“I’m not bad, I’m just racist”

“I crapped in a drawer and blamed it on the autistic kid, and that's how I got him expelled”

“Females are just iron men”

“I saw a horrible rape scene in an anime now I feel bad for all women”

“My socks have holes in them so my swag can breathe”

“In the dark there could be a gay man waiting to skull ♥♥♥♥ my face! That's why I sleep with my head covered!”

“How would you like to go to my apartment and beyond?”

"ІДИ СЮДИ ДІВЧИНКО!!! ПОРА РОЗВАШИТИСЯ!!!!!!" - Most calm Ukrainian scp:sl player

“I’m in a shootout with some owo awahs”

“Everybody’s gangsta until the abortion fights back”

"I spent over $100 on Pixel Gun 3D"

"Why can't I buy a used dildo on Kijiji?"

"The only men I hit are women"

"He looks like a retarded Drake with a bowl cut"

"I took some good pictures of a boner!!!"

"Don't talk about my teen sauce like that!!"

"It's just that everyone else is poorer!! Work smarter not harder!!!"

"YOU GOT A TETRIS SHOT!?!?!?!?!?!"

"Minecraft sex dungeons? We have experience with those!"

"I may be from the North, but I represent the South!!" - CSA's best Canadian double-agent

"Why are people saying stop Asian hate when I barely got started???"

"Hitler was a communist, right?"

"Get graphined buddy"

"Just play with them until they fall off"

"I WASN'T PREPARED FOR BALLS"

"I'm gonna text my 'Girlfriend'"

"It's inside of me"

"GET OUT OF ME"

"You've got me so mad I have a BONER"

"Furry yiff? I want to try that!"

"Australians have like Kangaroo's and stuff, and all we got is like cougars that hang out near bars!"

"Cheat engine isn't working"

"Bouta hit P on a ghost"

"This is how liberty died, Fall Ball"

"Moses died on perfect match"

"I was the fall guy"

"Being straight will only get you so far"

"Did you know I got a 0% in 5th grade art?"

"To infinity and failure"

"DAD IF YOU SEE NAKED FURRIES IT'S JUST A GAME!!!!!!"

"I was listening to Spotify in the shower and I heard Micheal Jordan ask: 'Wanna know what makes me thirsty?'"

"This loser cheats at goldfish" (He tried to say 'go-fish')

"My account got logged into???"

"I GOT HACKED!!!!!!!"

"Whats wrong with playing destiny?"

"I like how you had to specify your seeing a woman that's your age."

"Yeah, because at least alcoholics only hurt the people around them."

"If you ♥♥♥♥ a jar of ashes is it still necrophilia??"

"4rd grade was hard for me, okay?!"

"When I drop my pencil start shooting."

"He must be a massive pu$$y to attract so many guys."

"Saying 'hi' or 'hello' is completely inappropriate sexual conduct that can impregnate people if said without protection." (-_-)

"Why are you doing port strike in Czechoslovakia? Just curious."

"Oh because you know, you being Austria-Hungary and all, being landlocked, doing port strike in a place that doesn't have any ports...."

"Y'all ever just have all your appendages to flex on the disabled?"

“I’ll literally DDOS you in real life.”

"The corpse in my attic is no longer there..."

"THE CORPSE IN MY ATTIC IS MISSING."

"Don't commit suicide, that ♥♥♥♥ kills you."

"Wow dude!! Twelve thousand hours on Garry's mod?! My panties are soaked!!!"

“There’s no way they’re gonna invade, the Russians aren’t that stupid.” :|

“I feel like this is a psyop.”

"CSIS is in my mind, my computer, and my house putting all this fake news in my eyes."

"Canadian MK Ultra over here."

“Nah bro this is when Ukraine spawns 40 heavy tank divisions and encircles the entire Russian army just you wait.”

"My paratroopers are stuck in the ocean? How??"

"Yoo it's the VDV!!!!!"

"Wtf you mean too soon?! It's not my fault those ruskies are so laughably retarded!!"

“I’m literally the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ghost of Kyiv out here, if he was Romanian I mean!!”

“The Ghost of Budape- I mean, Bucharest?”

"Let's join a russian server an pretend to be gay."

"I may or may not have just given a 6 year old russian kid an M60, oh, he's already shooting everyone."

"♥♥♥♥ you Ivan, I hope you get drafted."

"It only took 5 minutes, but yeah we're banned from russian gmod."

"I have a better wife now, she's twelve."

"Do you want me to marry some kids?"

"Just lemme start a quick murder scheme on my wife here..."

"And now my heir, just because I don't like his hair..."

"He's playing house party lmao."

"Dudes probably striking out with women in the game just like IRL."

"He went to go see the genshin impact movie, where they learn what the age of consent is!"

"90% of pets are ♥♥♥♥ teases!!"

"Even a parrot bro can be a ♥♥♥♥ tease!"

"The engine's run off of Mug Brand Root Beer."

"stfu ♥♥♥♥♥ you nasty looking pig take ur bob the builder ass giraffe built hoe bald headed ♥♥♥♥♥ looking like u belong on my 600 pound life take a cough drop ponytail ass hoe and you built like my grandmas bunions big fat hippo ass ♥♥♥♥♥ you hoe fat ass gorilla looking like edna gap having ass ♥♥♥♥♥ you the fatass girl from dumplin looking like shreks green booger ass hoe looking like penny wise with yo big ass forehead not even ♥♥♥♥♥ you got a five head built like ursula"

"Boutta light this hospital up like a Russian pilot rn you just wait."

"Oh Lord almighty, please, lend me your powers to give me strength to set this bathroom ablaze because my mom took my vape, amen."

"I swear to god I'm not gay!! My husband is!!!"

"I sanded down my car tires for the aesthetics uwu"

"♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ you sank faster than the Moskva."

"At least I'm not losing to Europe's poorest country, just South America's poorest."

"Well ♥♥♥♥, I guess the anarchist's won, council republic? Hellll yeaaa!!"

"Workers of Peru unite!"

"All the rich people are now starving, is there an option just to massacre them?"

"It's to a point where the slaves in your country are per capita richer than my upper class."

"And they are not very happy, strange."

"What are my specs? Uh, I think I have a rice-end cpu, but that's all I got."

"Eight cores? Is that like the pc version of a V8?"

"I stole that drunk Finn's money, and he hung himself."

"IN A VIDEO GAME ITS A VIDEO GAME!!!!"

"So they went to New Vegas for her birthday?"

"Huh?? Isn't that what that the name of the city is??"

"He's like a Quebecois aqua-man essentially."

"Growing up is realising a pick-up truck is just a less-useful van with a child-eviscerating front end/"

"I actually went around calling it New Vegas when I was there, that's how brain rotted I am."

"Ask your doctor if Fallout is right for you."

"Ah yes, the New Vegas grand prix, my favourite race of the season."

"Being Bisexual is advantageous because I can do +10% damage to both genders."

"Left-handed IS a disability!! You can claim that!!"

"Ross Kemp here, currently under fire in Afghanis-"

"No! Ross Kemp is dead!!"

“I didn’t know what to wear to the premature-ejaculator’s party, so I just came in my jeans.”

“I cast, Mulch!!”

“I’m going to shrub your bed!!”