Funny Jokes for CCCP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[So much big beautiful winning]

Hi I'm Vodka and today here I share Communist jokes!!

#1 Political joke
A good commrade once asked Commrade Stalin, "Commrade Generalisimo Stalin, do you have a beloved hobby you like to doo?"
"Da, tovarish!", said tovarish Stalin.
"What is your hobby, Товарищ Сталин?"
"Collecting political jokes"
"How many jokes did you collect so far?
"About.....two and a half labor camps full."

#2 Communist heaven
One day, the beloved leader, Commrade Lenin, died, and his spirit was sent to Communist Heaven.
Over there, he was suprised to see Karl Marx and other glorious Communist thinkers.
"Greetings commrade, how is the world doing now with the revolution fired up?", asked Karl.
"Oh, it's doing great!! Now there're no rich people in Communist lands.", replied Lenin.
"Oh no, I was saying in my book that there would be NO POOR PEOPLE under communist rules."

#3 NKVD
One night on a train heading towards Stalingrad, 4 people were in a cabinet. 3 of them were joking about Stalin and the government, and the last guy wanted to sleep and asked them to stfu!
So he said, "Commrades, do you know that...thaat NKVD is everywhere...really everywhere!"
"Nah, you drunk, Dimitri. Shut up! And let us talk.", said the rest of the group.
So Dimitri went outside and saw a train lady nearby, and he said to her, "Here is 50 kopeks, can you bring me some tea in 5 minutes or so later?"
"Ok sure, thanks."
Dimitri returned to the room, and said to the other peepo, "Here, let me show you that NKVD is listening just now." He walked up to a wall, and unscrewed the lightblup on the wall, and then he said, "Commrade Major, can you maybe send us some tea in around 5 minutes please?".
Then Dimitri screwed back the lightbulb and proceeded to wait.
Soon enough, the lady came with the tea, and after that, everyone just STFU.
Dimitri was happy, and so he went to sleep happily ever after.

The next day, he woke up and there was no one in the room. He went to ask the train lady.
"Where is everyone?", asked Dimitri.
"Oh, don't you know? The NKVD stopped the train in the middle of the night, snatched everyone, and took them to the gulag. Oh and also, Commrade Major really liked your joke." )))

#4 Commrade Nikita Khrushchev
After a forced "retirement", Commrade Khrushchev went to the communist career center and looked for job opportunities. Immediately, after shaking a few hands, a doctor came to him, and asked him to join the Soviet Cancer Institute, to fight cancer for The MOTHERLAND!!!!

Understandbly, Commrade Khrushchev was shocked!! "But..but, I am not a doctor! I don't have a medical degree!", said Khrushchev.
The doctor looked at him, confused. And then he said, "Well, Commrade Khrushchev, you don't have a degree in agriculture, nor a Phd, and you made bread and potatoes disappear. Surely, you can make cancer disappear as well?!".

Commrade Khrushchev shook his hand but died the day after, because of cancer.......

#5 Prison terms
In the gulag, two prisoners, Ivan and Alex, were having a chat.

Ivan asked Alex, "So, how long is your sentence?"
"I got 10 years.", replied Alex.
"Ah, well, I got 15 years.", said Ivan.
"So what did you do to get 15 years?", asked Alex, curiously.

"Nothing....", said Ivan quietly.

"Nonsense! they gave us 10 years just for nothing. So what did you do exactly? You got 15 years you must have done something. Come on!", said Alex, pryingly.


#6 Communism

Nikolai and Dimitriov are standing at the bus station on a cold Khakov morning. Drimitriov lights up his pipe, take a looong drag and says "Commrade Nikolai, I was doing some deep thinking this morning in the bathtub. What do YOU think? Could we spread Communism to America"??

Commrade Nikolai rubs his chin slowly, and replies..." Ahhh, I'm sure we could Commrade!! But then who would we buy our grain from"??

#7 Farmer
A farm worker greets Josef Stalin at his potato farm.

“Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God,” the farmer excitedly tells his leader.

“But God does not exist,” replies Stalin.

“Exactly,” says the farmer. “Neither do the potatoes.”

