Recent reviews by Mechanical Bush

There are rumors of a satanic cult hiding in the depths of Sven Co-op. I thought it a silly superstition, at first. I went on a server with friends and had a blast playing interesting, well-designed, maps (like Inflight, The Plane (by Cordian), and Road to Shinnen). At the same time, a feeling of dread built up inside of me. The people on the servers I was playing on were strange. They spoke in riddles, euphemisms, and codes. Something about their behavior was strange too. Players would spend hours on end playing the same map, endlessly shuffling map pools and voting maps, even though none of them actually liked it. They would boost each other outside the map boundaries, and refuse to do so to those they deemed outsiders.

I realized there must be something hidden outside of bounds on my favourite maps. I had to find what had been hidden from me. I spent hours learning the ins and outs of the game's advanced movement system. The out-of-bounds exploits were obtuse, strange, and down-right insane. One map, The Plane (by Cordian), required two players. Only by killing oneself could one be reborn outside of the plane. From there, one had to successfully make their way to the second, lower, wing (as the aeroplane you spawn on is actually just a smaller plane upon a larger one). To do this, one had to learn the ways of movement. Bhopping was essential to make it past an invisible kill box. Even using that trick, the jump was impossible, as you would die from fall damage. One had to bring a friend with them, so that they could heal one's wounds.

From the second wing I jumped up on the side of the plane. I wandered to the edge, the back of the plane. I saw a weird outgrowth, a cube, broken from the greater form of the plane. It created a ravine between the plane and itself, showing a depth stretching to the skybox. I observed an opening beneath me. It was a hard jump, but necessary to get my answers.

It took me several tries, stretched over hours of mindless maps, but I eventually made it. It was a dark, seemingly unintended, part of the map. I went the opposite way I had on the edge of the plane, going inwards do the plane's center. My flashlight barely illuminated one edge to the other. I wandered inwards, until I met a wall. The wall covered the entire center, leaving only two cramped low pathways on either edge. One was somehow illuminated by light, while the other sat in darkness. I went into the darkness.

I crawled for a solid 5 minutes. I believed myself crazy. There was nothing but repeating textures of white walls. All the while, the footsteps deafened me. I was crazy. I actually believed that there was a satanic cult in a silly Half-Life 1 mod. I had spent all this time! All this time, doing all of this stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥! I was an idiot! An absolute-

My thoughts were cut shorts by a orange portal with green edges in front of me. Its ambiance quieted my footsteps, its green light broke the monotony of the white walls, and its presence proved my fears right. I stood still, and eventually crawled towards it. It came closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and further and further and further and further and further and further and

I was falling. The ground beneath me had been false. I heard the splatter of my character exploding into gibs. My search had brought me no answers. The truth continued to hide from me. At the same time, my failure brought me no closer to my goal. I knew I had to come over that pit, that pit of DESPAIR! But I don't know how I possibly could. It was cramped, even a rev-boost couldn't launch you far enough with such a low roof. Whatever required to get to that portal, to reveal the truth, was beyond what I was capable of.

I still don't know what lurks beneath Sven Co-op, but I cannot recommend anybody to play this game. The game is ritualistic, the players odd and equally ritualistic, and its mysteries are not to solve. Don't play this game. Don't interact with those who do. Don't solve Sven Co-op.

good job

just play it

This is the best game ever made. If you haven't played it you must. You can easily put 10000+ hours into this.

Gave me a virus warning. 7/10.

sex

you've ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ done it

♥♥♥♥ you

ok

game ok