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Only a fraction of people care about all the bugs you found and all the things you personally liked and disliked... the majority of people want to know the most basic and important thing: Is it hard or not? Is the story important or not? etc. and yes, you can write that into few sentences but then it's "just text" and again, the majority of people won't read that cause of "Twitter age" and thus your review is absolutely pointless when no one would read it.
If you make this, it's catchy and people always look at it = you passed the information you wanted to in a simple format people want to. And sometimes it's funny too.
Not sure why you revived an old thread to argue. Also, "people always look at it" is an odd statement to make in a thread where several people have said that they don't look at those reviews. Not sure how you would know better than they do which reviews they do and don't read.
Magazines will comfrotably sit open in your lap, so even a review of a couple of pages is acceptable. You can offer checboxes and artwork to break it up and play to the strengths of the format.
However, therse reviews are text based only, and you'll note there's distinct length of window before it it does the "read more" bit.
Many people will simply avoid reviews like this. On top of this, it does smack of ego and trying to copy professionalism without understanding it too, so it's also not a good idea.
Now all I can offer you is advice from someone who did this professionally for certain magazines back in the day - play to your strengths!
This involves looking introspectivaly at what YOU like and dislike, even in the way you view things and not necessarily anything game related. Many people absolutely suck at perspective, which is why if you look at Metacritic user reviews they tend to be either 10/10 or 0. Complete crap.
So again, what I do on here is play to my strengths. I'm a cheaparse for a number of reasons. Aside from doing this ♥♥♥♥ professionally, I also am pretty good with empathy and understanding how people think. Plus, partly due to being a cheaparse and being around since the dawn of gaming, I have a massive collection of games to refer to for comparison.
With that, I tend to do my reviews by detailing as much as possible how the game works (you'd be surprised how many DO NOT even approach this), what other popular or classic games it refers to or compares to. I don't worry about it being too short a review though, as long as it's entertaining enough and does it's job adequately. Sometimes a longer review IS needed, so be flexible!
Lastly, I avoid the useless idiocy of review scores or checkboxes because they offer zero context to how you think or how you relate to other stuff (or indeed how much experience or knowledge you have). So what I do is explain I'm a cheap arse, give some indication of when and how I buy games, and then give a recommendation on either when you should buy the game (ie. during a sale only, say) or a rough price and leave it at that. Because that IS comparable.
I suppose that's the main key here - make it possible to relate both to other people by being empathetic and relatable to other games. Don't focus on copying stuff others do, just because.
copy one of the review templates, and then replace the marked sections with the symbols in the first post as needed.
they just copy paste the same template every time. it's nothing formal
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198013723081/recommended/39160/
As for the review style you want...i suggest first making a draft in notepad on windows. Then you can copy it over and paste it into the review page. If it does not let you, put "this is a test" on the review, then let it load full page of review, then paste the notepad copy over. This is the method i find the best. Plus when still on notepad, you can edit it in case of spelling errors and other things.
Because Atreyuu was asking for a answer...so i tried to provide an answer.