Recent reviews by Volture

why does every gun feel like it shoots a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cartoon outline around the enemy

This game was tailor made to be as annoying as possible. There are so many portions of the game where you cannot go more than 3 seconds without someone saying something ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid over and over again. Sometimes if you're not doing the current objective during a main story mission area or sometimes a side mission zone, the quest giver will repeat "ERM... YOU'RE NOT DOING *CURRENT OBJECTIVE*? I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DID *CURRENT OBJECTIVE!" repeatedly until you do it.

The humor is just terribly unfunny and cringeworthy. The writers wanted every line of dialogue to be a quirky haha joke but it always sounds like some fat ugly redditor who watches too much TV tried to make a script. NPCs can't just tell you where to go or what to do, they gotta cram in some dated reference or unfunny joke all the time. The main villains in this game are ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Twitch streamers/YouTubers so that should tell you what to expect.

Gameplay is the best it's ever been though. It's fun running and gunning but the game tries its best at every turn to stop you from doing that with unskippable dialogue that lasts for way too long, NPCs that need you to follow them and won't progress unless you're walking a certain distance behind them. But then they stop every minute to spout some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ unskippable dialogue. If you can stomach that then get it, if not then avoid this game or get it dirt cheap and download the mod that lets you skip dialogue and cutscenes.

Runs like ♥♥♥♥ and doesn't even work half the time, thanks Todd

This game stinks so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bad.

All the fun Tanks are in a terrible spot and just aren't good enough, it's like climbing uphill but 4 people are attached to your back and another 5 people are shooting at you. DPS is frustrating because everyone has so much sustain nowadays unless you're playing a character with REALLY high dmg potential it's insanely difficult. Supports are alpha omega godlike super beings that dictate what you're allowed to do without having to put much effort in themselves.

Baptiste turns every situation into a raid boss battle because depending on the scenario he can give people like 3 mistakes before you finally kill them, even himself. He's low but he pressed shift, he's low again but he pressed E on himself and hides behind his Mauga, the end.

Kiriko says that your ult is nothing because she pressed E, and now you are nothing because she 2 tapped you accidentally across the map and that just gave her ult, so now any pressure you had is immediately reversed.

Illari players love downplaying how effective she is. "Just shoot her pylon bro, she's nothing without it! :)" they say as the entire enemy team is stacked on it and the Illari is AFK sniffing their fingers.

Ana makes it so that your Tank won't exist because she pressed shift at him, then E, and now he's dead. Oops, don't push next time silly just bait her cooldowns.

Long story short, I want to take a baseball bat to the knees of every support player especially Mercy mains. This game sucks and Blizzard is irredeemably ♥♥♥♥♥♥ but it doesn't matter because you fat ♥♥♥♥♥ keep buying skins to masturbate to so they think they're doing a great job at making this wonderful video game.

Got this game dirt cheap and I still feel ripped. Probably the most nothing game I've ever played. It's like Death Stranding except nothing ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ happens for hours until you get shot in the back of the head or starve to death because everything is empty. Play Project Zomboid instead.

when's mahvel doe

waltuh im comissionuh gordon waltuh

Pretty fun. The story is forgettable and you won't care at all, you'll just wanna get back to making a firing squad of teddy bears with M60s. Framerate is locked at 30 but there is a fix for it.

Probably the last decent Dead Rising game we'll get.

Like a shiny coat of paint on a broken toy. Mechanics overall dumbed down for noncommittal newcomers. Gatlings are nonexistent and combos are brain dead easy (for the most part). Combine that with the extremely wack damage, 2 or 3 interactions and you're dead or win. Feels like 2D Tekken 7. The new wall mechanic is honestly really stupid and feels like it belongs to another series. Xrd had crazy mechanics sometimes but it lended a real identity and insane depth to characters. Strive cuts it all in half for the sake of accessibility. Many fighting games are doing this and that's fine if done correctly. Even Street Fighter 6 does this... kind of.

Street Fighter 6 came out a minute ago and it is the most accessible fighting game I've ever played. The option for Modern controls makes everything easier for newcomers and for some characters it's arguably broken. It's slower than previous games, interactions are extremely visually readable, most of the roster is extremely simple (not JP lol), etc. But that's not all it does. Certain V-Skills or moves from Street Fighter 5 became part of the core moveset for some characters in 6. This means characters have what they previously had and then some. This on top of the new Drive Gauge and it becomes a crazy deep game that can be as complicated as you want it to be. The roster all plays extremely different and have unique ways to approach them, as deep or as surface level as you feel comfortable with.

Strive misunderstood that depth means difficult and difficult is bad. Long story short, go play SF6 instead. Ryu gang.

Oh and the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ online is broken. Like, does not work. Game sucks lmaoooo

I've written a review for this game multiple times after having changed my mind so often on it. Overall, just an annoying experience. The Tekken learning curve is legendary and mastering every aspect of the game takes hours, days, years. This is my favorite FG series of all time.

That said though, Tekken 7 feels sluggish as ♥♥♥♥. The movement in this game is so awful and feels awkward. Sidestepping feels pointless sometimes unless you know for a fact 100% guaranteed your opponent's next attack is an insanely linear move that literally makes them go forward and even then it's not a for sure thing you'll successfully sidestep or walk it.

Online play is the most frustrating experience I've had in a fighting game. Players never stick around to rematch and more often than not will ALT/F4 a loss. The netcode is terrible. You'll get 4 Bar connections that feel like 2 bar wifi, and speaking of wifi, never match with a wifi player even if it says it's a good connection. Just don't. You'll drop combos in ranked costing you the momentum and pressure you had just because the game decided WAIT HOL UP, SYNCING.

Loading times are some of the worst. Rematching feels like it takes ages and sometimes straight up will not load the game. The amount of times i've gotten stuck on a loading screen just to have to force close the game and then get penalized for it in ranked is insane.

The DLC practice for this game was just pure ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Pay for frame data, pay for an overpriced character that was once free so you can practice against them, pay for lame costumes and subpar cosmetics that are worse than Tekken 5 and 6. Pay for the bowling minigame that Tag 1 had for free nearly 25 years ago? Stupid.

Thank god for Tekken 8 and Street Fighter 6. Don't waste your time on this one.