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As you said mods are some of what makes bethesda games worth the headache, if they are going to constantly cripple modding. Then they simple don't want my business.
Find the tab that governs updates.
Change the option to "Only update when I launch it"
As long as you never launch the game with the .exe but with the script extender instead while your updating preference is set to the above, Steam wont update it. Ever.
Hell, you can try deleting FO4's appmanifest from the steamapps folder so Steam wont know the game is installed anymore (but Script Extender launches the game properly, Steam will show your correct ingame status, etc). Cant update if its not there, right? :)