Pros

- Fantastic sound design
- You can defend yourself
- Creature ai is very smart
- Puzzles are fun

Cons

- You play as French.

1/10.

PS: Some people complain the game is running at 60 fps.
There's an option in the menu to run the game at 15 fps or lower, you're welcome.

The Callisto Protocol was originally going to take place 300 years after
the events of Babaji which took place 6000 years before the events of Fortinaity
which were happening during the events of The Super Mario Bros Movie.

I'm not exactly making this up - link to source
Luckily they realized it's dumb (only after 3 years of development) - article

It is also a game that pulled a "Yes, please" and then "Go fuсk yourself" to regional pricing.
Day One Edition cost $14 at first, but a few hours later it jumped to $60 in my region.
A lot of people managed to get it for cheap, but I lost out.


I'll dismiss all the chaos going on with performance.
I see it's being covered quite a lot in the negative reviews segment.

Callisto plays a bit like that other game with the fun eye-poke machine mini-game.
The one where you creep around with stage 3 kyphosis and follow women's orders
the entire time, only for them to betray you.

I think it's called The Binding of Isaac, or something?

Story-wise, you take on the role of a defenceless pilot
professional brawler named Jacob Lee. After crash-landing on Tau Volantis 2.0
(formerly known as Ohio), Jacob and the Kimiko girl from The Boys find themselves
surrounded by Halo Flood and Windows ME robots.

But Jacob doesn't lose face, and decides to beat everything to a pulp.

I mean quite literally, the entire game revolves around melee combat.
A successful melee combo fills up Jacob's heat gauge
which he can use to unleash a special move called The Essence of Quick-Shot
It enables Jacob to aim quickly for an enemy's weak point and deal crit dmg.


The creatures are called biophage, they are "kinda" like necromorphs.
But it's not "cut off their limbs," it's "shoot the tentacles."
Although, it should really just say "punch their lights out" instead.

Overall, a pretty fun beat 'em up, with some family-friendly horror elements.
I rate this game 10 price jumps outta 5 tentacle sacks.
Would gladly eat shіt on regional pricing again.