Recent reviews by CrazyJayBe

No because I just checked the store page and they're selling this early access project at full market price.

Folks, this game has been out for a decade. I bought it Dec 09, 2015 for $7.99. Now it's twenty bucks.

It clearly has glitches that are impeding gameplay. I just came here to leave this review in frustration because it crashed after trying to load an autosave...after smashing into an asteroid lol.

While there are definitely things to enjoy (while it works) like mining and collecting resources, building a capital ship to process the resources, and to do a little battling, A LITTLE mind you, there's really not much else to do.

The 2-D plane orbital mechanics are just perfect for this sort of game but like I said, it's unfinished. STILL! Still after it was "released" on Nov 20, 2014 it can't be trusted to work properly.

One of the most aggravating things is the tutorial which comes and goes on a whim. It showed up the first couple times I started a new game but because there's a learning curve, I restarted to try again. Suddenly, it wasn't there anymore. I checked the options both in-game and on the title screen but there's nothing there to turn the tutorial back on. And THEN, get this: I'm playing, trying to figure out how to build and what I need when the tutorial suddenly shows up again! Now, it whizzes through a few screens because of the objectives I already completed and then will wait for me to do something I've already done! "Alright, I'll just build this thing and then delete it." Fine. That worked. But then it introduces a battle where after you have to repair your ship. This worked ONCE, the first time I played (recently). It highlights a button on the bottom to repair your ship which orders the drones to fly out and do so. The next few times (when the tutorial actually appeared) it would improperly highlight the button for the inventory! Well, when you click that, it doesn't repair the ship, it pulls up the inventory! GASP! Then the tutorial just stays stuck there until you repair your ship. Or crash. Or delete the game and go play Dyson Sphere Program which I'm about to do after I post this thing.

$20? You got some nerve, devs. Either charge for LESS than what I paid and leave this 10 year old project as is or GET BACK TO WORK!!!!!!

LOVED this game when I first played it in Iraq in 2003 and after I got home from deployment, played this multiple times through 2004 on Against All Odds difficulty. Wonderful game!

You play as Christopher Stone, an NYC plumber on his way to a job with his brother, "Plumbers On Patrol". They realize it's the apartment of non other than the hot "Warning Against Reds" spokesbabe Isabella Angewhatever.

SUDDENLY!

THE REDS ATTACK!!

Wait...the Soviet Army?! Yep. Modern day (2003) New York, an alternate timeline where Moscow drops The Bomb on Berlin, ending WWII, and invades the streets of the city, all in an effort to "liberate" the lazy West from decadence.

I'd say we could really use them right about nowANYWAY...

Once it hits the fan, you now have to make your way to the underground resistance where you wind up taking on a new profession: Super Plumber Bros from Brooklyn who jump into pipes and fight evil. Never been done before. Totally new concept.

You start your meager squad with just two people to tag along. By issuing commands, you can send them to their deaths.

OR...

Success. As long as you use them wisely, you can get your squad to do the heavy lifting while you provide overwatch. I recommend this method throughout the game. When THEY go down, they just need a medkit. When YOU go down, you have to restart from the last save. Blah. Sometimes you'll come to an installation where you get to operate a machine gun emplacement. THIS is a BOON. You can mow down the enemy for a while and then step back, send in your troops, and get back on the gun. This'll flush out any Reds under cover and you'll know where to shoot.

Against All Odds is perfectly doable. I believe there's a few more enemies and you lose health faster.

So, don't get shot. There.

There's plenty of AK47s throughout the game. It's not super accurate but with the near unlimited ammo you can just lay down suppressive fire for your squad. Be smart. Don't send your troops to their death but also you don't have to tiptoe around either. If done right, this can be an intense, fast-paced and rewarding shooter.

Allow me to give you a couple tips: GET C4!!! From the very beginning of the game you need this plush plastique pearl of perfection for all the major jobs in the game. Sometimes it'll already be stocked in your base but most of the time you'll have to raid it. The first is right next to some cops pinned down by a snipers nest. Grab a brick, head back to the manhole, and select Another Location. Head over to the Gas Station and blow those mofos slo-mo style. Be sure to walk away slowly while donning badass sunglasses.

The next area has the C4 at the hotel. It's infested and overwatched by a sniper position. You'll have to skirt around and take out the snipers from the back. Then, lob some grenades at the postion while you race for the alley behind. Circle around and grab those sweet, delicious bricks of boomspice. Now, hear me out: you'll notice there's a manhole near the hotel. DON'T use it. Run allllllll the way back to the start and use that. Then go take out the Attack Helipad and then the Bridge.

