Make Pyro Human Again #MPHA - Cosmetics

Regardless of Pyro's irrelevant gender identity, s/he doesn't want to be called "that thing" "that freak" or "inhuman." Make your pyro look human again with ideas from this guide!

Introduction

We love our pyro friend, but sometimes he just feels...off. If we can make him look a litle more like the rest of the team, it might feel a little more natural.

I'm hoping this guide will inspire you to humanize your pyro and maybe this guide will inspire 3d artists to make even more humanizing pyro cosmetics.

Note: this guide only considers all-season cosmetics. Nobody wants to look human only on Halloween!

No, this guide won't show you how to make the "Trump Pyro" in the thumbnail, because you can't. That thumbnail uses 6 cosmetics, one of which is for heavy only.

Heads and Skin

As of January 2018 I know of only two cosmetics that can create a believably human head on the pyro, the Winter Wonderland Wrap (without stripes) and the Cute Suit. Both remove the pesky breathing mask and provide paintable skin. Painted an appropriate flesh color, they can work as a base for a human look.

Flesh color paints depend on what skin you're looking for, but the most human looking ones are Dark Salmon Injustice, Radigan Conagher Brown, or Muskelmannbraun.

winter wonderland wrap (with Sight for Sore Eyes)

The Winter Wonderland Wrap has ski goggles that are a somewhat natural covering of the eyes and they suggest ears or covered ears, but it has no nose or mouth, nor hair. Technically it has a nose "bump" but it is very subtle. It also has a cloth fold at the neck that could be thought of as a mouth, but really it just makes pyro look kind of fat. It also has the minor issue of pull strings emerging from the neck.

cute suit (with Sight for Sore Eyes)

The Cute Suit covers the mouth and nose area with clothing, but it has pyro's goggles instead of eyes, and it has no ears or hair. It is a little over shiny for skin as well.

One more possibility...

Scream Fortress 2018 added The Arachno-Arsonist. It is not an obvious choice for a human pyro, but it can be painted, and when covered with the Marxman it makes a...terrifying...human-ish look.

Head Rejects

In case you think I missed something...

These can be painted to create a bald head, but they leave a pyro mask face:

breather bag
polar pullover

These can be painted but the shape is too inhuman

executioner
blizzard breather
foster's facade
mair mask

These can be painted but leave a giant glass plate where the face should be

hazmat headcast (2 styles)
airtight arsonist

These can be painted but are inhumanly transparent

filimental
apparition's aspect

This one can be painted as a robotic variation, but certainly not human

rusty reaper

Faces

Now that you have a head, you have to face a new problem. Humans usually have eyes, a nose, a mouth, ears, and sometimes even hair!

One option for eyes is the various glasses cosmetics, but most of these, true to the pyro, do not sit straight on the pyro's face, and some, like Pyrovision and Deus Specs, are not glasses on the pyro, but simply goggle lense replacements. Others, like the Tomb Readers, Reader's Choice, and the glasses of Vive La France sit low on the face, not covering the goggles. To look human, the glasses must sit straight like the Professor Speks[loadout.tf].



Another choice is to get actual eyes.

The Sight for Sore Eyes is exactly that, with two drawbacks - the size of the eyes are a little cartoonish, and sometimes they simply do not render (as if they weren't equipped).

The Special Eyes give you two looks that suggest eyes rather than lenses, although they are not particularly natural looking. They are paintable, and An Extraordinary Abundance of Tinge is a somewhat natural effect except without pupils.

Scream Fortress XI 2019 update: BINOCULUS! provides (with paintable skin (or iris)) actual eyes with eyelids!
Other cosmetics provide glasses along with a solution to the hat/hair problem.

Vive La France[loadout.tf], although mentioned above to have glasses that are too low, also provides a hat and a mustache.

That '70s Chapeau provides glasses with the hat. Note that sometimes the colored lenses don't render much like the Sight for Sore Eyes.


Eye-Catcher[loadout.tf] is a human-like eye patch, but it only covers the one eye and is incompatible with most eye cosmetics, leaving the other eye looking unnatural. Special Eyes is compatible with it, so it isn't a complete failure.



