Among those of us with esoteric libraries, Luup ranks near the top. I thought my collection of books and tomes was impressive, but when luup invited me to his estate in rural arkansas via AOL messenger I was absolutely aghast. Scriptures, tomes, and manuscripts as far as the eye could see. This is where the story takes a bad turn... I was jealous. I was green with envy. I burnt the entire thing to the ground. "WHy are you doing that" luup asked over and over as I drove to the store to buy gas, milk, and matches. "Stop doing that" he said as I poured the gas and drank the milk. "I'm leaving." he finally said as I struck the final match. I still don't know where he is...

Luup sold me my first boiled egg in in 2006. I was fresh out of college, bright eyed, and ready to take on the world. needless to say, the stress of my high powered business job made me seek out mind altering substances and Matrix-adjacent forays into altered realities. After being denied a promotion due to my white rabbit tattoo and severe dependence on dope (pool cleaning tablets) i found myself in bad + dark place. Luup appeared like an angel, offering me a hard boiled egg with the promise that it would turn my messed up life around. Sure enough, I have a necktie and a gas station job today and I can support my ex wife almost every month. Whenever I think of going back on my promise I think of how good an egg is and how much I like an egg to eat.

Luup aka "Mr. Snips" as he goes by in certain circles sold me a bad DMT pill last year at a smash mouth concert. As a result my vision has a permanent aura and blur and I see ghost-like visions when I am tired. This has resulted in me losing my job at the jetski factory outlet store where I cleaned the toilets.

What can you say about the person who saved your damn life? This guy donated the ENTIRE contents of this thorax to me after I was struck by an errant lawn dart as part of a YouTube prank video gone awry. Needless to say luup passed away shortly after due to aggressive bristles syndrome and because he didn't have a lungs an liver.

Here's where it gets dark ladies and germs... Ever since my surgery I've had... Odd cravings. I love to eat apples and oranges late into the night, often exclaiming my love of fruit for all to hear. My wife is threatening to leave because my wails of pleasure are waking up her boyfriend and causing him to perform poorly at his gas station job. Sometimes I lick my fingies clean after a apple+orange binge and I'm so damn out of my gourd that I sprint to the store to buy more. I've been banned from several fruit retailers as a direct result of my behavior towards the staff and my conduct in their public restrooms. Also my hair turned white for some reason.

Luup planted an IED underneath the right-rear tire of my 1999 kia rio. the resulting explosion not only dismembered my entire undercarriage and mangled both of my legs beyond recognition, but also resulted in me contracting a antibacterial resistant infection during my stay in the hospital. Luup has graciously offered to cover the cost of my wheelchair fuel, however he has not agreed to fund me via amazon/nintendo store gift cards to cover my emotional anguish from this incident.

Wow. Where to begin? This guy is a con artist pure and simple. First of all, he SEVERELY undercooked a shrimp and fed it to me, resulting in weeks of painful BMs and a trip to the ER which cost me thousands of dollars (doctors say they may have to remove a section of my intestines to cure the issues/problems ive been having with my bottom). Second, we were playing in the yard and he told me to go get a ball and when I was far away he fired what I now undetstand to be a gyrojet type projectile at me. Thankfully it missed and struck a nearby horse, but knowing that I was inches from death at the whims of this flipping psychopath makes me cry and whimper every night.