The next area, start in The Warehouse District and immediately take out the two bridges. Then, run all the way back to the starting manhole near the five fighters. TRUST ME ON THIS.

Why? Why run all the way back? Because, whenever you restart a stage, either from death or changing areas, all the enemies respawn and you DON'T have your squad. I've got stuck in in this perilous situation a time or two. So, don't do that.

Go blow the Attack Helipad and continue on.

Finally, you'll have a solo sniping mission. The hardest part of this stage is getting past all the containers at the beginning because there's a sizable enemy squad ahead. As long as you take out the sniper in the tower where you start, you might be able to just bounce past all of them. You might get scratched a couple times but the AI will give up if they can't see you for a minute. You'll climb over a wall and get into a calmer area. Pretty easy from here out. Use molotovs for the two groups and then snipe the rest. You'll have plenty of ammo. Now it's time to trigger the final event. Climb all the way up, wait for your target to appear, DON'T SHOOT...yet, climb all the way back down. This way when you snipe that face you can take off before the attack helicopter gets you. Plus, you can just jump in the water and swim right back to the start!

Finally, you come to the end game. After a harrowing cutscene of harrowing scenes...you know, cutting through the ice, you'll start in bleak circumstances. Now, I'm just gonna tell ya: run along and stay undercover from the machine gun nest by diving in and out of the water next to the two destroyed helicopters. Avoid the enemies. Then, make a dash East to grab the rocket launcher. For some reason, the gunners stop firing for a little while. I don't know why. They just sit there waiting for you to light em up. DO NOT run straight from the ship. They have preternatural aim and will shred you. Just skirt around and stick to the burning helicopters.

See? It's so easy!

Have fun, Freedom Fighter!

Nice.

I've been enjoying building games, economy games, management games forever. I think WarCraft and its superior successor, StarCraft, got me hooked on the bare-bones starting from scratch to a mighty empire kind of thing.

I'm playing this right now because I played Factorio for a while (finally bought it after being on my wishlist for like 6 years...) and that was after playing a whole bunch of Satisfactory.

Apparently I like factory and management games lol I'm a nerd.

Anyway!

You play as a Mecha. Yep. Just your run-of-the-mill robot agent to the stars. The game begins with your wittle capsewl fwying to da pwanet...why am I talking like this? Sorry. You fly over to your starting planet, gently land and NUKE THE ENTIRE INDIGENOUS CIVILIZATION MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

No, could you imagine? lol...

Start by collecting the landscape around you. Thankfully, there are no green activists in this system so harvest as much as you'd like! Use it for fuel but after a couple minutes go find some coal and use that. Then smelt the coal into energetic graphite and use THAT. THEN, make hydrogen fuel rods and use those. And then just nuke the hydrogen and make deuterium for fuel. Then antimatter. Then...um...build a....thing...

.....................crap.........what was I doing? Something about a program...I think I have to build a...huge...um...

Beach Ball! No...no that's dumb. I'm dumb.

You know, I honestly have no idea what to do in Dyson Sphere Program. It's chaos!

Oh well.

Yet another interesting concept that has just enough content to keep you busy past the refund deadline.

You play as a white (or grey?) hat freelance hacker...or something. The game begins when you are offered a pretty standard job while you are on house arrest. Soon, you're pulled into a larger and larger web of things and stuff in the Wonderful Land of Farca. And YOU were there, and you, and you, and you...

The neat things to do are infiltrate peoples apartments, businesses, or other facilities right from your computer and you never seem to gain any weight. After collecting enough information you can then video chat to interrogate people. There's a thing that shows pupil dialation and heartbeat that can kinda help crack the case you're working on.

Here's why it sucks: the pupils and heart rate have little to do with your success since the game is waiting for you to clickety-click the correct keywords. Until then, you have to feel things out like a blind man stumbling into the women's bathroom.

You're character is a lesbian who has a lesbian girlfriend and for like the first 5 hours of gameplay she cannot shut up about this awesome game she wants to play with you. When she finally gets her fat butt over to your apartment, the awesome game turns out to be a top-down warplane shoot ala 1942 for the NES but with slightly better graphics.

Then you two make out. Whatever.

They also push the Alphabet Abomination Agenda with the stupid pronouns. People who are clearly men are "they/them/dumb/fool", you know the crap.

I shouldn't receive depravity when I pay for something. I get to see that for free when I leave my house.

What is WRONG with me?! I bought this back in 2014 and never reviewed it?? Oh man, my apologies.

