141 people found this review helpful
137 people found this review funny
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 28.6 hrs on record
Posted: Mar 16, 2016 @ 10:54am
Updated: Mar 19, 2016 @ 4:10pm

Early Access Review

Somebody killed my wife.

They say I done it, but I didn't. I found her there, lyin' there, lifeless. Blood soaked in the floorboard, blood on my hands, blood everywhere.

And that's how they found me.

I never made it big, so they saddled me with some doe-eyed child as green as lawyers come. But I'm poor and he's free. You get what you pay for. Never had a fightin' chance. Innocent 'till guilty... hah. The thing is, I as good as did it. I owed a man money who you shouldn't owe money, hopin' it would float us 'till I won big, but she wound up dead before I could get in the ring.

Now they've sentenced me to this Godd$%mn television show. I gotta fight 15 other murderers for entertainment. Sick world we're livin' in these days. No place for a decent man. That's OK for me I guess, 'cuz I sure as S#%! ain't decent anymore. They say I'm a murderer, well I'm gonna be. How ever many it takes to get back out and find the men who did this. If killin' is gonna make this world a little more decent, then hell, I got nothin' to lose.


They got me in this trainin' room. Showin' me how to make things to kill people. There's this stuff called F.U.N.C. they give me; it's like magic, somethin' about nanotech-whatever. I take two rocks, rub em together with some of this FUNC stuff and I get a knife, I smash a piece of wood on that, I get an axe. Still pretty primitive lookin', and I prefer usin my mitts, but if it'll get the job done, I suppose in some F#%$ed up way I'm grateful.

I know they're just doin' it for entertainment. The better they train us, the better the show we can put on, but the way they look at me, I know I'm doin' somethin' special. Maybe this is why I wasn't any good at anythin' else I ever did. Maybe it's 'cuz deep down, I'm a born killer.

This mornin' they showed me how to rig a steel trap, get someone right in the doorway and BAM, stick em right in the back. I always been the face-to-face kinda fighter, but if these are lowlife murderers and rapists, I won't have any trouble sleepin' at night.

After that, they got me usin' bows, poison darts, throwin' knives, an' for the big finale, explosives. Godd@$n, I shoulda been a military man.

I got one more day in this cage. Tomorrow they're gonna drop me in. No rules, just brutal slaughter to please the masses. I never felt more ready for anything in my life. I'm gonna sleep like a baby.


This is it. They got me in this room with every kinda weapon you could want. Say I can pick out a package. If I earn enough, they'll send some airdrop in for me. Isn't any scavenged business either; all top notch. Only the best for us cons. World's gone crazy. I pick up a rifle, check the clip: only four bullets. No way I'm makin' those shots. I move away from the firearms, too loud anyway, might as well wave one a those big fingers they got at ballgames. Bows, nah. Traps, make 'em when I'm in it. Close combat, now we're talkin'. I pick up a machete, feels alright. Grab one of those Japanese swords, really light, maybe.... Then somethin' catches my eye. Oh yeah, this'll do, this'll do nicely.


Every muscle I got is tense as a tow-rope. I'm droppin' through the sky and I can't see a damn thing. In a box barely big enough to turn around. Like a piece a cargo...guess that's what I am now, here for everyone's entertainment. I'm about to give 'em somethin' they'll never forget.

I think about my girl...always loved you, never meant to hurt you. Now the whole world's gonna feel your hurt.

BAM. I land with a thud that rattles my skull. I hear some announcer they got piped in through the whole stadium, "GET READY! 5...4...3...2...1!" Top flies off my cage. I'm free. My heart's racin' like the Indy 500.

I can't see a damn thing, just jungle all around. Need a weapon. I pick up a rock. Another one. Got enough FUNC for a knife...well a shiv. A branch. Now I got a spear, good; we've come a long way from the cavemen, eh? Hah. I need to find a buildin' before someone else does. I scramble up a hill like a madman and look out. Past the jungle I see some tower in the distance. Bingo.

Found a nice shallow stream that makes the goin' a little easier, should reach that tower in no time. The announcer booms out, "Somebody killed another player with a knife!" One down, fourteen to go.

There it is! Building is about 400 feet away. I stop and scout a bit. No movement that I can see. Alright, let's check this... Oh, S%!T. A rock just whizzed by my head. I whirl around and some skinhead's swingin' hammer at me. Duck. I clock him with the haft of my spear in the ribs. I hear a satisfying crack. He jumps back, holdin' his side with one hand. We stand there. just breathin' hard. Go ahead, a$%hole. Make your move....


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Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun Apr 8, 2016 @ 5:09am 
Hey guys, expect another installment this week. Gonna finish my Dying Light series this weekend.
Наполеон Бонапарт Mar 23, 2016 @ 1:19pm 
FINISH IT!!!!!!!!??%$?##
Esdesu Mar 23, 2016 @ 1:02am 
Verown Mar 21, 2016 @ 8:57pm 
I sat here reading it out loud to my friend in a southern accent giving it depth. So much fun. 10/10 keep doing what you're doing.
RoosterOfDoom Mar 19, 2016 @ 5:16pm 
I feel like the episodes are just a orgasm and I'm part enjoying it.
Jordy Mar 19, 2016 @ 4:05pm 
JallyFish Mar 19, 2016 @ 3:39pm 
So good!!! Can't wait for more :bbtraccoon:
Lelouch Mar 19, 2016 @ 2:12pm 
EpikMaowPhailure Mar 19, 2016 @ 2:11pm 
Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun Mar 19, 2016 @ 11:14am 
You got it...updated with episodes 3 and 4.