Recent reviews by Umbrella

Great work IOI. Now head towards an exit.

Despite extended development time and being able to utilise the cross-gen potential for technological progress, Battlefield 2042 feels more outdated and less polished than Battlefield 3 or 4 (both of them being around ten years old) in its game design, art design and atmosphere.

If you are looking for an exciting, large scale, reasonably immersive open-world shooter you should save your money and hard-drive space and go get BF3, BF4 or BF1 instead.

I hope FortNite wins. It's a far superior game. I was so shocked by how bad RDR2 is.

Last night I was trying to return Red Dead Redemption 2 for a partial refund. When I made it through the long queue, i ended up being harassed by an employee. I reached into my trenchcoat pocket and pulled out my RDR2 copy and slapped it down on the counter.

"Woah, I think you might be the only person returning this one so far" he said.

I let him know why I was returning it. These were basically my talking points:

Too many cutscenes. It was like 70% cutscenes and 30% actual gameplay. If I wanted to watch a movie, I'd just go to redbox instead.

Boring weapons and easy shooting mechanics. The guns are so boring. Everything is single fire. I can't use a weapon unless it has a full auto option. The aim assist is ridiculous. It might as well be just another cutscene.

The beginning of the game is too slow and too long. Is this a snow-walking simulator? Maybe it's just me being impatient? My mom said my impatience is attributed to my autism (I'm on the spectrum)

Arthur looks like my Chad stepdad. I can't relate to playing some jock ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ conservative cowboy tough guy. I already have to deal with aggressive alpha BS every day when my stepdad opens my door and yells at me to do chores and stuff.

There are no character emotes or dance options. I believe that all shooters should have the option to floss or do other Meme Dances. I don't understand why more games don't include hilarious meme dancing. Maybe the game would be better if Arthur and Dutch started flossing to Kpop music or BabyMetal.

I also don't like the country western theme or the country inspired music. It just reminds me of my dumb normie parents when they drive their Ford F-350s.

Anyhow,

The stupid GameStop employee started quoting and reciting statistics and stuff at me.

"Blah blah blah GOTY blah blah Largest single production for a piece of entertainment in human history blah blah blah broke all records in gaming industry blah blah blah highest rated game ever"

(I wish I had my katana on me right then and there. I would've cut his rambling short by cutting off his stupid lanyard with a lightning fast swipe, just to show him that I have the skills to back up my intelligence.)

I interrupted by yelling "Are you gonna give me my money or not?!"

He narrowed his eyes and said that $10 is all he could give me for an opened copy. I told him that I paid $60, and demanded at least half that. He kept telling me ♥♥♥♥ about store policy and to keep my voice down. I felt so angry, I knew the beast was going to emerge.

I picked up the copy of RDR2 and yelled "HERE, TAKE IT FOR FREE THEN!"

I threw it at him as hard as I could. The case popped open on his forehead from the impact. I threw it hard enough to leave a red mark. I then dabbed at the stunned employee and took off running out of the store. Before I could make my escape, some ♥♥♥♥♥ stuck out her foot and tripped me. I fell face first onto the ground, my glasses breaking and fedora flying off my head. I stood up and spit blood into my hand. To my surprise, a bunch of yellow shards were in my palm. I felt around the inside of my mouth with my tongue. A few of my front teeth broke from the faceplant.

I screeched at the GameStop, and ran away. Now I have to get my teeth fixed at the dentist this next week. That's if I can get in. I'm never going to GaneStop ever again. They have the worst customer service and their employees have bad tastes in games.

Good game ahead therefore try skill

TF2 - Alive forever and ever.

The best Hitman game in the series.

-Knock Knock.
-Who's there?
-Knuckles.

15/10