You play as a Soviet-era border control agent checking IDs and other government paperwork. If you think that coming home from a long day of work only to play a work simulator is crazy, you are correct. However, despite no longer being on anyone's clock, you can still earn a smile with this game that will make you think and test your analytical skill.

It's really a strange phenomenon: The thought that checking IDs all day could somehow make a satisfying game is outrageous but hey, it happened!

TIP: The first couple days are a cinch. Well, the first day is kinda locked in (you'll see) but the nect couple of days are when you can make your most money that will carry you for the rest of the game. Here's how: since the only thing you're looking for is expiration dates, just keep the current day in mind (Nov 24, 1982 I think). Then, immediately glance at the IDs expiration and if it's after, Green stamp, before, Red stamp.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO VERIFY!

The verification mode is only for you (mostly as I believe it's needed to trigger something later) to use as a tool. You don't actually need to prove if their documents are legit or not! So zip through ASAP and you'll end the day with a little extra dough.

Glory to Arstotzka!

Oh yeah, I have THIS "game"...forgot...

So easily forgettable, this one...

I bought this months ago and really really enjoyed it for the first couple hours. Then...it became a second job. Then...I got Factorio and DSP...yeah...totally forgot about this turd.

Now, I know we sometimes like to throw that phrase around casually, "second job", where games force you to grind to level up or whatever. Problem here is that it's TRUE.

A day in the life:
Get up and check aaaallllllllllll the machines you set to craft the night before. Go around and gather everything from the rocks, mainly coal and iron. Go back and craft some more junk. I say junk because once you dive in to the crafting system, you'll break your neck because, like an idiot, you dove in to the very very shallow end of a nearly empty pool. I've seen a review on here that likened this "game" to a puddle: lots to look at but not much to do. You'll find out that there are some necessary things you'll want to craft like barrels to hold beer, especially to sell on the daily market thing. Fine but you can also BUY the barrels, which is more convenient at the cost of your hard earned money. Speaking of which:
Then, it's time to earn money. Now, I like work simulators. Papers Please and PC Building Simulator are just the bees knees! I don't know why that stuff tickles my brain so well but I love em! Here, though, you are literally living through a real life day. Get up > Chores > Work > Bed. Might've been satisfying if you were actually progressing to something but it's the same thing, day in, day out. After you craft barrels, you can craft tables! And after tables, benches! Wow! Then after that, a bunch of ornamental crap that may or may not have a positive affect on your customers if you place the ornamental items neatly around your inn. Or messily, it doesn't matter.

It takes so long to level up your character that you really are just waiting through the grind. It's so dumb.

Plus, this early access was released YEARS ago! You can't tell me that they haven't dug this puddle into a swimming pool yet????

If it smells like a rip-off, looks like a rip-off, and acts like a rip-off, I suggest you get your money back. After all, you earned it fair and square from a REAL job...

Can't believe I've been playing this since 2013 and the sequel since 2007 and still haven't written a review yet!

And if you haven't heard of this game yet, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! YOWZA!!!!

So, you play as a Ranger, a sort-of freelance agent to the stars. You can do whatever you'd like to make a living, including (but not limited to):
Trade
Missions
Bounty
RTS Planetary Battles
Text Quests!
Black Hole Arcade
Dominator Dominating
Pirate Pillaging
Or Pirating the Plight of the Innocents!!

There are 4 distinct genres to this game; your typical turn-base strategy where you take off from planets and fly around in a day-by-day turn cycle. This is your main form of transportation, including of course hyperjumping to other star systems. Then there are the awesome planetary battles where it's a 3D Hi-Rez Robot infested doom scape. You build and control robots that you custom build in a capture-the-flag type of battle. Then there's black holes that will spit you out in random places. Not advisable when first starting out. But the weird thing is everything changes inside them. It's now an arcade shoot-em-up!! Whatever your weapons did in regular space, well, now they do something wacky in here! Finally there's the text quests that will text your logic, puzzle-solving, and investigative abilities.

I'm tellin' ya! Dis game's got it all!!!

Love it. Been playing this for a couple decades and here's to many more!

Very Positive reviews and the promise I'd be laughing my butt off is why I purchased this.

10 boring minutes later after the boring buttons and boring trains, I come to boring elevators.

What am I missing?

I go to YouTube and search: "Best of Human Fall Flat"

I see a group of friends having way more fun on awesome looking levels.

The problem is clear: I have no friends.

Refund requested.

Not fun. Didn't pull me in.

There are only a few things to do:

Walk
Use weapon
Open door
Hire someone
Hurt someone
Collect something

And please don't claim this has anything to do with Deus Ex. That was a great game. This game is too simple. Half hour in and I'm returning it.

