SIR, SIR, SIR I'M AN SCP AND I ESCAPED MY DEN, COME CATCH ME

have you been a good boy this month

Celebrity stalkers are the WORST! Keanu Reeves will NOT stop calling my work and hanging up. It's getting pretty ridiculous. I think the worst thing about celebrity stalkers is the fact that they bring an entire entourage with them.

Really hard to shower with 6 dudes taking selfies outside my window.

ℳ𝒆𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓶𝓪𝓼

I spend 5 hours masturbating before my prostate exams. I edge, and edge and edge, until a butterfly sneezing on my taint could bring me to orgasm. I tactfully shuffle my way down to the doctor's office and when he lubes up I nearly ♥♥♥ every time. But I've trained my keggle muscles enough to the point where I can hold in Mount Vesuvius' wrath. Then as soon as he puts the smallest bit of pressure on my prostate I unleash with the fury of a lion hunting its prey. As the room gets covered in my hot sticky juices the doctor looks on disgusted and leaves the room. I always go to a hospital far away from where I live to get it so that I don't have to go in for surgery under the doctor that I busted to. Best thing is we have free healthcare here, so the doctor gets me off and it's covered by taxpayers. That's my fetish.

Remember the praise the sun and be a good little boy!