Ph.D. in Theoretical Physics, MIT.
Research Associate, Anomalous Materials Laboratory, Black Mesa Research Facility.

No, I do not know why the Anti-Mass Spectrometer was running at 105%. No, pushing the giant GG-3883 crystal into the highly gamma radiated beam was not my idea. I was specifically informed that the equipment was operating within “acceptable parameters,” which apparently means absolutely ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ nothing when the people defining the parameters are willing to rip a hole through reality for a slightly cleaner data set.

Barney, stop commenting “rise and shine” on my profile.

I would also like it formally recorded somewhere that “the sample is probably stable” is NOT a safety procedure. Neither is “the readings look unusual but continue anyway.” Neither is having six scientists stare through reinforced glass while the newest guy physically pushes the enormous alien crystal into what can only be described as a colossal engineering failure.

We had forms for EVERYTHING at Black Mesa. You needed authorization to move equipment between sectors. You needed clearance to open certain doors. You needed somebody with a different colored badge to sign off on half the ♥♥♥♥ in the building. But apparently turning the Anti-Mass Spectrometer up to ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PERCENT was just something we could do given some signatures. It's always Sector C. The entire facility makes fun of us directly because we are pushing our equipment too far.

Gina and Colette can argue about who handled what part of the sample preparation, I highly doubt they were even barely qualified for their position. Rosenberg can explain why half the teleportation equipment required three separate people to operate and still sounded like it was a self-fueling diesel truck. Keller can explain why his chair was somehow more reliable than most of the equipment in Sector C. Kleiner can explain why a man with several advanced degrees is apparently incapable of keeping track of his own office keys.

Eli is excluded from this complaint. Eli actually reads warning signs. And Eli, despite all the little weird things he does at work, I can still appreciate his presence unlike someone who gets angry over a casserole or a misplaced pencil case.

Magnusson is still angry about the casserole. There was an INTERDIMENSIONAL CATASTROPHE, Arne. Move on. Careful, I am way friendlier to the resistance than you are mate. I dont care what kind of rocket you can send in to orbit.

And then the HECU arrived for what I assume some poor bloke by SILO D called a “containment operation,” which is a very generous term for sending heavily armed Marines into a research facility and having them shoot both the extraterrestrial organisms AND EVERY LIVING BEING, INCLUDING THE JANITORS

Breen somehow went from Administrator of the facility responsible for the largest workplace incident in human history to Administrator of Earth. Excellent career progression. Choose the most unqualified human being to run Earth. Brilliant.

And I still have no idea who people keep talking about when they mention that military guy. Adrian Shephard? Aiden Walker? One of those. Apparently he was somewhere around Black Mesa too. Good for him. Its a HECU marine, who the ♥♥♥♥ actually cares?

If anybody is still alive from Sector C, one of you, ONE OF YOU STOLE MY DIPLOMA!