Thumb up? Down? Hmm...

It's a nice looking game but it plays horribly. Maybe I'm spoiled by other games so let's break it down.

Graphics are nice and smooth. It's easy to see what you're looking for and it's charming. Cute artwork and characters, fun looking modules and a simple polygonal world to scour.

And now why it sucks.

Have you ever had the problem of enjoying a game too much and not spending enough time sitting and staring at it??? Well LOOK NO FURTHER!!!

Introducing ASTRONEER!!!! We have everything from endlessly scrolling through things to upgrade, endlessly scrolling through things to build, and endlessly scrolling through things to research! Are you sick of screen wide menus that easily let you find what you're looking for? Try our brand new one-at-a-time system where looking for something is as easy as pushing a button! ENDLESSLY!

Trying to build a generator? Congratulations! You built a soil canister! Rapidly pressing buttons allows for invisible selection with our patented Invis-O-Menu! It will playfully hide what you're looking for with a slow popup animation! Hide & SEEK! It's like you're playing two games in ONE!!!

Quests demand you to unlock, print, and build a thing? Have fun with our exciting Prolongatizer Party Pack! Spend endless minutes OF FUN searching for the thing. THEN, simply spend endless EXCITING minutes looking for the correct printer. Wow!! NEAT!! Then, all you have to do is press a button over and over again until you DRAMATICALLY arrive at the thing you were supposed to do stuff to 25 minutes ago!

25 minutes of pressing buttons?? More like 25 MINUTES OF ADRENALINE PUMPING WHACK-A-MOLE!!! It's like having THREE GAMES IN ONE!!!!!

Ever wanted to see what's below the surface? Yeah, no probs. Just get out the gun and like start shooting the ground. It's pretty easy to dig. Just don't dig straight down and keep dropping tethers so you ca--DID SOMEBODY SAY "KEEP DOING A THING WHILE TRYING TO DO OTHER STUFF?!" kaaaa-BOOOOOOM!!!!! Multitasking, multiactive, multiple personality FUN!!! Hey! Are you the kind who likes to make smooth paths wherever you go? Well GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!!! Doing things easy is for PRESCHOOLERS!!! We're serious fun-havers around here and we like to spend endless tedious second trying to make a ramp into this cave so we can get back out!!

Do you like copper? Well we've made several quests that only take about 30 minutes to get to from the start of the game containing all kinds of things that require copper.

BUT GOOD LUCK FINDING IT!!!! We've hidden it deep underground for MAXIMUM FUN!!!!!! Yeah! Who doesn't love digging slowly and dropping tethers every couple of seconds?! NOT ME, YOU DAFT NUGGET!!! Whoops! That tether didn't hook up! Quick! Walk back two paces and try again! Oh and pick up that one! Alright! HAVING FUN YET?!@#$%

Hey did you find the Rover seat yet? You gotta unlock it! Why? TO SIT ON FOR EVERLASTING FUN!! We don't run around looking for fun, we just sit because IT'S ALREADY HERE!!!! What's THAT? You want to sit down? PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE SPLEEN AND LET'S GET ROCKIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG!!!!! Pulling no more than three trailers with a tractor that's powered by a generator on the front burning organics that will either waste it all unless you get out every few seconds to turn it on and off while watching this monstrous Frankenstein contraption jiggle and bounce over tiny bumps and pennies is what we call HEAD POUNDING MIGRAINE FUUUNNNNN!!!!! Spending 30 seconds loading up all those slots just to turn around and head back to base is EXACTLY THE FUN WE INTENDED!! No realli!

We don't want you to get bogged down with giant inventories that hold a lot! That's for hoarders! No!! We want you to enjoy 13 slots, 2 of which will be used up by gun mods, that will get the junk outta the way for more FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUN!!! Holding Shift and clicking to quickly move inventory items is now a thing of the past! LITERALLY LITERAL FUNUNUNUN!!!! Now you can click, hold, drag, drop --oops! Wrong spot, pick it back up, try again, there ya go! Do that 9 more times to empty your backpack and you're on your way to MMWWAAAAUUUUUOOOORRRRRRR FUFUFUFUFUN!!!!!!! BWAT-BWAT-BWAT-BWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH (horn)

Flown to another planet yet?! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! We've made it so complicated researching, unlocking, finding things to research, finding data bytes, finding resources that you can be sure you're HAVING FUN WITH THE BIG KIDS!!!! NO BABIES HERE!!!!

Oh, did I mention the graphics are nice like a children's cartoon?