Recent reviews by Dave's Funky Tesco Moments

I was always a huge fan of the Textorcist, ever since I 100%'d the game a year ago. Something about the uniqueness of the gameplay as well as the aesthetics and music are hugely enticing to me, so when I heard there was a DLC coming out for the game, I knew I had to play it.
If you have played through Textorcist's base game, you will almost certainly love the DLC. It's a very small, contained sub-story largely detached from the main game that you can play in under an hour, but for the extremely low price it's certainly worth picking up, especially if you felt like the 12 bosses in the base game weren't enough. Granted, it only adds 3 more bosses, but they're very well designed and in my opinion some of the best in the game (all of them have killer soundtracks too).
The setting of the DLC is extremely outlandish and hearkens back to how Naples in the original story is for some reason essentially Japan; in this setting, the eponymous 'Village' appears to be set in Transylvania, along with its own Count Dracula parody. Although still with much of the cheesy (and sometimes kind of annoying) humour and dialogue in the original story, I felt it much improved, certainly feeling much less second-hand embarrassment.
All-in-all I would definitely recommend purchasing the Village if you like the Textorcist as a game. It's so cheap and is a nice little string of three bosses to play through, and nicely wraps up the Textorcist as a game in my opinion. It's not groundbreaking in its storytelling or world-building but certainly has ever-crisp and engaging gameplay to hold your attention over a single play-session, expanding handily on the incredible gameplay that the game set upon its release three years ago. It's very much a shame that this game isn't big, because it very much deserves to be. I wish much luck to the developers in getting this game to as big an audience as possible and in any future projects of theirs.

Seriously fun game, one of them incredibly satisfying ones to 100%.

Absolutement Magnifique

Solid Game, lacks decent content for price however.

This game is simply stunning. You honestly would be giving yourself a disfavour for not buying this game. Never before have I seen a game get everything so perfect as this. Buy this game. You won't regret it.

This game is an absolute abomination. I was considering writing a long review for this game, but I honestly can't be bothered. I'll cover some basic points though.

Gameplay
The Gameplay in this game is possibly the only positive / redeeming aspect of this game. A lot of quirky objectives in missions and the fast paced horde gunplay from PAYDAY is certainly embedded here. Mostly, these are enjoyable, and are the only thing that kept me coming back. For 50 hours. Still not sure how I have 50.

Graphics
The Graphics in this game are simply AWFUL. The Diesel engine is terrible, but it's from 2001, so it's excusable. Even PAYDAY 2 has decent graphics, so it surprised me when this game, from 2017, with that sexy, shiny animated trailer had the worst graphics I've seen in recent years. But even at highest settings, the game undoubtedly looks awful.

Running, or how the game runs.
This game runs terrible. Granted, I have an integrated graphics card (I know, I'm sorry), but I can indeed run PAYDAY 2 at 60fps, so this surprised me. Again, I know the Diesel engine is terrible, but it still makes little sense.

Characters and Voice Acting
Of the 4 main characters, I only like one, and that's Sterling. Even so, I still find him largely unbearable to listen to. Overall, I think the quality of Sterling, Rivet, Mrs White and (even so it heavily pains me to say) Kurgan's vocie acting is very good. All other characters seem to be German. I don't know which idiot was made to do the German Voice Acting, but it's completely awful. I was convinced at one point that the Boat Driver was African. I'm serious. That's honestly what it sounds like.

Soundtrack
The Soundtrack is alright, but very generic. It's the kind of music that sounds alright with the first few times you hear it, but gets pretty boring after a while. I can only recommend the track 'Strongpoint', which includes occasional good bits.

Guns
The Guns in this game are stupid choices, few, and mostly unrealistic. For example, the Sten and the MP40 are both held by the magazine in game. This is obviously something very little, but it annoyed me so much to see this stereotype play out. Holding a gun by a magazine is stupid. It's pretty obvious.

John Clesse
The Comedian John Clesse is hilarious. Why, or how he is in this game goes beyond me. His performance is, obviously, very good. For some reason, he is in only 4 cutscenes, 3 of which are about 4 seconds long. Yeah.

Hitler Live Action Scenes
I found these funny at first, but they do get rather repetetive. I'm still not entirely sure why the guy looks so ludicriously unlike Hitler, but I don't think it matters. All I can say is that I'm glad these are skippable.

Progression

Conclusion: I sort of like the game, but am still incredibly dissapointed with it. It is fun at times, but gets boring, and even on launch there was an incredible lack of content. This review is unfinished, but it's currently so late that I can't be bothered to finish it.

Disappointing. Purely f*ucking disappointing.

Holy ♥♥♥♥. I got this for free. This game is amazing.

In my struggles to learn the language of the motherland (Russian), I resorted to this game to learn the names of colours and other various offbeat words.


But instead I just listened to the amazing music

"Run to the exit before the guards notice" Simulator 2017