I sat on my 2009 iMac in hopes of attaining at least 15 FPS on Roblox. Now I don't do that. Now I sit on my 2009 iMac in hope of attaining at least 15 FPS on Blockland because I'm not a nerd like you. Learn to be like me. Play Blockland. Don't buy it, just play it. You wish you were me. You and your stinky Roblox ass wish you were me. But guess what? You're not.


First, accept you will never be like me. We are different people. We're like hot and cold, black and white, rich and poor, piss and ♥♥♥♥. I play Blockland and you don't. So, fire up Blockland. After that, sit back and look at you're computer. You're probably gazing on a system with 2 TB of RAM, a herd of RTX Titans, and an Intel 28 core Xenon W-3175X. What I want you to do is to burn it. Burn your ♥♥♥♥♥♥ PC and get a 2009 iMac. This should fit the bill [www.macofalltrades.com] Once it comes in, fire up Blockland. Now you're on the path to livin' like me.


You should strive to be the best and the best is not you. Look at yourself. Six pack, three girlfriends, nine figure job, superyacht, it's all garbage. Quit that job, breakup with your girlfriends, and sink that boat, you're about to be living the high life. I'm gonna turn you into a true high roller! Ditch your bags, leave your private island, and bring your drug money! Time to become your best self!


So you are going to immigrate to the U-S-of-A illegally because that's what's "hip" and "cool" now. If you are in the U.S., cool! You are going to bike to the city where dreams become reality and everyone wears a suit two sizes to big, Las Vegas! Las Vegas used to be a barely legal gas station with a slot machine in the middle of the desert. Now it's more akin to a warehouse full of slot machines in the middle of the desert. Once you get there, walk into MGM Grand Race & Sports Book, bet all your money on a horse with a three legs and what appears to be leprosy, shout "go big or go home" with pride and confidence, then lose everything. As soon as Ol' Stumpy the Horse keels over right on the track, three gold chains, a deep tan, and a baggy white suit will appear on you. Now with no money to pay the bus fare, you must journey down the highway looking for a hitchhiker to bring your sorry ass back home. You may develop a crippling cocaine if you won the horse race. This is normal. Rich people tend to develop cocaine addictions and then lose their money to something unrelated. If you lost the horse race, it's probably crack that you're smoking. Maybe drywall.


Sit down but don't get too comfortable, you're being evicted! Know your rights. Chances are you were given notice but refused to acknowledge it because you were too busy "winning" in Vegas. Whatever you were smoking/snorting before is gone now. In you hand is maybe heroin. It's impossible to tell. Pack your things and get out. Head on over to the dirtiest, most dangerous, gang infested hellhole that some people call home and pick out a bench. This is your home now. In a week you will have an eccentric wardrobe consisting of mostly loose bits of cloth and things you found behind a strip club, a beanie with weird stains, a shopping cart piled high with what the average man would call trash, and a grey beard to store extra food crumbs. In this week you will also have used up the last of your mystery drug and must venture out to get more. Thank god there are twenty people willing to sell to you in every block. Sell your cans and ♥♥♥♥, and get moving. While venturing through these neighborhoods, race is important. Regardless of race, you will probably be offended. Here you will find every slur under the sun thrown at you at once. Bonus points if it's a trailer park and your black. There slurs won't be the only thing thrown at you by the "superior race", who are struggling to stand due to alcohol poisoning or a meth overdose. Once you find your guy, give him some money, say "BRAAUGDH!" (which is homeless for "your finest crack please"), and hit the road. Your new life has just begun...


Soon there will be no more crack for you. You must cope with this. First, stop being picky. Smoke whatever pipe your handed. Accept whatever needle you're poked with. Snort whatever powder ends up under your disgusting nostrils. The picky won't survive here. Find a scientific study or see if MKUltra is still around. This is your only hope. Lets go with the MKUltra idea. There you will get the coolest drugs, the kinkiest sex, and a hell of a lot of psychological abuse to turn into a New York Times best seller. If you need some help in knowing what's about to happen, here. [en.wikipedia.org] The next couple months are going to be an electrifying experience to say the least.


Yeah, you heard me. Now get writing. By this time you're either a vegetable or almost dead in in the alleyway behind a massage parlor. Plug in your iMac and get writing. Make sure to talk a lot about the sexual abuse part because if we've learned anything, it's that sex sells. Get clean from drugs and send that book to some guy who is being payed way too much. Give it a couple weeks and you'll be an accomplished author. You will get calls from people who are either "family friends" or your seventeenth cousins, offers to have a movie deal where you are played by Brad Pitt, and probably a couple men in black who make you disappear for a couple days. This is it, you are almost complete as a person.


Now get out of your new BMW i8, peruse your private menagerie, finish up that chat with Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos (don't worry, Zuckerberg was there. He's always there.), and sit down on your throne. In the corner you will see a duffle bag with some weird stains and the odor of really bad meth. open it up. Inside you should see your late 2009 iMac with the Intel Duo and 4 GB of RAM. Plug it in and put it on your desk made from the bones of Congolese child soldiers and power it on. Go over to Steam and launch it. Over on the left side of your library, probably near the top, should be an application titled "Blockland." Launch it. Play around a bit. This is the high life. You've made it. You are complete.