Recent reviews by Steak-Pocketer

Crow Country was another fine addition of this recent Survival Horror boom to my collection

I used to be a Helldiver like you until I took a PS account login to the knee

Instead of giving you a review about how the graphics and story are stunning, or how these are some of the best mechanics a Survival Horror game has had in year. Im just going to give you one of my favorite encounters with the beast

Im trying to make finish an objective in workshop, but I had some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ rats in my way. Knew if I mixed some ingredients together I could make a Molotov and burn those ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Used a single fuel can to light my way for what felt like all too short of a time. Eventually I make it to the workshop where the rats blocking my path are, only for the Lights to suddenly go completely out, now im ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mein pants. I still have to get around these ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ rats, so I prepare my Molotov and use what little light my lighter makes to guide my path. Finally make it to the rats and hold my Molotov ready to go until I notice my vision blur and hear my Heartbeat go up with the little Siren sound as if the Beast was looking at me. But I didnt make any noise? And I didnt hear his screams or footsteps. Either way I think "well it hasnt screamed or made any noises so it hasnt spotted me or is that close, i'll just chuck my molotov when it comes out of the hole in the Rat room and find another way around the problem" I look around a second seeing to see where he might be or if he will come through the hole in the room by those ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ rats. Eventually getting bored and anxious I turn around to see it was right behind me, inches away from my face, staring me down for last couple of seconds I was waiting for it to come out of the hole, face barely illuminated by my lighter. I try and throw my molotov but it was too late, and it snapped my neck
Mein pants... shidded

If Postal2 and Doom eternal had a love child

Heres a review for you
Buy the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game right this second
it was worth every penny

MAKIND IS DEAD
BLOOD IS FUEL
GAME IS GOOD

I killed a god
Made him my follower
Sacrificed him
brought Him back from the dead
married him
and then put him on Janitor duty for all eternity

yeah pretty good game ig

I am leaving a negative review simply because I know it would make the Narrator very unhappy

(Review text hidden)

Its a lot like my penis, very small but it gets the job done.