The Formation

On the 27th of June, 188AD, Jan M. was born. At the young age of 287, she single-handedly travelled the world, claiming civilisations and empires in her name. With immortallity up her sleeve, she brought the Roman Empire to it's knees by assassinating King Yazdegerd with an arrow to the knee. She then took Japan, after bribing Emperor Richu to decomission his guards in exchange for a grain of rice. She murdered the entire Frank and Vandal population using only a toothpick to impale her victims. By 560 AD, she was fuhrer of the earth.

It seemed all hope had faded. Until one day the survivors rose and mounted a revolution. Sadly not all were willing to take place. Every man and his dog (and his pet dog) rose up to the fuhrer in the brave final stand against evil. All of them were eliminated mercilessly.

670 AD - Only 132 humans remain alive on Earth. The survivors scramble to escape into the farthest reaches of barren deserts and arctic seas, only to slowly be sought out and killed. There were 9, though, who had a far better idea. A collection of the Earth's most mentally fucked, they assembled through the power of memes and dark humour.

When they were at last sought out, Jan arrived to carry out her executions as normal. But she was taken aback by their choice of retaliation. Were they... roasting her? "Get the fuck out of here you Fossil" "The reason you're so stupid is probably the fact that your parents were dinosaurs, and dinosaurs can't fucking talk now can they?" She left the scene, battered and scarred. Instead of going back and retaliating, she built an army, teaching every man how to fight, biding her time, she amassed millio- just a joke, she ended her own life.

The 9 still stand here to this day. They may not all be with us on Steam, but they are always in our hearts. And they're all still as mentally fucked as they were all those years ago.