Recent reviews by Spatula

Crashes a lot. Also, is kind of boring.

As the Emperor protects, so must we.

It's good.

The art style really carries this game. I had a decent time playing through the first two areas but the games short coming are clear by the third. There are enemies that change their trajectory last second even though their direction indicator points in a different direction. The hammer doesn't have a heavy attack which means that strong enemies with a shield can end your run. Most of the spells really arent worth using, especially the ones that you have to aim because the aim mechanic is not great. A lot of the tarot cards are pretty much useless. Item variety is poor. Hitboxes are confusing. The game seems to ramp difficulty with adds and giving you less oppurtunities to attack without the risk of being hit, i feel like this just sort of results in unessessarily long fights, especially boss fights. I am sort of neutral on this one, get it on sale.

I am bad. Game is good. Recipe for weenur food.

Bull Penis Chilaquiles (a.k.a. Penisquiles)
Ingredients
Bull penises, about 1 pound
8 medium tomatillos (about 1 1/2 pounds total weight), husked and rinsed
1 serrano or 2 jalapeño peppers, stemmed, seeded, and diced
1 cup kumquats, seeded, sliced into rounds
1/2 white onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
Cilantro, thyme, and oregano to taste
Salt to taste
2 eggs
1 cup chicken stock
Tortilla chips (I use Siete grain-free chips)
Egg tofu
Garlic chives

Directions
Cut open the penises lengthwise, remove and discard the urethra and trim any excess skin, rinse thoroughly.

Add the penises, salt, vegetables and fruit, and 1/4 cup water to the Instant Pot and pressure cook on high for 30 minutes. Perform a manual release and pour out excess liquid. Add cilantro, thyme, oregano and saute until the mixture is slightly thickened.

Beat two eggs, stir in to the penises and sauce. Add as many chips as you'd like along with chicken stock. Saute until the chips are softened.

Scoop the chips, vegetables, fruit, and penises, into a bowl. Top with sliced egg tofu and flowering chives.

It's a goodish ARPG, still in early access. Character and monster models are a little blocky. A good amount of spell effects are pretty bad. Sound effects are flat and boring. This skill trees are fun to play around with though. Wait on this one until it leaves EA.

Not a fan of the controls. There also weren't any mouth movements with the dialogue i saw. Refunded. Too janky.

I killed like 40 people with 3 cans of expired spaghetti sauce. Yes/10.

Edit: They ate the spaghetti sauce, but not literally.

After multiple attempts, over many years, I have finally beaten the game and can say, with confidence, that this game sucks.

Hey kid, get up kid, the kid, THE KID, KID, kid kid kid, KiD, kID, KIIIIIIIIIID, KID KID KID KID KID, KEEEEEEEEEEEED.