Recent reviews by "Crooked Dick" Johnny Hogg

i non ironically like this game

Alchemist + The City = ez game

A very nicely layed out and easily usable bejeweled like puzzle game with a twist in strategy, the strategy of STALKING HOT ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ANIME CHICKS WITH YOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PHONE THAT CONTAINS ALL OF THEIR PERSONAL INFORMATION AND LOCATION SO YOU CAN TRACK THEM DOWN AND FORCE THEM INTO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DATES WITH THE INTENTION OF ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DEMOLISHING THEIR TIGHT LITTLE ANIME ♥♥♥♥♥ WITH YOUR THROBBING HARD SNATCH DESTORY WALL ♥♥♥♥. THE GOAL TO PLAYING THIS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ CONVINIENTLY ONE HANDED CONTROLLED GAME IS TO LEAVE YOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ FILTHY MARK EVERYWHERE BY RIPPING AND TEARING INTO THE DELIGHTFUL ANIME ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥ OF HOT ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ BABES ALL OVER YOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TOWN BY PLAYING A SEXUALISED ♥♥♥♥♥♥ UP VERSION OF BEJEWELED WHILE YOU START OF ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SLOW BUT NOT FOR LONG, ONCE THEY'RE IN YOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HOUSE THEY'LL BE WALKING IN THE SHAPE OF A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ANCHOR BECAUSE OF HOW ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HARD YOU HAVE PLOWED YOUR WAY THROUGH THEIR INSIDES WITH YOUR OWN VLAD THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ IMPAILER. THERE WILL BE BLOOD, THERE WILL BE PAIN, THERE WILL BE THE SEXUAL THRILLS OF CRACKING THE HIPS OF ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ BONERIFIC ANIME CHICKS AND THERE WILL BE DISSAPOINTMENT FROM YOUR ONCE FRIENDS WHEN THEY SEE YOU OPEN ON THIS GAME.

DON'T TRY TO SAY THAT YOU'RE PLAYING THIS FOR THE PUZZLE BECAUSE YOU'RE A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ FILTHY LIER, YOU'RE PLAYING THIS TO CRUSH AND CONQUER HOT ANIME ♥♥♥♥♥.

A great indie title that alot more people should own, Despite the basic 8-bit Graphics, It still puts you into a first person perspective of a proper zombie apocolypse with each decision you make affecting the outcome of your whole game. Combined with the fact that you have the option to name your party members, it can get personal (or funny) when it comes to the point of where you need to say goodbye to your close friends, either as a late farewell, or a sacrafise. This game has so much to do and can keep you entertained for hours, And the soundtrack, My god the soundtrack is just brilliant. 8 Bit Music at it's absolute best. The shooting controls are a pain in the arse, But that just adds to the challenge of the game and once you get use to it, It's not that bad. Overall, very very great game, Minor Flaws but a hell of a lot more upsides, I'm giving this an 8/10

So you wanna know if I recommend this game do ya? WELL DO YA?...Well of course I do. This beast right here is the most patriotic game ever made, Wanna know how patriotic this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game is son? This game will put a Boston Red Socks Cap on your head, A Nascar shirt on your chest, Chicago White Sox Track Pants on your legs, Superbowl brand sneakers on your shoes, A can of beer in your right hand, An All America Hot Dog in your left, A giant sterio blasting nothing but Hulk Hogans Theme song to your right, A giant Sterio Blasting the USA National Anthem to your left and A USA Flag worn as a cape on your back. Not only that, But this game will also Make you ♥♥♥♥ a patriotic thunderstorm of ♥♥♥♥ coated in Red, White and Blue in a pattern that spells out the word "Freedom". This game screams so much patriotism, that You can hear, smell, see, taste and even feel the freedom running through your veins as you reperesent the land of the free the way it should be reperesented, By shooting the ♥♥♥♥ out of Immigrants and blowing everything the ♥♥♥♥ up. If you're proud to live in the land of the free, Buy this game now and you'll be chanting "USA! USA! USA!" all ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ day long. HELL YEAH TO FREEDOM!

50/50 Stars

Spec Ops The Line...oh man, I put off playing this game for a long time. It looked just like any other ordinary and generic Army based shooter to me, Where the story is nothing more than just doing the missions you've been sent to do. But I couldn't be more wrong. Because you see, this game isn't just a game, It's both an intense and breath taking expirience. It opened my eyes, left me speechless and made me genuinely feel empty inside. This work of art manages to visually leave a message inside your mind that reads, There is no Good Side or Bad Side to a war, Any So Called Hero can change into the most vicious of all villians within the blink of an eye. The gameplay itself is a typical thirdperson shooter, But the true beauty of this gem outshines all negativity bought by it. I would suggest anybody with a saturday to kill, pick up a controller and play this from start to finish, And the next day when you wake up, you'll be waking up a changed person.

8/10 - Minor Flaws, Story really makes up for them though.

Run Away from Wolfs and Bears - The Game

10/10

TF2 Retirement Center

This game gets so much more hate than it deserves, It is quite possibly one of, if not, the best open world sandbox game ever made. People complain about it not being DLC to saints row 3, If this was DLC to saints row 3, it would have to be one of the biggest DLC's to any game I've ever seen, Let's just take a look at all the new features to this game.

New Weapons, New Characters, More New types of enemies than in the previous games, 65 Power Upgrades, Multiple new Homies, More Body Customization, More Weapon Upgrades, 111 Weapon Skins, More Vehicals, More Vehical Customization, 1600 Collectiables, New Activities, Brings back Johnny Gat, Brings Back SR2 Shaundi, Has Keith David voice both himself and Julius, Has the upgrade system from Saints Row 2 and it Takes you back to Stillwater to please older fans.

People who complain about this basically being a saints row 3 DLC or that it's nothing much more than Saints row 3 are just wrong, plain and simple.

Storywise, Yes it's a piss take right from the very start. And I can understand people feeling like this was a bad way to continue on from the last few games. However, I'm a huge fan myself of games that involve alot of comedic relief so I didn't find anything wrong with it personally. As a saints row story, It's not dedicated to the last few games, But as a standalone game, the story is amazing, hilarious, intense and just downright insane. You don't see that in many triple A games nowadays so this definately pleased me.

The Replayability is Great as always with the Saints Row Games, I've just completed my second playthrough and am currently working through a third one.

Another issue people found with this game is that Cars are pointless because you now have super powers. My thoughts on this are, At the start of the game, you don't have access to many super power upgrades and to even buy them, you have to slowly collect clusters one by one to then purchase them. You also have the option to purchase unlimited Nitro boost for vehicals and with the added extra vehical customization I mentioned earlier, Driving cars is still alot of fun in this game and I still use them quite a bit during my gameplay.

I'm just rambling on here so I'll finish this up. This game has its flaws, but they are highly overshadowed by the amazing expirience of the game itself. Without a doubt or any second thought, This is my Top game of 2013.

10/10

To call this a game would be an understatement, This is a beautiful work of art that deserves every single award, achievement and acknowledgement that it has received and more. There are no exsisting sentences that can 100% fully describe the amazing journey bioshock infinete gave to me as it has left me absolutely speechless. Just take my word for it and expirience it for yourself if you have not done so, You'll thank me later.