So, you've looked at the pretty screenshots and now you're scrolling through the reviews to decide if you should buy this game or not. Well then, let me tell you a bit about it now that I only just finished the first area, Michigan, and checked out some of the other areas to get truck upgrades and visit watchtowers to reveal the maps.

First of all, let's establish who this game is NOT for.

This is NOT a game for ADHD cripples, CSGOtards and high-speed junkies. Here you'll already get a semi-stiffy if you drive in first person view and notice your truck going at 25 mph.
This is NOT a game for whiny millennials who think they can drive, when all they do is take their mom's Prius down the road for 2 blocks to pick up their soy latte at the local Starbucks.
This is NOT a game for entitled zoomers who already throw a hissy fit if they don't get their participation trophy just for showing up. Seriously, society as we know it is doomed, but I digress.
And no, this is not even a game for people who think they are "truckers" simply because they drive some well-secured cargo from Sweden to Italy in Euro Truck Simulator 2. On asphalt roads and highways. During summer.

No, this is a game for MEN.

Real men who appreciate women with big tits and firm asses, not bearded and with a "lady penis". Men who know what it's like to get punched in the balls, repeatedly, and might even have grown to like it. Men who are not ashamed to cry when their truck flips over just half a mile from the target and there's no tree stump around to winch yourself back onto your wheels, only to clench their teeth and recover the truck to the garage on the previous map and do it all over again.

Not to be sexist, this is a game for women too. Women who wish they were real men. And this is a game for complete masochists who hate themselves, but more about that later.

This is a game that will teach you utter disrespect for the local flora, where skinny twigs similar to those pesky antifa commies in frakkin' Portland get obliterated underneath your 50+ inch mud tires. Whole trees will get ripped out by your winch or crushed by your truck with total disregard, which would trigger every tree-hugging Greenpeace bimbo if they saw it happen IRL. Most trucks in this game burn up more gas just idling for a minute than the aforementioned Prius uses on 100 miles, making every Greta-worshipping envirocuck foam at the mouth at the mere thought of it.

This is a game where it's just you and the unleashed fury of hundreds of horsepower against the unforgiving and cruel elements in the harshest environments known to man. There is no real civilization. Towns are lit up but empty, dilapidated houses with boarded up windows can be found here and there on the maps, radios play country music when you get close and dogs bark when you honk your horn, but that's it. Tasks and contracts are given out via text only, you will never come across another human being. Well, apart from one person in a small boat fishing in a lake somewhere who I have yet to see myself but saw on a stream.

Driving through what seems to be almost post-apocalyptic Michigan with its broken roads and flooded areas, or the permafrost of Lake Kovd and its waist-high snow dunes and frozen rivers is akin to the white Caucasian man conquering the savage lands and making it his own, or at least that's how it makes you feel at times.

This is a game for true patriots who love their country, be it the good ole US of A, or Russia. Yeah, I know there's Yukon, but you silly Canucks don't count as long as you keep Fidel Castro's illegitimate son Turdeau around. No, that was not a typo.

This is a game for Twitch streamers who secretly love Trump, but are too afraid to admit it because their coupon-collecting, CNN-watching wives have their balls in a jar on the kitchen counter, and the foul-mouthed, blue-haired virgins in their audience have to be kept around since they're the ones basically paying the bills with their monthly subscriptions. Let's Go Brandon!

This is a game that will teach you patience. At first, you will carefully plan out the "best" route on the map with dozens of waypoints... only to do it again because you flipped your truck after not even a third of the way. Besides, there is no best route anyway. That road on the map? Yeah, it's flooded and you won't get through with your highway truck on all-terrain tires. That shortcut you think you see there? Forget it. It's a murky hell pit filled with mud deeper than Satan's crack and just as smelly, I bet.

You will spend half an afternoon just setting up trucks and/or fuel trailers in strategic spots so that you won't run out of gas with your main beast doing all the heavy load, for one mission. You will spend 15 minutes driving from one map to the other, and another 15 minutes just to get to the starting point of your task. You will spend what feels like hours crawling through swamps, moving an inch or two by wiggling your wheels left and right, hoping to get close enough to that lamp post to attach your winch.

There is no difficulty setting per se. You have normal mode (and hard mode for the masochists where everything costs money, like fuel or recovering your truck), and the game teaches you some basics via tutorial pop-ups in Black River, the starting area of Michigan. At some point, it'll make you go to Alaska to show you how it's done, but there's no real reason for you to stay there, as you don't have the trucks or tires to do much, so go back to Michigan and do some "easy" tasks.

Yeah, the game will get easier over time when you level up and unlock or acquire better trucks (seriously, go to Taymyr and get the free Tayga there ASAP, you'll thank me later), and appropriate offroad or mud tires. Roads you struggled with at first will become a breeze, where your trusty Pacific P12 (which you should buy after selling the free P16) just doesn't give a damn if there's some mud or puddle. You finish the remaining tasks and contracts with ease, for the most part, and you think you're ready for the next challenge.

And thus you move on and get kicked in the balls. Again. And again.

This is a game that hates you. Kola Peninsula, Yukon, and especially Amur are just pure, unadulterated hatred and contempt for you, the player. These maps were created by sadists who would make the Marquis de Sade blush like a little girl who just got her first kiss from her boy crush. Whereas previously you would curse the devs and their whorish mothers over every boulder and unbreakable tree in your planned path (some of those branches seem to be made of titanium, I swear), you now will drop to your knees and beg for a mercy that will never come.

Then you will remember you're a real man, get back into your truck, clench your teeth and head towards that next waypoint on the map, and you will get there, come hell or high water. Which is basically the case.

This is a game that will teach you willpower, and if or when you ever finish every task, contract and contest, you will feel at peace with the world, because you know you have done what most gender-confused snowflakes nowadays could never achieve. I personally am not quite there yet, I still have a long way to go, but I will attempt my best. Alone, because that's how real men do it, not with friends in the desync hell that is the current "multiplayer" mode. Oh, and there's no shame using Maprunner to find those last hidden upgrades, but remember, only pansies use OP modded trucks.

I hope this review of mine helped you with your decision, and if I triggered you, feel free to whine in the comments. Like I give an eff.