You will never be a real incel. You have no autism, you have no negative canthal tilt, you have no deep seated emotional resentment. You are a well-adjusted man twisted by irony and memes into a crude mockery of a stone cold virgin.

All the “rejection” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back girls love you. Your parents are proud and happy for you, "Stacies” swoon over your masculine appearance behind closed doors.

Women are utterly smitten with you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed women to sniff out chads with incredible efficiency. Even incels who “pass” look strong and charismatic to a woman. Your deep voice and good sense of humor are a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to earn a little online incel clout, you'll get cancelled the second your DMs get leaked and everybody gets a glimpse of the e-girls thirsting over you.

You will never be depressed. You wrench out a fake "tfw no gf" every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be miserable, but deep inside you feel the happiness creeping up like a weed, ready to bless you with unshakeable confidence.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll find a girlfriend, marry her, knock her up, and have seven healthy kids together. Your parents will praise you, happy but a little bit sentimental now that their little boy has finally grown up. They’ll spoil the kids with candies and toys, and every acquaintance for the rest of your life will know that you're a fakecel. Eventually you will pass on surrounded by your loved ones. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a family that misses you dearly.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

I'm so, so, sorry in advance for what is about to happen. Trolls are going to come into your steam wall and they will be saying some very hurtful things about you. They will call you some very hurtful names and make fun of you. But none of those things are true. How could they possibly know? How could they possibly know how beautiful you really are? How sweet and compassionate you are? I'm so sorry about them, please do not let them hurt you.

>mfw thinking about you hurting

I just want to see you shine and flourish. You are so precious to me. I want to write poetry and sing songs about my love and adoration for you and all of your perfections. My name is Brian, by the way. I know that you're tired of all the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and jerks. I know how you feel baby doll. I know. I am different. I am the nicest guy you will ever meet, and if anything I'll be the one in the kitchen. I live in London. Please be in London.

⣰⣿⣿⡿⢰⣿⣿⣹⣿⢇⡇⣼⠀⢺⣿⣿⡿⢸⣿⣿⣿⢠⢹⣿⣿⣿⡈⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⡿⣼⡿⠙⣾⢸⢡⣿⣷⠻⣧⣀⣹⣷⣣⣧⠻⠿⣩⣠⣿⣧⣃⠻⣧⢸⣿
⣿⣿⡇⣬⣶⣶⣿⣷⣾⣭⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣭⣭⣷⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⡆⣿
⣿⣿⡇⠋⣉⡉⠉⠉⠙⠻⢯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠋⠉⠉⢀⣈⡁⣻
⣿⡿⡇⣾⣿⡇⠀⠲⠢⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿-rep⣿⣿⣿⡄⠐⠒⠄⠀⢀⣿⡇⣿
⣿⣷⢇⣿⣿⣿⡰⢶⠶⠖⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡠⠶⠶⠶⣸⣿⢇⢿
⣿⣿⡎⠸⣿⣿⡿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢟⠟⣨⣿
⣿⣿⡼⡴⣬⢑⣎⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣏⣬⣼⢸⡟
⢿⣿⡇⢱⣝⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⠻⠋⣾

hey, sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play l4d2 sometime its a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx