We’ve all been there. The other team sends their Doom mid and you have that foolish sense of confidence that your TA/DP/QoP will hand you his purple butt on a platter. ‘First blood!’ rings out over the battlefield and your blurry eyes focus in on the leering pixelated Doom face hovering at the top of the screen – this will not be a pleasant game. In two swishes of your Vanguard Riki’s tail, 3200 health points of raw, fiery destruction is kicking down your front door. You gather the hysteric scraps that were once your team, trying to assure them that you can ‘turtle it out’, but you know as well as they do that you’ll all be receiving a personal Hand of Midas prostate exam before the game is over.
But as your skull pancakes against Doom’s massive fist for the umpteenth time, something arises deep within you. Feelings of admiration, respect, perhaps a childish sense of wonder, and, wait, what’s this?
Could it be…Love?
Embrace your insane and probably detrimental new attractions with your very own Doom Body Pillow. Impress your friends and family by displaying the grisly conclusion to your year-long downward spiral of depravity, but make sure you cut the phone lines first!
See you in the Seven Hells!