Day 1: I awaken from my inflight nap to find this creepy looking kid clinging to my arm.. I knew I should of paid extra for busniess class. I look around the otherwise empty plane. Where the ♥♥♥♥ is my inflight meal and booze? there's a little turbulance and next thing we are minus half a plane and going down. Lol that kid isn't wearing his safety belt. He's screwed. We crash and I black out.

I awaken once again, to a near naked oiled up man-thing scooping up the unconsious child, this upsets me somewhat because now I have no one to offer as a peace sacrifice to the natives. After he runs off into the bushes with the kid I yell "SHOULD OF WORN YOUR SAFETY BELT YOU LITTLE ♥♥♥♥" I help myself to numerous trays of inflight meals and booze glorious booze that due to some miracle survived the plane crash and are still sitting neatly on seats and shelves. I pick up random pill bottles and devour the contents and collect a pedometer from a foot, how ironic. Lucky for me, I am a paranoid survival enthusiast and was wearing my outdoor back pack complete with survival guide in preparation for this very event.

Exiting the half a plane, grabbing a conviently placed fire axe fitted snuggly in that slack flight attendants chest, I raid a few luggage cases of the non existant passengers, mmm sexy panties. Wandering the beach at sunset, alchohol lines the beaches, natures natural drink cooler and notice a group of nudists. ♥♥♥♥ yes. This island is awesome. I run up to them waving my drink in greeting. The god of ♥♥♥♥ and wine has blessed this place!! They stare at me like I am some kind of freak, probably because I'm wearing clothes and this has obviously offended thier religon because the nearest native attempts to claw my eyejellies out, shocked I hi 5 him in the face with my axe and the natives flee, shiny butts bouncing in the sunlight.

I keep moving, being the survivalist I am I slaughter a few fluffy bunnies and a lizard, skin them and find a nice spot to set up for the night. I start a fire with my trusty everlasting lighter. Thank goodness they kindly let me bring my lighter aboard the plane! I build a small shelter out of sticks and cook myself a lizard, you can just taste the intestinal parasites!

Day 2-4:

Not only am I a paranoid survival enthusiast. But I'm also an architect and master of construction! I have found a nice spot to start my new life here on this island, no point trying the planes radio, salvaging and rebuilding the yatch or boats I spotted on the beach or any of that ♥♥♥♥.
I have lashed together some sticks to form a sturdy log sled! I have about 6 logs stacked ontop of the tiny twigs and another 2 logs carried by myself, with one arm. I push the sled along with the mere power of my pinky toe thankful for my Russian hertiage. I build myself a snazzy tree house because daddy issues meant I never had one as a child. I stash my porn in it along with the panties I salvaged from the wreck. I've got 4 walls, a drying rack, a fire, storage facilaties for my supplies, a freaking gazebo and a bunch of death traps surrounding my walls for those pesky natives, who despite the abundance of wildlife and edible plants, have opted for human flesh instead... Gotta hand it to them though, they have some really inspiring art peices, the man shoved through his own tennis rackets and every orifice crammed with tennis balls is my favourite, brings me to tears every time I see it. If I was going to make any effort whatsoever to return to human civilization, I'd totally steal some of thier work and sell it for millions. I've been working on my own style using the cannibals body parts, my centrepeice being 'head on a stick' I just can't seem to capture the same passions though.

Day 5:

Walls seem to be a weakness to the cannibals, they are in awe of them as they repeatedly ram thier faces into it, and growl at it. Small minded barbarians hahah.

It's not so funny when they walk through my wall... the sole source of my security.. but it's funny again when they walk into my campfire and burn to death. My emotional roller coaster of fun and fear may have something to do with my wandering through the forest earlier eating shrooms.
on my return to camp I accidentally walked into a fire, and caught fire to myself. In the rain. Adeles song has so much more meaning to me now.