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Meet The Pyro

["Meet the Pyro" text appears, then is burned away to reveal the feet of the Pyro, Fire Axe in hand, walking over a pair of glasses towards the camera and knocking a few empty bullet cartridges aside. Dreams of Cruelty begins playing.]

[Cut to a small room. The RED Heavy is seen almost completely in silhouette.]

Heavy: "I fear no man. But that... thing... it scares me."

[Cut to a view behind the Pyro's right shoulder. A BLU Engineer shuts a door before a BLU Scout can join him inside. The Scout pulls desperately on the handle. Cut again to the interview room. This time it is the RED Scout in silhouette.]

Scout: "No, I... I ain't, I ain't talking about that freak. All right?"

[Worried, he tries to detach the lavalier microphone from his shirt. He sits upright in his chair, in near panic.]

Scout: "He's not here, is he?"

[Scout continues to tug as he stands and walks toward the camera, knocking it over.]

Scout: "How do I get this f***ing thing off?!"

[Cut to Pyro kicking down the door into the BLU team's room, Flame Thrower ready. Fade back to the interview room, this time with the RED Spy.]

Spy: "One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask..."

[Cut to Pyro firing its Flame Thrower, then to a wider shot, showing an entire wooden town in flames.]

Spy: "... What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?"

[Cut to a front view of the Pyro, zooming rapidly into the blackness of one of their eyepieces. There is the sound of the Pyro's breathing and a single white spot which zooms forward and splits into a binocular view while a distorted baby laughter can be heard. When the spots focus, it shows a psychedelic dreamscape.]

[As Do You Believe In Magic? begins playing, the view from the Pyro's eyes shows colourful hills, lollipops, floating cats and quaint villages. The Pyro's flame thrower appears in their hands as an unusually-shaped brass instrument, spraying a rainbow-coloured mist over ground, causing colourful flowers to spring from the lawn in front of them. The Pyro laughs. Within this dreamscape, BLU characters appear as chubby little cherubs and sound like babies.]

[As a BLU Heavy appears and bounces on the ground, the Pyro grabs a giant lollipop and cheers. The two converge seemingly happily. While the Pyro in the dreamscape shoves the lollipop in the Heavy's mouth, the scene cuts to the battle as the Pyro hits the Heavy with the Fire Axe.]

[A BLU Scout appears, flying around and finally resting on the Pyro's instrument. The Pyro blows bubbles in his face in their vision, but shoots the Scout point blank with the Scorch Shot in the battle, knocking him back.]

[In the dreamscape, a BLU Medic appears out of a box, and the Pyro closes the box on him. In reality, Pyro traps the BLU Medic in a shed by barring the door with their axe.]

Medic: "No!"

[Pyro bathes the shed and the Medic in flames, while in the dreamscape, the Pyro continues to shoot streams of rainbow mist from their weapon. As the Pyro passes, the Balloonicorn appears, and the BLU Engineer and Spy ride it. The BLU cherubs salute and celebrate the Pyro. Cut back to reality.]

Demoman: I'm burning!

[A BLU Soldier is hit by a piece of the destroyed sentry of a BLU Engineer, who is shown flying off into the distance. A Scout flees while a BLU Sniper crashes out of a second-story window to the ground. He crawls over to the ankle of a nearby person. The sound of a Dispenser and then a teleporter being destroyed in the distance is heard.]

Engineer: Dispenser down!

[The BLU Sniper looks up, desperate.]

Sniper: "Help!"

[The ankle belongs to the Pyro, who looks down and shoots their flame thrower. The Sniper can be heard screaming as the view zooms in on the Pyro's mask, flames reflecting off the eyepieces as the Pyro tilts their head.]

[Ending title card appears and accompanying music plays]

[Cut back to the dreamscape, where the Pyro happily walks away into the sunset. The view zooms out and passes through the burnt, gaping hole in the stomach of a BLU Soldier. The view transitions back to reality as the Soldier clutches his smouldering innards for a moment and then falls over with a stifled groan. The Pyro continues to walk away into the sunset, whistling to Do You Believe In Magic? as the town begins to collapse from the inferno, the streets littered with charred BLU corpses. Fade to black.]