Yo, yo, yo! I'm a 25-year-old American dude who lives with my boo, a 27-year-old American chick, and we're totally French-phobic. Don't get me wrong - I love me some French fries and French toast, but French people? Non, merci!

It's like wherever we go, the French are there, lurking around like snails in a garden. The other day, we were at a party, getting lit and grooving to some tunes, when suddenly a Frenchman waltzes in. Next thing we know, we're all wearing berets, snacking on baguettes, and speaking in ridiculous accents. Sacre bleu!

So, my lady and I were like, "Let's go swimming, yo!" But guess what? Every single pool in town is packed with Frenchies! It's like they have some kind of aquatic affinity or something. We tried to beat them to the punch by swimming in our backyard, but even then, a Frenchman on a unicycle rode by and yelled "Ooh la la!"

We figured maybe we could find some solace in a nudist colony, but nope - turns out the only thing the nudists were "French-free" of was deodorant. Gross! We just wanna be free of the French, not free of hygiene.

It's like the French are everywhere, man. Wanna go to Burning Man? French people. Wanna go shopping? Frenchies. Wanna go to the park? French people. Wanna go to the shooting range? People from France. The library? French person. The circus? Frenchies. The gym? French humans. The waterpark? A person from the country known as "France." It's like they're breeding in there or something!

I mean, I just wanna chill with my homies and talk about stuff without the French breathing down my neck. I don't need some dude in a beret trying to tell me about the "joie de vivre" or whatever. The only place we can truly be French-free is at this sketchy diner that serves mystery meat and plays accordion music all day. But hey, at least we don't have to deal with those pesky Frenchies there!

Anyway, I gotta go practice my French cuss words before I go to bed and hope that someday, we can live in a world without French people. Or at least a world where we can run into them less often than we run into Nickelback songs.

- Ryzen 7 3700x, GeForce RTX 3060 Ti