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You have the wrong quest activated or followed the wrong marker.
You'd have to talk with the Nakano family and start the DLC to get access to it (you'd be able to use the boat then) and then after you travel there you'll be able to get to the *real* quest target.
I am 100 percent sure that the quest I have activated is called "Leading by example" and I am 100 percent sure that the location it is leading to is the boat next to the Nakano Residence.
Is the DLC supposed to start when I talk to them? Or is there something I was supposed to do before talking to them. Because talking to them and agreeing to find their daughter gives me no quest update.
I'm also level 40, if level restrictions are, for some reason, a factor here.
http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Far_From_Home
The game sometimes assigns radiant quests in undiscovered areas, which is exactly what happened to you. Unless you want that annoying little squire hanging out with you for a while, I'd load a previous save and NOT take "Leading by Example" until you've unlocked FH.
Once you're there you're free to come and go using the boat or just using fast travel (just click in the icon Commonwealth on the Far Harbor map.)
Good luck :)
And PS: If you're intend on going through the DLC, I'd mildly suggest taking Nick with you *hint* *hint* :) No spoilers, just saying :P
Am I cool with just going to the BOS quest location, clearing it, and then going back to the mainland, without spoiling anything? I want to leave Far Harbor content for later, but am kind of worried about spoiling it for myself now, by even going there like this...
Once you get there, you're kinda stuck in there "story-wise" at least[1], unless you're really flexible on what makes sense, in-world/story wise... as in, it doesn't make sense to get back to the commonwealth, and you cannot ignore the initial steps of the quest once you arrive :L
All of this is IMO, of course.
[1] But, as I said before, gameplay-wise nobody forces you to stay there and you can totally ignore everyone and decide to leave for later... don't remember if the dialogue gives explicit options for that, though.