The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed

Bri*ish sex really be like, "oh most delightful, I believe I am about to arrive."

We really live in a world where the sentence "her juicy boipuss.y" didn't confuse me.

The saddest people coom the hardest.

Male birth control exists and it’s being 5’6.

Are bras measured in cups because titties have milk in them?

It's kinda f.ucked that musicians eat sandwiches by placing them inside trombones and honking them into each other's mouths.

What's the difference between a rook and a bishop
The rook can only go straight while the bishop f.ucks the children 

EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

A d.ick has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his famliy is nuts, his neighbor's an a.sshole, his bestfriend's a p.ussy, and his owner beats him.

France can't have a civil war because both sides would surrender.

COUNTRY ROADS, TAKE ME HOME, TO THE SETTLEMENT THAT NEEDS YOUR HELP ILL MARK IT ON YOUR MAP

"Believing in a flat earth is scientifically similar to balancing cashews on the tip of your penis. No matter how enthusiastic you are about it, you're still f.ucking nuts."

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended

Hello everyone. I’m Scott, President of Dominos Pizza. Have you heard of Hatsune Miku? Today I would like to announce a new collaborative project featuring Hatsune Miku: Dominos App Featuring Hatsune Miku. Hatsune Miku exists in a software called volaloid. Vocaloid enables you to produce songs. A character named Hatsune Miku sings the songs you create. A great feature is you can create songs as you like. I knew our talented Dominos Pizza crew could work together and create great vocaloid songs. Bokorpe, Eshi, Chokyoshi, Futusekeshi, everyone! Amazing vocaloid songs have been created with the fantastic imagination of the crews from all over Japan. The challenge was successfully carried out, and this new collaborative app was produced. Based on Miku’s image, the Dominos app changes its appearance. A lot of music and illustrations produced by Dominos crew are here. From the menu to the order, it looks very cute: just like Miku. Once your pizza’s delivered, have some fun with Miku! It comes with a social camera function, and you can take various poses, pictures of Miku: Very cool. And last, but not least, the live performance! Start the pizza stage live and point the camera towards the pizza box, and the pizza box will turn into a live dancing venue. A live performance of Love for Night produced by Dominos crew! Here we go! Miku sings Let’s enjoy the rest of the performance, with the app!

My 7th grade class was a 7th/8th split. Some of the 8th girls were already well developed, while I still looked like I was 10 years old. Dumbass substitute teacher made us play some kinda tag-type game out in the rain for PE. I pretended to slip when tagging and slapped this girls titty as hard as my boylet arms could manage. It newton's cradled into the other one and sent both of them into a raucous tumble.

Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky

The missile knows where it is at all times. It knows this because it knows where it isn't. By subtracting where it is from where it isn't, or where it isn't from where it is (whichever is greater), it obtains a difference, or deviation. The guidance subsystem uses deviations to generate corrective commands to drive the missile from a position where it is to a position where it isn't, and arriving at a position where it wasn't, it now is. Consequently, the position where it is, is now the position that it wasn't, and it follows that the position that it was, is now the position that it isn't.In the event that the position that it is in is not the position that it wasn't, the system has acquired a variation, the variation being the difference between where the missile is, and where it wasn't. If variation is considered to be a significant factor, it too may be corrected by the GEA. However, the missile must also know where it was.The missile guidance computer scenario works as follows. Because a variation has modified some of the information the missile has obtained, it is not sure just where it is. However, it is sure where it isn't, within reason, and it knows where it was. It now subtracts where it should be from where it wasn't, or vice-versa, and by differentiating this from the algebraic sum of where it shouldn't be, and where it was, it is able to obtain the deviation and its variation, which is called error.

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

NIGHT