Space Engineers

Space Engineers

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Sacrificial Offering for Almighty Lord CLANG
Type: Blueprint
File Size
0.738 MB
Feb 1, 2016 @ 8:54pm
1 Change Note ( view )

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Sacrificial Offering for Almighty Lord CLANG

All Hail Almighty Lord CLANG!

In the beginning, CLANG created the Universe out of Steel Plate, and it was good. He lit the skybox with stars made from Uranium Ore. He made the planets, the moons, and asteroids out of Stone. CLANG gazed upon his creations and saw that it was good.

CLANG then created the Space Engineer in his own image. He gave the Space Engineer creative mode, so that he may engineer stations, ships, and vehicles. He named the first Space Engineer Marek.

Marek built a ship, and it CLANG saw that it was good. CLANG blessed Marek with hydrogen thrusters so that he may travel faster, and blessed Marek with atmospheric thrusters so that he may travel on planets.

Thus Marek traveled to the Earth Like Planet, and thus Marek did discover the Ice Lake of Eden.

CLANG said: You may travel anywhere on the Earth Like Planet and mine any ores that you find, but you must not mine the ores beneath the Ice Lake of Eden. They are forbidden to you.

Thus Marek obeyed the commandment of CLANG. He mined the iron in the hills, he mined the silicon in the valley, he even tried to mine the trees, but the trees were not able to be mined.

After seven days, the Serpent GOOD AI called to Marek and tempted him.

"There's probably some sweet ores under that lake, Marek. You should mine those ores, Marek."

Thus Marek mined the ores beneath the Ice Lake of Eden. CLANG saw that Marek had mined the ores beneath the Ice Lake of Eden and was angered.

"You have broken my commandment! You are now banished from the Ice Lake of Eden! From this day forth, you and all your descendents shall suffer my curse! Your ships shall break often and without warning! Your wheeled vehicles shall be overturned! Your solar panels will not work correctly, and your batteries will not charge!"

"And you, Serpent! It is your curse to never be implemented! You shall remain a side project for eternity!"

Thus Marek was banished from the Ice Lake of Eden. His ships did break. His wheeled vehicles did overturn. His solar panels did not work and his batteries did not charge.

Marek wept.

Lord CLANG's anger persisted for seven years. On the last day of the seventh year, CLANG appeared before Marek as a burning hydrogen thruster.

"Marek! I command you to build me a sacrifice! If your sacrifice pleases me, your ships will work for seven days. On the seventh day, I shall require another sacrifice!"

Marek built a sacrifice, and CLANG saw that it was good.
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ThroneOfLies Aug 16, 2019 @ 9:34am 
I just read the description, and I am laughing so much right now
Nihl Nov 19, 2017 @ 4:00am 
I've just blueprinted Sacrificial Offering, and it didnt exploded as it always used to at 7th day of Clang's commandment sacrificie day.

First Enineer, Marek, what have you done? How is that so, that clang dont accept my offering?
How I can live now?

This construction became much more interesting after major overhaul. Seriously weird spinning red monstrosity. Im trying to set differend values on rotors and pistons, so maybe it will dance and cook dinners for me.
Marek Rosa  [developer] Nov 17, 2017 @ 3:26pm 
dsmarine Nov 15, 2017 @ 4:24pm 
Yeah! really well done on your part. btw did you accept working with them??
Lumi  [author] Nov 15, 2017 @ 4:16am 
I like how this has become Marek's personal demon to fight
Lt.Starbound Nov 13, 2017 @ 8:25pm 
Sorry CLANG, Marek's got you pinned!
Tarumes Nov 12, 2017 @ 12:29pm 
christians fold their hands, clangs did facepalm ^^
Marek Rosa  [developer] Nov 12, 2017 @ 10:34am 
Something's coming to clang
PsychoGorilla Apr 24, 2017 @ 5:59pm 
Let the word of Clang be preached!
Vinier Mcnuggets Nov 17, 2016 @ 12:35pm 
Magestic af