Recent reviews by Metal

When the Minecraft Parkour kids grow up and start making games. It's kinda impressive that the rest of the game makes up for that.

Jokes aside, I genuinely wish there were a greater variety of dishes. Fine China, melamine, stoneware, heckin' Zoo Pals. The fishing just seems like a joke, which is unfortunate, cause I'm a weirdo who likes arbitrary fishing mechanics. The roguelite dungeon crawling is very neat, and very easy to get lost in, but is far too easy to die. You can't fight, but you also can't hide. Most of the enemies are just straight up run killers should you run into one.

It's very fun, but it just needs a little more. But you can't do too much better for $7 if you like this type of silly survival/mundane task simulator.

Not only did I love every moment of this game, but I think this could be the perfect 'first game' for a kid. It isn't particularly difficult, but it isn't insultingly easy. You still have to search around to find stuff, but deaths aren't punishing at all, making it painless to try again.

Somehow, you guys made a tribute to some 90's kids terrible games into the perfect kid game.

Note, I'm not saying the game is childish or way too easy. It is really easy. But you try to beat Hero mode sword only and with no extra hearts and tell me it's still too easy. I was smiling the entire time I played. Fantastic game.

Very cool little game. Even funner if you make your friends play it and laugh as they lose their mind.

I've been obsessed with this game for a week. Still have yet to live through any game. I guess this is how I die.

One of the best games ever made. Now currently being threatened by Capitalism. If that isn't the most Disco thing ever, I don't know what is.

Find another way to play and support the original writers. ♥♥♥♥ ZA/UM.

Strange. I had a review here, and I was going to update it after the recent Hero Pass controversy. Guess Jagex paid to get it removed or something? I was JUST looking at it this morning, thinking over how I would change my former thoughts. Oh well.

Essentially, I love Runescape. Between this account, my Steam OSRS account, and accounts I've had in both games dating back to 2005, I must have over 30,000 hours combined. My main account in RS3 from '05 alone has years worth of play time in it. Back during the Facebook event (remember the book of faces item, lol?), my entire clan checked the site and compared time. I was one of the highest, with over 800 days of in game play time. What I'm trying to say is that I genuinely love this game, as grindy as it can be, as ♥♥♥♥♥♥ as the clickboxes can be, as annoying as the tick system is, some of my fondest memories of playing games with friends and family alike were in this game.

I quit back during the EoC beta and moved over to OSRS until Archaeology was released. I wasn't happy to see that the MTX had gotten even worse, but I told myself that it was just a sign of the times. All major games have ♥♥♥♥♥♥ gatcha mechanics now. However, since 2020, it feels like Jagex has only doubled down on the predatory practices. From neverending FOMO events that lead from one to another to constantly keep you playing and buying keys, lest you miss anything, to taking away the ability to spend Oddments on free keys so you can't use them to get MTX items for free, to removing cosmetic items from the Oddments shop and placing them on another currency shop out of greed... I can list ♥♥♥♥ for hours. It feels like a constant drip feed of the greediest decisions in online gaming. And I'm an enjoyer of Mihoyo games.

Hero Pass is the last straw for me, unfortunately. I cancelled my account and won't be back until the game is legitimately free. The gall to demand a monthly sub while treating the game like a Freemium product is insanity. The fact that you need Premier to get certain in game items like from the Yak Track or holiday events, despite already being a paying member, is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. You can't use every greedy tactic, Jagex. You can't have a paid subscription, loot boxes, a tiered battle pass, MTX currencies, and a paid metrics system that is separate from your subscription.

Luckily, there are plenty of great MMOs for me to explore. Half of my clan is going over to FFXIV, the other half is checking out WoW. Which is wild in itself. I remember us joking on AIM a lifetime ago that the world would end before we played FFXI or WoW over Runescape, lol. I guess the world is finally ending.

By this point, I've played DS1 more times than any other game. Other than stuff like Heroes III and Civ, maybe. But only barely. Even with Elden Ring out (and I absolutely love it), I found myself tonight playing the DSR roguelike mod again. The sheer amount of incredible mods makes this game just an endless source of replayability for me.

I know the Prepare to Die Edition thing sucks, but at the end of the day, if you don't have Dark Souls at all and it goes on sale, just get it. I pretty much have it on every platform it was released on because I have a problem. But that's beside the point. This is probably my favorite game of all time.

Do you have problems? Do you hate balloons? Do you like monkeys?

If so, this game is alright.

About 30 minutes in, I realized I was clenching my jaw painfully tight.

Seriously one of the tensest games I've ever played.

Get (a) gud (PC).