Hi, my name is Gregory. I am 2X years old, a father of two, mostly male and technically straight. Here is my life story:
For years I wandered the streets of suburbia, avoiding overly aggressive dogs on my way back from the academy, wondering if a bird would land on my shoulder again. But it never happened again, even after decades of waiting. To this day, I still wonder if a bird will eventually land on my shoulder again, perhaps mistaking me for a tree, or some weirdly misshapen rock.
When I was old enough to start forming long-term memories, I rode in a red wagon down the driveway and flew off a cliff edge. I don't know if the wagon was red, or if it was red with my blood. All I know is that I didn't form another long term memory until years later.
Years later, I recall receiving a foot injury graciously gifted upon me by a metal door. This injury was sewed together with stitches, but I rejected the very notion of it and immediately pulled the stitches out. I may still sport the scar of that action, but I don't regret it one bit. Those stitches had it coming.
When I reached the teenage years of my life, everything changed. And by everything changed, I mean most things stayed the same and a few things changed. The things that changed will not be spoken of here, for that is a story for another time. However, mark my words, things changed.
Soon I approached puberty. I was determined to make it through puberty, as that was my life's goal. Luckily for me, it was an easy goal to achieve, and having fulfilled my life's purpose, I cruised through the next few years with obstacles that from really far away looked small, and upon closer examination were in fact small.
When I became a young adult, I decided to cosplay a young adult, and occasionally acted like one. These efforts paid off in ways that I have yet to see, but am sure exist.
Friends? I have a few, but too few to mention. To mention a few, I was friends with primarily asians, and the occasional non-asian. I typically didn't seek out friends, as I knew that if fate willed it, the right people would literally fall in front of me as if summoned by an Eldritch god. This was not a belief based on experience, but rather based on the fact that I knew it was true, which in my experience is a far stronger and more reliable proof.
I have embarked on many adventures on my path towards puberty, some of which took place after the fact, which made them redundant and pointless, yet interesting nonetheless. My adventures took me to insane locations such as: Hotel, Mountain, Beach, AirBnB, and once, even a two minute Zen Tubing adventure.