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Phys

Dick Kickem

Bellingham, Washington, United States

Engineer: Hey look, buddy, I'm an Engineer. That means I solve problems.

(A gunshot ricochets off the truck near the Engineer; he ignores it.)

Engineer: Not problems like "What is beauty?", because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.

(Two more gunshots ricochet off the truck, close to the Engineer's head. He glances briefly at the bullet holes.)

Engineer: I solve practical problems.

(The Engineer takes a bottle of beer from a nearby crate and swigs it as the level 1 Sentry Gun near him swivels round and shoots an unseen Heavy.)

Heavy: (screams)

(The Engineer puts down the beer and continues to play. The Kill counter clicks up from 209 to 210.)

Engineer: Fr'instance...

(The camera shows a BLU Sniper in the background trying to sneak up on the Engineer)

Engineer: ...How am I going to stop some big mean mother hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind?

(The Sentry Gun spots the Sniper and kills him. The Kill counter clicks up to 211.)

Engineer: The answer...

(A level 2 Sentry Gun fires and kills a Scout and an unseen enemy.)

Scout: (screams)

(Kill counter clicks up to 213)

Engineer: ...use a gun. And if that don't work.... [A Level 3 Sentry Gun fires its rockets] ...use more gun.

(The Engineer stops playing. A large explosion is heard and the Engineer grins happily.)

Unknown Assailant: My arm! (from off-screen)

(The Kill counter clicks up to 214. A severed Sniper hand lands in front of the Engineer; the level 1 Sentry Gun follows the hand, while the Engineer continues playing.)

Engineer: Like this heavy caliber, tripod-mounted, little ol' number designed by me...

(The Engineer kicks the hand away, which is shot out of the air by the level 1 Sentry Gun.)

Engineer: ...Built by me...

(The level 1 Sentry Gun an off-screen Soldier. The Kill Counter clicks up to 215.)

Engineer: ...and you'd best hope... not pointed at you.

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