Bowman's guide to avoiding War Thunder drama

how to not play war thunder

martin luther's king jr's 7 thesises for not starting war thunder drama

1. start by screeching at the top of your lungs that top tier is broke and whine in chat that everybody is using hacks.

2. call everybody a friggin dirt cheap headass that doesn't know how to play when you're at *looks at notes* 69 points, and 0 kills.

3. start beef with random war thunder youtubers everytime you see one in game

4. use htstv-l, refer to last statement

5. participate in the annual gaijin event, called "what did this partner do this time?" Featuring guests like TEC, and more.

6. run a underground legal business that farms squadron vehicles to sell on playerup(dot)com

7. make the male fruit out of sand using dirt
A. Scrap that, make a statue of bowman out of dirt, that way people wouldn't know the difference

how to become gaijin partner 101

step 1, the most important step.
have facts to back up your claims in your videos.


that's why I have a 60 year out of date book on IS heavy tanks alongside classified documents to backup my claims. Every user knows you MUST have classified documents in order to prove a point.

Step 2:

Whine about how gaijin should do this and don't take into account anything except what YOU yourself, base your channel around tanks and planes and only that, and watch the views come in until people get bored AF.

Step 3:

get mad and leak the classified documents to your discord server.
this is a must have. everybody must know about chobahm armor and how the T-62 is immune to radiation.

how to react to criticism

Everybody knows criticism or feedback is not needed, as you already have enough views and money (if followed previous steps) to do whatever you want.

so, what to do with criticism or what we like to call those "pesky" harassers.

friggin eliminate them.

destroy them. slander them. whatever to keep your name out of the dirt. Say you take criticism over some random thing nobody gives anything about, and absolutely bash them until you feel you've satisfied your job as a gaijin partner.

then get your paycheck.

remember it's survival of the fittest being a gaijin partner. step over EVERYBODY!

How to respond with an apology if you get caught in step 3

Yes, critciism is horrid. But what about those people who caught you doing something you shouldn't?
That could be:
A. (This sentence was removed for violating Steam TOS)
B. Getting money from Russia.

Well, obviously you still want to get a paycheck from Gaijin, right?

So, what DO YOU DO?
make an apology.

NEVER SHOULD YOU EVER ADMIT your mistake.

You need to actively friggin' try to scratch the coffin and say how this person has this done this things and I was abused by my parents who took me out to taco bell each night. That way daddy gaijin will give you your cut of the money that you owe to the IRS that you forgot about for the 15th time in 11 months

Here's an example:

"Hi (User). I deeply apologize for the distress I caused to (insert individual here). It was wrong of me to (Action 1, Action 2, Action 3, etc.) and I want to say I am sorry for doing such things. I'll be in touch and I wish to get back on track and I will not repeat this mistake."

Now, this is a ge- wait that's too honest.

Here's one that is bettter.

"HI EVERYBODY! (Gaijin Partner) here! I am soooo sorry for doing this. I am horrified with my actions and I just want to say I wouldn't of done it if they didn't do this alongside this alongside that, but either way sorry. BYYYEEE (outro plays)"

Now that's better.

The final solution

blame the wehreboos. if you're content doesn't work out, you need a scapegoat to get people hooked.

keemstar started drama with Toby and pyrocynical to avoid himself saying a bad word

pewdiepie scape- wait, he was actually pretty honest, nvm.

johntron said f itand avoided it, blaming himself and not changing (I guess I dunno correct me)

Now, as a gaijin partner, it is YOUR job to blame the wehreboos everytime something ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ happens.

EVERYTIME.
no exceptions

serious disclaimer

I got bored so I wrote this up, based on experiences, but not solely my own. Everybody changes, in good or bad ways. This guide was made by somebody who has made mistakes listed in here, but I felt as if making a farce and publishing it would hopefully deter others from making the same mistakes, so we can all live happier, better, and freer in a world with so much ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ twitter cancellation.
Here's one example that was more mediocre, I got flags confused, and accidentally commissioned the Nazbol flag instead of a regular Bolshevik flag because I wasn't paying attention to detail and didn't know the difference. Even worse I had it set to auto tweet a PROMOTIONAL tweet that I payed for before I learned what TF nazbol was. I was doing the bolshevik flag as sort of a funny jab but it didn't work out at all.

I was very much in tears from laughter and embarrasment, but I didn't chargeback and I took the hit.

Now I know to not get flags confused. At all cost.Especially red ones.

However, there's mistakes, and then there's miss-takes, as I like to call them. Don't apologize for everything you've done wrong, especially to people who aren't there to listen. I learned that the hard way to as another one.

I chose the banner because I didn't know what to put and I needed clickbait so people could learn ya know?

right?


huh. weird.

[Matura93]

11/10. SOmeone will hate me for reading that