Thursday, October 31st. The main deck is crowded for the loading operation. Even with the rain. Hidden in the chaos is the element, waiting to strike like snakes. And I'm there too. Watch-keeping 2 years of nights turn me into a nocturnal animal. I must choose my watchmen carefully. It's a big ship. I can't be everywhere. But they don't know where I am. We have a call sign now for when I'm needed. When the 3rd Officer pronounced in the VHF, it's not just a call- it's a warning. To them. Fear is a tool. They think I'm hiding in the ship. But I AM the ship. I wish I could say I'm making a difference, but I don't know.
   Sh*tting on deck, robberies, wrong loading- 2 years later, they're all up. And now this. This ship's eating itself. Maybe it can't be saved, but I have to try. PUSH MYSELF. These nights all roll together in a rush, Behind the coverall. Sometimes in the morning I have to force myself to remember i earn 3.8k a month for this sh*t.