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Make sure one of you is playing no man's sky with network on and in multiplayer.
To join each other restart the game and choose the Multiplayer option. The picture option on the right. You should be presented with a display of your friends currently playing No Man's Sky. It might say something like 'Player Name 1 /4'. Click on their name and join their group.
Once you both are together check that network options are identical and permissions are set to build together etc.
No Man's Sky Friends list is there as the game is cross-play and not every console platform is listed, except Steam players.
Restarting the game gives you the multiplayer selection picture, to join friends directly. Otherwise you have to meet first at a location (like a common base) and then click on each friend to invite them to group in game.
About qw should appear is what we are having problems with. First time we did, we was able to see us in NMS's friends list, but since we mistakely removed from there, it's impossible to see ourselves in each other's. If we try to add us is when it says that friend is already on NMS's friends list, but this is empty. So if whe build a base together and other is offline, we lose temporaly permissions I think. I dunno if I am explaining myself correctly. If you can clarify this it would be much appreciated. Thanks again and sorry if I missunderstood something you said.