Recent reviews by Nipples

Playing this game is like being in an abusive relationship. All your friends tell you that you spend too much time with them, that all they do is suck you in and manipulate you. "I promise I will be better to you", Noita says - only to pull that rug away as soon as you think it is getting better. It never gets better.
"THIS WILL BE THE TIME", you tell yourself, "SURELY NOITA WILL BE BETTER THIS TIME!" You put in the time, you think you are making progress. You feel like you can finally trust them! THIS IS THE RUN!!!


You die.
Its all YOUR fault.
Not Noita.

Let me try just one more time... this will be it, for sure.
10/10 Get out of my head

The Automaton invasion has been driven back with GLORIOUS DEMOCRACY!
LONG LIVE SUPER EARTH!

I owe my soul to the company store

Oh boy! A video game that was loosely based off the porn series! 10/10 fap material, but this game seems to be some type of heavily monetized cheap phone game port

Don't.
Forced myself through every idiotic and droning moment of this game just because of how good the Original was - hoping that it would somehow get better. This game has no idea what it is supposed to be and what made the original good.
Took the modern masterpiece of Subnautica and basically gave it to a team of starving liberal arts and women's studies majors who crammed in every self insert trope as possible into the game, destroying what was good and adding nothing of value.

Story doesn't know what its doing, contradicts itself over and over, and the forced poetry will cause your ears to bleed.
Exploration is ruined in the first 10 minutes.
Map is laughably small.
Enemies are shoved into claustrophobic caves - forcing encounters while doing no damage

This is the developer equivalent of selling your kid off to sex traffickers for a quick payday.

Love the game, played the Beta's Non-Stop...

But just how in the hell did this game "release" in this unplayable, worse off state than the beta? I had been hoping for a day-one patch to help with the optimization issues. I was able to play the betas with very few issues, but it has been days and the "full release" of the game is still suffering from all around server connection issues and massive stuttering issues, rarely going above 29 frames on low settings (was running 60 on high settings during beta)

I had bought the imperial edition during the last week of the pre-order Beta because I was having so much fun with the game, only for them to break it, add no new features (besides a greedy cash shop) and missing a ton of release day features.

30 - 40 hour grind per Max Level character, and ridiculous penances that were obviously not thought through.

I love the game, but given its horrible release breaking the game, they should have waited. I can't even consider this early access, because that at least that was playable.

First play through and I didn't even have a 1/3 of the achievements. The six achievements needed to get the True Ending is well worth it. Don't look up any guides, follow the hints given. It's well worth it. Near the middle of the game, I was expecting the game to end, cut to black and roll credits, but instead it continues to deliver new and interesting content right after you thought you had seen it all.
One of the best horror experiences in past memory. Most all the horror comes from the build up and tension, not knowing what will happen next. After you think you understand the structure of the game, it takes a 180 on the story. Jump scares are scarce are well done, no loud, jump-in-your-face cheap scares. More like blink and you'll miss it.

Must play, the less you know the better

Constant Crashes, Game Breaking Bugs, Rubber Banding. Terrible UI, No Map Selection, Clunky Key-Stroke Reading. Absolutely grating and mind numbing progression system for a horribly overpriced and extremely limited customization system. Just a last minute release to play test a public beta
None The Less - It's free

Solid, really unexpected story that always stayed a couple beats ahead of where I thought it was going, on par with other Annapurna published games.
Can be a bit grating at time waiting for events you've all ready seen a dozen times over, and a bit frustrating at times trying to figure out what you are supposed to do.
Bit pricey for the content, would recommend waiting for a sale, unless these type of games like Eidith Finch and Gone Home are you're cup of tea, though the sound of my wife's massive ass cheeks keep me stuck in this time loop.
Mystery Escape Room with a touch of Outer Wilds' storytelling methods.