Recent reviews by Jordy Horney

Someone please fix the performance. The performance is so bad, that the pc specs requirements are actually lying to you, and it's just cause this game runs so so poorly. Everyone is saying the same thing, and the performance is just so so bad dear god it's hell

Other than that the game just isn't edgy enough, and doesn't push further on POSTAL 2. The tone is more goofy and comedic, but is really missing that edgy controversial humor that really made POSTAL 2. This game really does feel like it's playing it safe, and just is not offensive enough.
The jokes in this game just really don't stick, because of the missing edge. The tone of this games humor is weirdly remeniscent of POSTAL 3's humor with the random = funny thing going on, and it's scarily similar.

Gameplay is still fun though, if the framerate isn't ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ itself the whole way through. Although I cannot recommend this game in its current state.

This game has much better potential than RE:Verse, but my god dude what is it with Capcom and making one off gamemodes for Resident Evil? Like now I can understand they want to make maybe online gamemodes but they are making ♥♥♥♥ nobody wanted, and then not supporting it when it backfires.
But this has actual potential that could possibly compete with ♥♥♥♥ like Dead By Daylight, IF given the proper management and care. But of course, Capcom did not do anything. It's mediocre at best, filled with hackers, no dedicated servers, not a shred of support to keep this game in a good manageable state.

For the love of God Capcom, if you wanted to make this, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ make it and at least try to make it work and be enjoyable so it isn't such a forgotten mess. But yeah, this is will be dead forever.

I don't understand what I just played bro. Give me my time back, this wasn't worth it. This game isn't worth a serious review, what the ♥♥♥♥ did you guys make?

This PC port is so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bugged and broken that I highly do not recommend this. No amount of mods can fix the constant crashing in the DLC, or the random crashing in base game. This game has so many problems, yet has so many fun characters, and a lot of well and neatly written characters. The gameplay is even alright, with satisfying gameplay despite how ♥♥♥♥ the gun firerate is if you're not mashing left mouse. I recommend, and don't recommend this game.
It's like seeing someone make a really really pretty piece of jewelry that is really alluring, only for the people that even allowed this to be made, command that it gets shoveled in ♥♥♥♥ first, and then put on display. Yet we all want this, despite the amount of ♥♥♥♥ that is covering it.

Sidenote: Dead money is the worst DLC on PC ONLY because every door you enter and exit has a 50/50 chance of crashing the WHOLE experience consistently. It's fun, at a cost of every fiber of your sanity and patience.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ this PC port is awful. Like, the lag, no matter how good or how much you try to mod this game to function above thirty frames, textures tear constantly from a far, every cut scene stutters noticeably, keyboard controls for driving things are far worse with the controller in mind but the game starts to stutter when you actually USE a controller, and the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ episodes keep killing the phone calls anytime I get called.

This ♥♥♥♥ is so busted, and I only started noticing how busted it actually is when I started playing the episodes. I've been enduring it when playing the base game, and it's ok, but ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ just got worse.

This is what happens when you give us power. We turn it against you, and we become more than a Cherub Rock. We ARE the master of puppets but speed up every time we say puppet. We ARE the table. You can't stop us Ubisoft. One too many shady business practices have caught up to you.

Dude, it uses the damn Diesel engine and had a budget of $8 million that went no where but the cinematic trailer. They didn't try, and I won't either.
At least I got it for free, but those $20 buckaroos still came out of my friends bank account. I still feel bad for them.

It's just Far Cry 3 if you want just more of the same gameplay, but less of an interesting, uniquely made story with interesting explained characters.
What is there to say? It is a game to grind with a whole wide cast of lack luster characters, with I think Ajay being the least intriguing. Ajay's motives are to bury his mothers ashes and figure where his sister is, but if you get that alternate/beginning ending, every thing Ajay wants to know is told to him, and the whole game when you DO actually play it, feels meaningless. Why do I care about helping rebels? Why can I just kill everyone and everything with no skills, or backstory, and just win every time? The plot armor is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ insane, especially without any reason why Ajay can kill everything.
Seeing as I have only three hours, I can't bare with it. I've looked other places to see if I can understand the story more, but no. It's either explained terribly, or never explained at all. Since I never actually finished the game, I can't go too in-depth with this review.
Although I've been playing Far Cry New Dawn, and feeling burnt out on this franchise, because jesus christ did Far Cry 3 set a template that Ubisoft just completely copied for Far Cry 4 and it is a shame, because it REALLY needs a good story to keep the momentum, with stakes, and actually well written characters. Ajay just seems to mess around helping rebels rebel against some guy who was going to help you from the very, start. And again, that alt ending makes me want to side with the bad guy. That's not what you want scenario wise, if you hate the main good guys and have to kill the only guy you AGREE with. Which yes, this game has two branching paths to side with, and would've been really cool if you could actually side with Pagan. But once again from Ubisoft, unique story ideas wasted again.

