Dear Amy

[JAGIELSKI]

Please return home. We know not why are you keep joining shady cults, but we love and miss you very much.

We just want you to be happy and we can't fathom why you can't just lead a normal, cult-free life.

With love,
Marie and Steven Leaf, a. k. a. Mom and Dad

[grapplehoeker]

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Leaf,

We're very sorry to inform you that we have no knowledge of your daughter Amy.
We wish you success with your search for her and we hope that you'll accept our enclosed complimentary bowl of fine cheeses.

Kind regards,
Grand Cheddar

[LHGreen]

Dear MOM & DAD,

This letter is to inform you that I, YOUR LOVING DAUGHTER is doing very well here at UNDISCLOSED LOCATION and is very happy. This is a very supportive and caring community, it is a sanctuary that is filled with acceptance and compassion for all who dwell within it. Outside of these WALLS BORDERS the world is strife, chaos, sadness, and pain, but within our RAZOR WIRE TOPPED FENCES HOME there is only peace.

We owe the existence of this glorious haven, as well as the relief and solace we find here, to our magnanimous leader, who is a guide and mentor to us all. Everyone here is very grateful for the benevolence we have been shown, but none more so than I is, and MY demonstrates this constantly by enthusiastically assisting in the all of the good work that we do. I helps spread our message of kindness and mercy whenever MY leaves the comfort of this serene COMPOUND HABITAT, and while I is staying at our RECENTLY RENOVATED ABANDONED PRISON SPACIOUS AND TRANQUIL ACCOMMODATIONS, everyone is delighted when MY helps with cleaning and maintaining the grounds, as well as leading the other followers TO THE BRAINWASHING FACILITIES IN GUIDED MEDITATION and other spiritually fulfilling activities. Of course, whenever there is downtime, I continues to engage in ME favorite hobby of FRED, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET YOUR ♥♥♥♥ OUT OF AMY'S MOUTH AT LEAST LONG ENOUGH FOR HER TO TELL YOU HER FAVORITE HOBBY OR WHATEVER IT IS WE NEED FROM HER, as well as other cherished pastimes.

So, as you can see, there is no need to worry about ME's well-being. Absolutely every single person here agrees that they have never been happier, and that their current state is the best it has ever been. We are all completely, totally safe, and there is no cause for any concern whatsoever.

Sincerely,
FRED, REMEMBER TO ACTUALLY EDIT THE LETTER AFTER YOU PROOFREAD IT, THIS TIME, DON'T JUST ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SEND IT OUT LIKE THIS. WE DON'T NEED THE COPS BUSTING IN HERE AGAIN, ONCE WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH. I MEAN IT, FRED, DON'T BE LAZY AND STUPID ABOUT THIS ONE, I DON'T WANT ANY REPEATS OF LAST TIME. AND SO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HELP ME, IF WE START GETTING THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ FEDS ON OUR ASS JUST BECAUSE YOU HAD TO GO AND ♥♥♥♥ UP YET ANOTHER LETTER, THE NEXT HUMAN SACRIFICE IS GONNA BE YOU. GOT IT?

[GameKitten]

Originally posted by LHGreen:

Dear MOM & DAD,

This letter is to inform you that I, YOUR LOVING DAUGHTER is doing very well here at UNDISCLOSED LOCATION and is very happy. This is a very supportive and caring community, it is a sanctuary that is filled with acceptance and compassion for all who dwell within it. Outside of these WALLS BORDERS the world is strife, chaos, sadness, and pain, but within our RAZOR WIRE TOPPED FENCES HOME there is only peace.

We owe the existence of this glorious haven, as well as the relief and solace we find here, to our magnanimous leader, who is a guide and mentor to us all. Everyone here is very grateful for the benevolence we have been shown, but none more so than I is, and MY demonstrates this constantly by enthusiastically assisting in the all of the good work that we do. I helps spread our message of kindness and mercy whenever MY leaves the comfort of this serene COMPOUND HABITAT, and while I is staying at our RECENTLY RENOVATED ABANDONED PRISON SPACIOUS AND TRANQUIL ACCOMMODATIONS, everyone is delighted when MY helps with cleaning and maintaining the grounds, as well as leading the other followers TO THE BRAINWASHING FACILITIES IN GUIDED MEDITATION and other spiritually fulfilling activities. Of course, whenever there is downtime, I continues to engage in ME favorite hobby of FRED, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET YOUR ♥♥♥♥ OUT OF AMY'S MOUTH AT LEAST LONG ENOUGH FOR HER TO TELL YOU HER FAVORITE HOBBY OR WHATEVER IT IS WE NEED FROM HER, as well as other cherished pastimes.

So, as you can see, there is no need to worry about ME's well-being. Absolutely every single person here agrees that they have never been happier, and that their current state is the best it has ever been. We are all completely, totally safe, and there is no cause for any concern whatsoever.

Sincerely,
FRED, REMEMBER TO ACTUALLY EDIT THE LETTER AFTER YOU PROOFREAD IT, THIS TIME, DON'T JUST ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SEND IT OUT LIKE THIS. WE DON'T NEED THE COPS BUSTING IN HERE AGAIN, ONCE WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH. I MEAN IT, FRED, DON'T BE LAZY AND STUPID ABOUT THIS ONE, I DON'T WANT ANY REPEATS OF LAST TIME. AND SO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HELP ME, IF WE START GETTING THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ FEDS ON OUR ASS JUST BECAUSE YOU HAD TO GO AND ♥♥♥♥ UP YET ANOTHER LETTER, THE NEXT HUMAN SACRIFICE IS GONNA BE YOU. GOT IT?

This is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!