#8 For the party
Ivanov applied to the Communist Party. The party committee conducts an interview.
"Comrade Ivanov, do you smoke?"
"Yes, I do a little."
"Do you know that comrade Lenin did not smoke and advised other communists not to smoke?"
"If comrade Lenin said so, I shall cease smoking."
"Do you drink?"
"Yes, a little."
"Comrade Lenin strongly condemned drunkenness."
"Then I shall cease drinking."
"Comrade Ivanov, what about women?"
"A little...."
"Do you know that comrade Lenin strongly condemned amoral behavior?"
"If comrade Lenin condemned, I shall not love them any longer."
"Comrade Ivanov, will you be ready to sacrifice your life for the Party?"
"Of course. Who needs such life?"

[Mentally Unstable]

Maxim

[Sami]

lmao, good jokes to read when you are searching for matches.

[So much big beautiful winning]

Originally posted by Sam:

lmao, good jokes to read when you are searching for matches.

Glad you liked it, commrade. In Soviet Union, jokes laugh at you.

[So much big beautiful winning]

If you like to hear more jokes, let me know.

[So much big beautiful winning]

#4 Commrade Nikita Khrushchev
After a forced "retirement", Commrade Khrushchev went to the communist career center and looked for job opportunities. Immediately, after shaking a few hands, a doctor came to him, and asked him to join the Soviet Cancer Institute, to fight cancer for The MOTHERLAND!!!!

Understandbly, Commrade Khrushchev was shocked!! "But..but, I am not a doctor! I don't have a medical degree!", said Khrushchev.
The doctor looked at him, confused. And then he said, "Well, Commrade Khrushchev, you don't have a degree in agriculture, nor a Phd, and you made bread and potatoes disappear. Surely, you can make cancer disappear as well?!".

Commrade Khrushchev shook his hand but died the day after, because of cancer.......

[Thurisaz]

More!! I like them :D

[[e-mail]]

Have you ever faced a poisonous gas attack?
Yeah, its quite a breathtaking experience.

Chuck Norris once took two recon planes down from the sky at once... with a landmine

[So much big beautiful winning]

Originally posted by HPRBST:

More!! I like them :D

Thanks, I will see if I still remember some.

[So much big beautiful winning]

Originally posted by adamír@magnum:

Have you ever faced a poisonous gas attack?
Yeah, its quite a breathtaking experience.

Chuck Norris once took two recon planes down from the sky at once... with a landmine

Ha...Ha...Ha "Clap"

[So much big beautiful winning]

#5 Prison terms
In the gulag, two prisoners, Ivan and Alex, were having a chat.

Ivan asked Alex, "So, how long is your sentence?"
"I got 10 years.", replied Alex.
"Ah, well, I got 15 years.", said Ivan.
"So what did you do to get 15 years?", asked Alex, curiously.

"Nothing....", said Ivan quietly.

"Nonsense! they gave us 10 years just for nothing. So what did you do exactly? You got 15 years you must have done something. Come on!", said Alex, pryingly.

[A Toaster]

nice jokes comrade

[So much big beautiful winning]

Originally posted by vipper998:

nice jokes comrade

Thanks, commrade.
If you can, spread the joy, the jokes, and COMMUNISM!!!!

[ck00021]

#6 Communism

Nikolai and Dimitriov are standing at the bus station on a cold Khakov morning. Drimitriov lights up his pipe, take a looong drag and says "Commrade Nikolai, I was doing some deep thinking this morning in the bathtub. What do YOU think? Could we spread Communism to America"??

Commrade Nikolai rubs his chin slowly, and replies..." Ahhh, I'm sure we could Commrade!! But then who would we buy our grain from"??

[So much big beautiful winning]

Originally posted by ck00021:

#6 Communism

Nikolai and Dimitriov are standing at the bus station on a cold Khakov morning. Drimitriov lights up his pipe, take a looong drag and says "Commrade Nikolai, I was doing some deep thinking this morning in the bathtub. What do YOU think? Could we spread Communism to America"??

Commrade Nikolai rubs his chin slowly, and replies..." Ahhh, I'm sure we could Commrade!! But then who would we buy our grain from"??

Hmmmm, well that was funny i guess. But in the Soviet Union, only lazy and rich people have time to take a bath in a bathtub in the morning!!! Real HARD-WORKING men of the CCCP only take shower with cold water!!!!
This joke sounds too capitalist and too western to my liking......perhaps I might have to report this joke to the NKVD, forgive me.

[screechin kfc boi]

thanks for the daily does of cringe