After some time playing, I just can't really recommend. These are my thoughts after a solo play-through, and I don't really wanna experience it with friends, since I'm pretty much done for now.
The melee system works exactly like Left 4 Dead, except way worst for how inconsistent the hit-boxes are. If you have the knife, that is the only melee weapon that actually works consistently. Also, you can't shove with a melee weapon, and I don't understand at all. You can shove with guns, but a fire axe? Nah, you swing or die and get infected from the dumb one-shot infection RNG.
I'm also perplexed by coop and PVP, because the game wants you to play coop (depending the gamemode), but when you die and zombify, the game then wants you to ♥♥♥♥ over your friends. So it just feels confused on what it wants to do. But thankfully you can disable this, so that is nice.
Also I think for how exactly the game wants to play, it just doesn't work with the infection mechanic. The zombies are too fast, and one little scratch could mean your death bed, which makes this mechanic really inconsistent, and I don't know how this is meant to work other than it is total RNG baby! I got hit once, in two playthroughs, and got infected immediately, while at other times I felt invulnerable. NMRiH in my opinion did this way better, because zombies had to actually bite you, instead of kitty scratch you to make you infected. But once again, you can disable this.
The game wants to be L4D, yet also realistic, and it doesn't work at all. Maybe if the kinks were worked out, and took some notes on NMRiH on how they did their zombies, and how infection works, it could've worked. While NMRiH has a bunch of different zombie patterns to understand, actual walking zombies, and one specific way to get infected, Contagion doesn't really do anything in innovation, and every zombie feels like a L4D common zombie.
The game is action oriented and can be quite fun, until you play on hard difficulties for challenge, and have to kill dozens upon dozens of zombies, with no bullets, resorting to the crap melee fighting, but again if you don't have the knife you might as well die. But good luck anyway fighting when zombies are one after another right behind each other.
Also, having zombies execute you and vice versa is really dumb. Why execute a zombie, waste time in the open, when you could just stab its back and get it over with? As well as only to play solo to have a zombie sneak up behind you, and execute you is extremely ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Maybe the devs saw it as realistic, and sure. But from a gameplay perspective, it is so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ for being a cheap one shot tactic. But I know some people would probably blame me for not keeping my eyes peeled, and I say fair, but this also just doesn't feel fair. Also doing execution attacks are completely out of sync with the sound and animation which can be immersion breaking.
Inventory management is meh. You can only carry four weapons and/or objective items, but you can carry all the ammo in the world. I believe it wants that L4D mentality with being able to carry hundreds of ammo without getting slowed down, and that one less thought in resource management.
Although the gore and guns are really nice, I'll give it that. The guns sound really good, and wonderful to blow a zombies head-off and see holes form in their head it is ridiculously satisfying.

Overall, I really want to like this game. But, it is so average, unpolished, way too janky, nothing innovative with the zombies, crap melee combat, confused game direction, and just a lack of overall maps and gamemodes with a mostly dead player base due to this game costing money, while NMRiH is completely free and suffers way less problems with a interesting spin to how you need to interact with the zombies, and melee combat that actually works 90% of the time. Although I did spend four dollars on this game, so my money could've been spent on way worse things, because this isn't a completely terrible game, it's just really mediocre and annoying at times.

There's nothing strategic about fighting a bullet sponge that is the same level as you, but you're the weakling who can be downed in an instant. Sure you can plan ahead even after a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ death, and try to maybe flank, but getting better angles don't do anything. If you can shoot it, it can shoot you and you will die every time. A bullet sponge isn't a fun obstacle. It is tiring, monotonous, and it just feels like lazy game implementation to pad out fights for no reason. Especially if it comes in the form of five dudes and you're only one person, which then the game just says "good ♥♥♥♥♥♥ luck bucko." Then you die, respawn, and do it again. Loading a full magazine into someones face will never be fun in my eyes, since the damage intake is so imbalanced for the player, and the fact the enemies just get every single damn angle on you it is infuriating.
If anything, I actually think the RPG elements made this game far worse. You have to kill everyone one at a time with one full clip at a time, while they can kill you with ease and not reload at all. So you get somewhat realistic properties applied to you in terms of damage intake, while enemies get funny RPG fantasy damage intake. So the game is stuck some of the worst game structure of wanting to be realistic, but not being realistic when a level number is just tacked onto an enemy. The game doesn't know what it wants to do, and it will be unfair everytime. This comes from a solo perspective, which is a terrible way to play this game. But thankfully none of my friends own this crap.
I tried. I tried to enjoy its combat and atmosphere, because lets face it. The story is crap. So I tried to let everything else work, and I can't enjoy the stupid combat system. So ♥♥♥♥, what do I do? I don't enjoy it for the rest of my life and write this review out of frustration for trying.
There you go. A real stinker of a game. 3/10 stuff like that. Probably better with friends, but I don't count on it. Also this game has loot boxes and premium currency, there's like four different currency types, and I don't support it. ♥♥♥♥ ubisoft.