Recent reviews by Pork

This game takes forever to load. And the game play is only mediocre.

After just playing the first part, I found the gameplay to be awkward. Using an older machine with a poor video card makes the game jumpy with long pauses between each attack.Perhaps it gets better once you upgrade your rig, but to start out it's tedious with lots of respawning and fighting the same exact bots each time. I doubt I will waste any more time on this game.

Pathetic. My first game and miraculously, the other guy gets instant helicopter monkeys which he maxes out and then goes to get a sandwhich or something. Meanwhile, since I have never played before, my best monkey is the lame-ass sniper idiot.

Totally unfair and unwinnable. What's worst is that you can't quit. I mean, sure I force-quit the stupid app and plan to remove it from my library, but come on. These people have more money than sense, but at least they could make the game so your first experience playing someone else doesn't give them such an unbelievable advantage.

This game can be kind of fun if you can find someone else playing it. They should just shut it down because it's always deead. And this is largely in part to their messed up Hi-Rez account B.S. Constantly having to relaunch and relogin. Not sure if you need to create a new account every time or login with Google or Facebook. None seem to work reliably.

I'm removing this software from my PC as it simply doesn't work and nobody really is around to play.

I have put a lot of hours into this game. More hours than most. Of course more than half of the hours that I have invested in this piece of ♥♥♥♥ excuse for a game have been lost due ONLY to the general incompetence of the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ developers. Here are a couple of examples of how bad this game sux:

First, they go out of their way to claim that it is not a PAY TO WIN game. That would lead you to believe that you can't invest money in the game to get better weapons and therefore perform better in the game. THIS IS A COMPLETE UNADULTERATED LIE. They encourage you to buy the currency that you can spend on outfits...sure. There is no substantial proof that shows that folks with custom costumes perform better than those without. HOWEVER, you will seldom see anyone wearing the default costume and taking first place. If someone is wearing a costume, chances are they are the first or second place winner. But that's not as important as the fact that you get DOUBLE BLUTES (that's the name of the currency) and DOUBLE XP (experience points needed to buy better weapons) if you spend money.

So although it cannot be directly correlated that spending money gets you better weapons, it's just a simple ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ smokescreen for the fact that double XP and double Blutes make it so you have access to the advanced weapon upgrades MUCH MUCH faster. In fact, at least half the time it takes anyone who didn't PAY TO WIN. To make any claim to the contrary is absolutely a LIE. It is false advertising and it should be criminal.

But here is the funniest part: The devs want to claim that the weapon upgrades don't really do much. I mean really, can you imagine if they advertised this as a selling point? No, because it is utter ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ again. The thing about the upgrades is not that they increase the DAMAGE points, it's that they have other features that make it impossible for players to fight back. The pulse weapons when upgraded to the point that they fire tons of bullets super fast, don't really have to cause hardly any damage to be HUGE benefit. Each hit, regardless of the strength, using a super fast-rate tesla pulse, causes your weapon to overheat so you can't fire back. Flood the area with these ridiculous tesla pulsees than fire one launcher and kill a ton of people. Sure, the tesla pulse flood costs about 20 hours worth of gametime in XP and Blutes may only increase damage 10% but the added bonus of messing with your opponents ability to fire back makes the upgrade essential.

Upgrade the rifle and you can sit back and single-shot kill anyone. It would make the game frustrating, but it just isn't fun enough to keep playing with a sniper or two on the other team. In fact, if everyone would just quit (like I do) after making a comment about how snipers have ruined the game, snipers would be left to shoot themselves only and maybe the devs would listen.

Okay, but lets say you got all the money in the world and you buy double XP and Blutes and you cruise through the upgrade process (tried this), you have to make the correct decisions about which weapons to purchase and which upgrades to apply. This makes the game less about skill and more about good decision making in advance. If not, it becomes a game of compensating for poor decisions or changes in the way the weapons work.

Okay, but lets say you have done everything correctly and you get to level 32 or 33 with great loadouts...who really cares? Chances are you are going to disconnect 1 out of 3 times. Some days, I disconnect after every game. I have complained as have thousands of other players. I have submitted error reports, I have done everything you could possible imagine, including borrowing a $7000 netCat analyzer to evaluate the connectivity issues and to prove that my computer never loses connection to any other server at any time. I have a solid network where I regularly get a ping of less than 9 and download speeds of 87+. But what's worse is that I have tried it on no less than 5 networks on various hardware and the bottom line is exactly the same: this game sux.

It is frustrating and inconsistent. The devs are completely out of touch and though gameplay is so much fun when player levels are matched, no bots are involved, and no single-shot sniper ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ are present, it happens so rarely that this game is just not worth the hassle. It's frustrating, substandard networking and inconsistent gameplay coupled with the blatant lie about pay-to-win is just enough to keep the game free. If they charged for it, I would, without a doubt, hire an attorney and file a lawsuit.

I have reported the substandard performance and the multiple disconnects to Steam and they could really give a ♥♥♥♥ less. Play this game if you are not competitive and if you could really care less if they screw you over and over and over.