Recent reviews by Shrewvious Culvonio Omega Male

I crashed on a desert island and was promptly robbed by a local. After he had stolen my socks, he demanded I put my shoes back on my bare feet. When I told him I didn't want to get blisters, he called up his three mates and I was beaten to death with my socks.

If I could teleport like Ezio does in this game, I would transport whoever invented the caravan into the sun and that still wouldn't be punishment enough.

Hi everyone, Gamereviewer1943 here again.

I'm afraid to report to you all, my loyal followers, that my tummy trumpet troubles have only deteriorated since I last wrote to you.

As you will no doubt remember, I began to experience some mild rumblings in the interior after putting this game into my CD drive for the first time. I thought nothing of it and went on my merry way, but sadly, this was to be my undoing.

In recent months I have found myself face down in the heads more nights than not, heaving and hoeing with gentleman's relish and that day's lunch flying every which way. I am ashamed to say it made even a stocky man like myself blub on more than one occasion.

I am desperate for someone to come and put me out of this misery; I fear my slippers won't last another tumble dry and then what would I do.

Yours sincerely,

Tony
(Gamereviewer1943)

The best of the series

At this point I think we can all agree that machines are better than people. People are weird and emotional and, frankly, a waste of space on this earth. I'll take a spiral bevel gear over a spiral bevel GIRL any day of the year xD

This game speaks to me on a deep level because it closely resembles the chaos the demons of sleep smother me with when my eyelids weigh so heavy I cannot force them to open. The horsemen gallop relentlessly spewing their sick plagues across the lovely land of wherever this is set. When I reluctantly tumble into the abyss of slumber I see endless death and this game actually is quite good fun considering it's the most watered down tripe on the market, Incidentally, isn't it like seventy three years old by now? BOOOM! fourth wall broken boi

There's nothing quite like the smell of a man (or woman :D) when he (or she :D) knows his (or her :D) time is up as I stand before them, fully erect sword in hand and prepare to lunge for the killing blow.

Then the BLEEDING guard sees me and I get sent to jail for a minute and I sure did learn my lesson as I shanked a man to death for his pocket change with a prison knife

I need to control things to feel like a man. This game was immense fun for a little while until I realised I'd slipped on a wet floor half an hour previously and was bleeding out on the cold tiles of my bathroom floor - not playing the game I thought I was playing. As my final breath left my lips I gently whispered to a world that wasn't listening and couldn't care less even if it was that I regretted not reading that Huffpost article about how I should hate myself for the original sin I carry in my genes

D'you like cutsey art styles? D'you like a well written and coherent plot with more character depth than an empty paddling pool which has been stepped on by a big animal like maybe an elephant or something and then left in the hot Austalian sun so it melts a little bit and goes soft (I presume some clever clogs can explain why they think that works, but I actually just believe it's because of the plastic's energy being so impressed by the energy of the sun it gave in and (now that I think about it, is there a god or a God? The differenc ein punctuation is, I'm told, important for some reason) melted a little bit so it's extra flat on the ground? Well, you'll love Half life

CHRIST I LOVE VALVE

Top tier Lebensraum-acquiring simulator.