Recent reviews by Banjo ☭

You know it's a good game when the main characters get you bricked up

Look, I've played this game long enough and completed it (not it's dlc yet) to write a review. I warn new buyers of this game: get rid of all firearms in your house, get an anointment for psychiatry, and make sure to write your suicide letter early.

Cuphead is a boss fighting adventure game with extreme difficulty that makes DOOM look like ♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥. Fighting the Vietnam war was probably easier tbh; and America lost. I'd rather be on the beaches of Normandy being machine gunned down fighting for the free world than play this ♥♥♥♥: yet I continue to and continue to reimburse MDHR by purchasing their DLC (quality dlc though).

Speaking of MDHR, I hope the studio executives, designers, coders, and testers burn eternally in hell. I am an Atheist and I don't believe in a God nor Heaven and Hell; but somewhere in our universe is eternal damnation for the creators of Cuphead. The people who have created this game are awed and feared by Saddam Hussein and Joseph Stalin themselves. This game is enough to bring the end of the 2 million years of humanity; it's enough for the world leaders to launch the nuke codes just to bring the end of Earth early and every copy of Cuphead with it.

The Congress of America is incompetent to lead our country just because they allow this game to be sold on American land. If this game we're banned, suicide rates would drop by 5%, along with discrimination rates and mass shootings. The people of the world would unite; Whites and Blacks, Arabs, Indians and Asians; we would all hold hands in whatever religion we believed in and banish this game from human mind. Especially Beppi the Clown.

The truth is, this game was made BY Satan its self, MDHR. REAL SATAN is even surprised with what the studio has created, and doesn't even want them in Christian hell. I'd rather play Battlefield 2047 than this and I still continue to play Cuphead. After this, I am erasing my records of American citizenship and existence to live in Alaska, where I can live free of Cuphead. My final message to you is:

Cuphead; not even once.

Btw 10/10 great game.

♥♥♥♥♥♥ Super Smash knock off. Once you've downloaded and installed you'll have wanted to purchase a whole new Nintendo Switch and SSBU, along with a new PC and a new steam account because this game is so ass. Just play Super Smash honestly-- better investment.

This game makes me want to die. Borderline. Despite it's good remarks and reviews, it's quite ♥♥♥♥ and gets ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ every update. To whom ever the ♥♥♥♥ made/makes this game, please stop adding worthless things and fix it first. It seems quite lazy in my eyes and just because it's "cute" or "pretty" doesn't make it good. The physics engine barely functions at all, and the game's bugs are never fixed by lazy-ass Redbeet Interactive. For a game marked as "difficult survival" by many of my close-minded friends, it's too easy. Please, don't waste money on this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ excuse for a game.

This game is genuinely ♥♥♥♥. Where should I start? So many reasons! I've played the game for about 30 minutes and I already hate it with a passion. It's repetitive, boring, the AI is ♥♥♥♥ and so is the story. The animation is god awful and so are the copy-and-paste models. The skins for your character are crappy remodels, many of the models are the same thing with uglier colors. The animations are lazy-- stereotypes and the story accompanied together makes me want to die. There are many features that are forgettable, the blood effects are broken as ♥♥♥♥-- the parkour is so easy to the point of it being the equal to playing a Hello Kitty game. The AI's powers are too OP and they can one shot you if you get spotted from a mile away with a slash think that's ranged. I understand that it's a stealth game and you should be punished for being caught, but not insta-killed. This game is a lazy excuse for "The next Metal Gear" and I pity it. DON'T PLAY THIS SPASTIC ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

- DIFFICULTY -

🔲 My 90 year old grandma could play it
☑️ Easy
🔲 Normal
🔲 Hard
🔲 "Dark Souls"

- GRAPHICS -

🔲 "MS Paint"
🔲 Bad
🔲 Meh
☑️ Graphics don't matter in this game
🔲 Good
🔲 Beautiful
🔲 Masterpiece

- MUSIC -

🔲 Bad
🔲 Not special
☑️ Good
🔲 Beautiful

- STORY -

☑️ This game has no story
🔲 Like playing "Temple Runners" for the story
🔲 It's there for the people who want it
🔲 Well written
🔲 Epic story

- PRICE -

🔲 Underpriced
☑️ Perfect price (It even has two days free!)
🔲 Could be cheaper
🔲 Overpriced
🔲 Complete waste of money

- REQUIREMENTS -

🔲 You can run it on a microwave
☑️ Average
🔲 High end
🔲 "NASA" computer

- LENGTH -

🔲 Very short (0 - 3 hours)
🔲 Short (3 - 15 hours)
🔲 Average (15 - 50 hours)
🔲 Long (50 - 90 hours)
🔲 Extremely long (90 - 110 hours)
☑️ No Ending

- FUN -

🔲 I'd rather watch paint dry
🔲 Hard to enjoy
🔲 Repetitive
☑️ Actually pretty amusing
🔲 Ride of your life

- REPLAYABILITY -

🔲 It's a one - time experience
🔲 Only for achievements
🔲 If you wait a few months / years
🔲 Definitely
☑️ Infinitely replayable

- WORTH BUYING -

🔲 No
🔲 Wait for sale
☑️ Yes

I am addicted to this game. Borderline. While it's no Fallout 3, I still love the animations and how they flow, I love the humor, I love the modding community, and I love Triternion and it's devs and their kindness-- don't forget about the mods either (looking at you Void.) Though I love this game with a passion, my favorite thing in the game is the Historical accuracy. Considering my occupation as an Historian, I love how they pin-point all of the armor to weapons during the middle-ages. Hell, they even mention the Landsknecht. Lets be honest. So, overall, this game is solid- and I strongly recommend you play it too. If you ARE a newer player, look no further than this guide: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2571661320

There are bad things, though. The game's community is up there with the worst. My friend who's not actually my friend, Gradymeister, had to change his name because a group of people were targeting him with a M39 of harassment. Not only that, but though rare, cheaters are still present. Auto blocking bots, sensitivity advances, etc. Sometimes each update the game's combat (what it's known for) is extremely unbalanced. I will get rid of this section when the game tester, crush, gets fired. He fights mindless bots and tweaks weapons that are completely fine. He lowers parry windows, breaks ranged weapons and barely plays his own game. Again, I will get rid of this section when crush is fired or he duels me and has a ratio higher than mine.

For some reason, my game was acting funny. Maybe It's normal, but I tried playing on Mac and a Microsoft PC. Both just quit the game one min. into the game. It also crashed after the "Help Kids" thing at the start.