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Anyway, Google why Miyazaki includes invasions. That will answer a big chunk of what you are asking.
Welp, so much for that.
It's not griefing, but an invasion. They are, by their very nature, taking place without consent. Because if players consented, they'd be called invitations.
Again, everyone is consenting. You get all the multiplayer, or none of it. There is no inbetween. As soon as a host decides to summon in a cooperator, npc or player, they consent to invasions. That is how this game works.
Because the people who use it usually have an awful lot of fun in doing so. The one thing that is holding you back from having fun is being able to beat the two to three man party.
I genuinely suggest a change in mindset. Beating a four man gank in Dark Souls Remasterd is the best thing that can happen during an invasion. Yes, the power creep was less present in Ds:R, but this makes winning invasions in Elden Ring all the better.
What exactly are you having trouble with during an invasion? Is it just the numbers advantage of the host and their summons? If so, try to split them up. Try to make it work somehow, be prepared if they try to wait you out.
Lazy Michael. Can't even finish using the feet pics before falling asleep. I just want him to do a full day's job for a change.
Look who's back, back again!
opt-in pvp would undermine a lot of what makes it good and what makes it work. when you're against people that are just playing the game normally, you have the game to play back at them -- you can ambush them or follow them around, waiting to strike. or they can try to clear the level just to be done with you. they can try to escape and it wouldn't be like they explicitly signed up for pvp before they ran to the fog wall. it's the difference between killing a host before he gets away and a gank squad having an emergency escape into pve they won't even bother clearing.
For perspective, Dragon Age: Failguard had a PEAK of 90k lmao.
Then he got distracted while planning another poisonous swamp area. They managed to get him away from the computer before he turned the whole game into poison swamp.
In His infinite wistom, our Lord and Saviour Mike Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender realized that dedicated invaders are much more skilled than your average player due to constant training of fighting while being outnumbered, so the only correct course of action is to make it so invaders can only invade the weakest pushover people that need help and summon it in the first place, or a gank squad so we don't fall asleep.
Unfortunately there wasn't enough time to implement solo host invasions without compromising spirit ashes and riding (even the mod still desyncs often), so we have what we have.
There is hope that next one by the main team will have it fleshed out better.