Recent reviews by elEric

Good enjoyable fun. Each time you play is a different experience and I'd say better with friends, although the official Discord has been a solid way to meet other crews if you look out for mutual goals

why buy meth when you can buy slick fashion accessories


you can also earn in game currency at decent rates to fund your meth cape habit

yeah its alright im still new though

Bear Sim is a game about being a bear.

Pretty simple, and nice to play if you want to have a relaxing experience just running about, eating things as a bear.

Pros:

You can be a bear
You can eat things such as left over pizza
You can be several types of bear
Bears

Cons:

A few hitbox issues
I can't catch ducks
I'm not sure what bears do, so all I do is eat things
I don't have a pet bear


I'd recommend this game if you're a fan of bears, but not if you're a fan of alligators.

There are two ways to review Counter-Strike: Global Offensive.

The easy Silver way, and the hard any other rank way. First off, I'll start with the Silver way.

Counter-Strike: Global Offensive is a good, low cost game, that is often featured at the top of Steam's top seller list. However, be aware, the price that you are paying when you initially hit the purchase button is not the games true price. You will spend more on this game. Just like when the Counter Terrorists face the Terrorists - this is not a time for negotiation. Get your/your mums credit card ready, because it's going to be used.
The first thing I bought was a single key. I got a case drop from my first game, and I thought that the £1.49 investment would be meaningless. I was wrong.
I was lucky enough to get an M4A4 Howl, in the "Minimal Wear" condition. Pretty lucky, when you consider that the current price for it is around £250. It wasn't at the time, it was 10 times less. I still sold it, and invested in more keys. Before playing Counter-Strike: Global Offensive I had no idea what it was like to be a compulsive gambler. I do now.

This isn't the end though. Before I played this game, I enjoyed speaking to people of different cultures, and nationalities. Now, however, I have a burning rage inside me whenever I discover that somebody is from Russia. I'm just glad I finished my A Level in Russian history before I started playing this game. The Polish are a sort of wildcard - some of them you love; they are friendly, helpful, just like your local plumber. Some of them though... You know that they are down the job centre whittling away your paycheck by claiming benefits, then using the computers there to log some hours in CS:GO, to push through smokes, and to buy an AWP in an eco round. You know you shouldn't hate them - everybody makes mistakes, but you are in a blind rage.

You need to win. You need to get out of the Silver ranks. You are now in too deep - you are in the "other ranks" stage. You feel you need to prove that you are better than everybody else. First the silvers, you criticise every mistake they make. Even if they aren't Silver... they are now. You rise up the ranks - Gold Nova I, II, then III... you get so close to Gold Nova Master... that fourth star... but before you know it, you slip. You're falling down the ladder... you don't know why.

People believe that Match Making is a pit. It is not a pit, it is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, and never try to climb again. The fall breaks them. Some who are given the chance to climb high refuse - they cling to their rungs, their Master Guardian IIs or their Legendary Eagles. They are content with not believing they can go higher.

Only the ladder is real, and the climb is all there is.

Be warned, once you start climbing, you must keep looking forwards. On the way, you will learn much about yourself - that you have an innate ability to shout curses in foreign tongues, and that you can go weeks without eating as long as it means putting another hard earned sterling towards getting that ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Asiimov. You will doubt the ability of all those around you, just as they will doubt you. Some days will be good, some bad. Some are easy, but many are hard. You will cry, but you will enjoy every moment of it.

You will make friends and enemies on the way. Children, boys, girls, men, women. Some you will love, many you will like, and even more you will hate. Often you will close your game hoping to ravage a beautiful Norwegian girl, other days you will want to take up arms and burn down entire Eastern European nations. There will be plenty of salt on the way, and it will be used for many different things. You will bury it into the earth, so Russia can no longer sustain life, freeing up valuable space in the EU servers. Often, you will become the salt, as you can no longer hold in your anger - yet you must realise the truth. It was your fault. It was your lack of skill, or your poor reaction time. You're just having a bad day. Many will not admit this, and seek to blame others - on this day, they are the salt.

Once you begin, as I have mentioned many times, there is no stopping. Many people believe that there are many "Counter-Strike clones". There is actually only one. Counter-Strike: Source and Counter-Strike 1.6 are nothing like Global Offensive. The only game that comes anywhere close to representing Counter-Strike: Global Offensive is, in contrary to popular believe, Katamari Damacy. This is because only Katamari Damacy represents Global Offensive on a wider scale - a ball that gains momentum, and keeps growing. You cannot stop the growth. You can't stop, for the ball has grown too large. You reach a point where you are unable to stop your balls from stealing your money, and sending it to a small country thousands of miles away. Your balls give you hatred towards minorities, and towards people who are of not only a lesser skill level than you, but a greater one. Your balls keep growing... until you get to the top.

When you reach the top, you will look back and question yourself. Was it worth it? Should I have alienated my friends? What do I do now? What is that smell? When did I last feed my cat? Where should I bury him? Is it too late to get the game refunded?

Or, the most important question of all...

Am I really a cyka blyat?

2023 edit with Counterstrike 2: That M4 Howl that I sold is now worth £12,000. Mistakes were made.

If you like 9gag and being banned by autistic children, this is the game for you

Picture a Swede wearing a full suit of body armour, stumbling and knocking priceless vases around the room, tripping every alarm and alerting every guard.

That was my first experience.

10/10, but I'd rather steal the Declaration of Independence.

This is the DLC for you if you want to:

Smash unsuspecting guards in the face with a piece of wood, that I am told has tradition and meaning

Smash surprising guards in the face with the aforementioned piece of wood.

Smash confused, or generally angry police officers in the face with the same piece of wood.

Mow down either masses of law enforcement units, civilians, or just pop the aforementioned guards with the beautiful SA80.


...or, if you just want to get turned on by the addition of a female character because you're a horny little pre-teen, this is the DLC for you!

There was a man, fresh out of college. He was struggling to get a job, until he finally landed one in guarding a mall. Not a glorious job, not a well paid one, but it helped pay the bills.

Then a Swede, dressed as Charles de Gaulle, smashed him to death with an active German hand grenade.

Now, you can be this crazy Swede, dressed as a Frenchman, risking his hands to ruin somebodies life.

10/10 would buy again.

I would have said that this would be a must have for any collector of the series. From what I know, there are two different Saints fans, those who prefer the earlier games, and those that love the series. The ones looking to embroil in gang warfare like Saints 1 and 2 will be disappointed by the majority of SRIV, as the now President is trapped inside a virtual world, and the whole series is almost entirely based upon various gimmicks, and throwbacks to other games. However, not all is lost - there are a plethora of references to the early Saints which make the game great not only in it's own right, but in this aspect too.