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EDIT NOTE: This story has been updated due to unprecedented positivity. Comments are now enabled because I'm unperceptive.

> Crashland on a Mountainous Ice Sheet.
> Be a single 21-year old cannibal digger named Toasty.
> Stay warm by becoming roommates with a steam geyser.
> People just keep raining from the sky in drop pods, often bleeding out within hours... or freezing to death.
> Free food.
> Toasty keeps living up to his name, lounging in bed as the steaks freeze for him to later collect.

> Toasty now lives in a mediocre mountain home.
> Sfill alone, but apparently playing horseshoes is an alternative to socializing nowadays.
> Eventually find someone... peculiar. A 20-year old sanguine nudist janitor woman named Suttles who has a fervent passion for researching.
> Toasty's heart goes bump-a-bump.
> Toasty remembers his purpose. He decides to heal the woman's frostbitten body... solely to increase his medical training. Yes.
> Suttles makes a full heckin' recovery, immediately rushes to the nearest research bench.
> Toasty turns up the heater a little bit for her since... you know.
> This delicate flower just keeps being naked in the middle of an ice sheet.

> Foolishly make the research room the same as the dining room.
> Uh oh.
> Toasty walks in with his latest snack. Suttles' smile doesn't even dip when he just starts going ham on the frozen corpse of some rando.
> They talk, Toasty between mouthfuls and Suttles between paperwork.
> Toasty makes a joke about her body (kids, don't try this at home), which Suttles responds by literally turning her back to him, inadvertantly furthing the comedy.
> They laugh. They heckin' hit it off.

> Eventually, the bodies start running out.
> Should be noted that Toasty doesn't actually have any other food other than frozen human corpses,
> Suttles doesn't mind all that much. She has to eat, too.
> Meanwhile, Toasty is grim. Why did he rescue this woman? He knew he couldn't support another mouth to feed for long. Was he just fattening up his prey?
> Toasty decides.
> Meanwhile, Suttles is trying her luck at creating a sculpture.
> She will never finish it.

> In the middle of the night, Toasty sneaks up on Suttles' sleeping form.
> ...
> ...

> Using his previously-learned medical skills and secret stash of actual scavenged medicine, Toasty surgically removes her heart.
> Suttles dies in his arms, without pain or suffering.

> Toasty. despite having a sub-par construction ability, crafts an absurdly excellent sarcophagus for Suttles.
> Walks past the unfinished sculpture.
> It will never be whole.
> Toasty entombs her in his backyard, out in the snow.
> In a haze, he goes straight to bed.

> Toasty wakes up to hunger. The hunger. The very same hunger he had only questioned once before.
> Toasty immediately exits his fortress of solitude-once-more, great bow in hand.
> Walks past sarcophagus.
> He searches and surveys for some wild game, but to no avail.
> Toasty gets hungrier.
> ...
> Toasty makes his choice.

> Toasty lays in his bed yet again, just as he had many times before.
> The food rains when he lounges in his cosy bed? Why did that seem like a long-forgotten myth?
> Starving.
> Toasty, like all people who are alone and in pain, fantasizes.
> Toasty will not do it, he thinks to himself.
> Toasty will survive this, he thinks to himself.
> Some fresh game will come eventually, he thinks to himself.

> ...
> ...
> ...
> Toasty pries open the lid.
> The meat is still there.
> Perfectly preserved.
> Unblemished.
> Untouched.
> Very, very slowly, something almost akin to great reverance, Toasty lifts her up.

> Toasty gnaws on her bones, a ritual like some twisted, corrupted hug in his twisted, shattered mind.
> As he finishes his feast, 20 simple meals fall from the sky right outside his front door.

Randy Random 10/10 best narrator ever.

EDIT: Update due to popular demand.


> Six years have passed.
> In-game. Don't question the space-time again.
> Toasty currently lives in a truly magnificant mountain home.
> His old steam geyser one-purpose-serves-all room now houses a geothermal generator and a wide, vast variaty of crops growing in hydroponic basins.

> The third official person to join was Tater, a Master Raider. He was 78 when he first joined, now 84. Despite him being basically a grandpa, he lives up to his title with his absurdly high combat skills.
> He is also incredibly, incredibly charismatic despite being Staggeringly Ugly, thus proving looks are not all that matter.
> The only reason Tater can put up with living with a cannibal is because he is a Night Owl. He is VERY happy to be up and moving when the sun goes down. When the sun comes up, he really, really hates it, so he simply sleeps during the day.
> Should be noted that, while sleeping, a person's mood is apparently stagnant until they wake up.
> He is effectively only awake when he is at his happiest.
> Role model material.
> He had a heart attack when he was 82. Instead of trying to save him, Toasty, seemingly consumed by some far-off distant memory, surgically... replaced Tater's heart with a bionic one, utterly superior in every way to a normal heart.
> Apparently, death by old age might be a myth. Instead, old people die from heart attacks.
> Tater is essentially now immortal. Probably.

> Fourth colonist was rescued from a pirate camp thanks to the valiant efforts of Tater.
> Maya, a 'Human Computer', is 32 and was rescued because she happened to be Toasty's mother. She is Beautiful, which settles well with Tater.
> She is also a cannibal, which does not settle well with Tater.
> I'm more concerned how she had a child 4 years younger than her until I realized she's actually 61 due to cryogenic sleep.
> Questionable cougar, I dunno.

> Speaking of cryogenic sleep, the fifth colonist was Sophia, Tater's sister.
> She was utterly useless, so I put her in cryo-sleep.
> Did not butcher her due to the fact Tater would've become extremely upset, and having a true veteren grandpa going ballistic wouldn't go down so well.
> Should also be noted that Tater has a power-claw for his left arm because reasons.
> Again, doubling down on the disincentive.
> Realize after two in-game years that instead of having her occupy a colonist slot, I could actually 'gift' her to a different faction.
> I do so.
> Tater, with his metal heart, grizzled veteren experience, and being old, didn't care. As long as she wasn't dead or in danger...

> For whatever reason, raids have reached absurd difficulty.
> Being invaded by 4 - 9 mechanoids per raid now.
> Being invaded by a minimum of 11 pirates per raid now.
> I keep running out of steel to build spike traps, so I've resorted to using granite traps instead.
> Kinda running out of granite now... in this mountainous map.
> Aaaaaand I get a quest to rescue Sophia, as she had apparently been kidnapped by pirates.

> Her sarcophagus lays in some distant, dusty corner of the rock walls.
> Undisturbed.
> Locked away.
> Forgotten.
> Away from the chaos.
> Absolute silence.
> Despite previous claims, a... chunk... of her remains remain.
> There is an absurdly rare item in the game that can *pause* raise thE DEAD, even complete regeneration of lost body parts.
> Still searching.
> Raids keep getting harder.
> I need you more than ever, girl.
> ... Gotta research that space ship...
> Gonna... fly through the stars, together...