Ears can be addressed with the Tough Stuff Muffs[loadout.tf], a hat that covers the would-be ears nicely. The winter theme works well with the W.W.W.'s goggles and a moustache like Mustachioed Mann.


It also works well[loadout.tf] with the Cute Suit and Sight for Sore Eyes.

Another way to suggest ears is with Ear Buds.

The most face available in a single cosmetic for the pyro is the Marxman[loadout.tf] which is a bundle that suggests eyes with its eyebrows and glasses, the glasses also suggest ears, it has an actual nose, and it has a mustache to suggest a mouth below it.

Summer 2019 update: the Stapler's Specs are another glasses/mustache combination, however the glasses do not sit straight on the pyro's face again even though the paintable mustache looks great.

Rejects

At first glance, Nose Candy (Happy) would be a nice option to add a nose, but that cosmetic is incompatible with the head cosmetics.

Spooktacles seems like a nice option and can be painted, but it looks like a skull no matter how you paint it, not exactly human.

D-eye-monds is another option for eyes, but is even less human than the default goggles.

Hair

If you don't just want to wear a hat or sport a bald head, you have a few options here, too.

There are only a few real hair cosmetics for the Pyro:


Brütal Bouffant - long thick hair
Merc's Mohawk - not a full head of hair.
There are two other "strap on" Japanese hair cosmetics, but they are not paintable:

Benefactor's Kanmuri
Magnanimous Monarch
There are so few options that there are only two more available during Halloween:
Crispy Golden Locks - Goldilocks hair with a bow
Bozo's Bouffant - clown hair with nose both of which use the paint color

If only poor pyro could have a simple short haircut.
...the Summer 2020 Cosmetic Case provided one! In fact it included two new hair styles for pyro: Fire Fighter (full spikey hair with a headband), and Flamehawk, a punkier mohawk just for the pyro.

There are a few other options that simulate hair:
Pampered Pyro - a towel, that painted looks like a weird hairdo.

Respectless Robo-Glove - painted flesh-tone uses that on the base, leaving a sort of robot dredlocks.




Crown of the Old Kingdom - looks like long hair when painted A Distinctive Lack of Hue or After Eight or even Radigan Conagher Brown.

DethKapp is an option for wild medium length hair, but it has a hat attached creating a specific look.


Facial hair works well to suggest a nose and mouth. They don't work so well with the Cute Suit since the hair comes through the suit.
Mustachioed Mann - a long curled up mustache or a small downturned thin mustache

Dictator - a small thick mustache

Captain Cardbeard Cutthroat - a full beard and mustache, but they still look like cardboard along with the pirate hat. It does cover enough that it works OK with the Cute Suit

There is also the Whiskered Gentleman, but it is designed to attach to the pyro's face mask - with a human face, most of it floats in mid air.

New Cosmetics and Screenshots

I've created a collection of cosmetics that might work well for a human pyro if they are added.
Vote on the ones you would like added!
http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1283332514


Tag screenshots of your human with #MPHA in the caption and they'll show up for readers of this guide in this search:
http://steamcommunity.com/app/440/screenshots/?searchText=%23MPHA&browsefilter=mostrecent&filterLanguage=default&p=1

A few seen in the wild:

My Humans

Here are the human pyros I personally have been playing.

https://steamcommunity.com/id/rotatcepS/inventory/#440_2_7886605214All of them use the Winter Wonderland Wrap painted Dark Salmon Injustice.

My original first try, and still a favorite, to make pyro human again: Sight for Sore Eyes and the Dictator[loadout.tf]. If SfSE rendered more consistently, I'd use this more. It would also help if this didn't get called a "painis pyro" every other game.

Originally posted by Freakfest Tony:

Freakfest Tony : spec i hate your penis pyro
rotatcepS ᵗᶦᵉʳ6 : not penis...is hooman skin I iz not monzter I iz hooman pyro
Freakfest Tony : penis has human skin too

Originally posted by What the ♥♥♥♥ did you even.:

WHY THAT PYRO
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HAVE
A DIFFERENT CLASS HEAD

Originally posted by Bigblock:

is that a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pyro wearing the level 3 chin

Marx Pyro Human Again

With the Marxman, I use only two slots for a human head which leaves me free to choose another cosmetic to make pyro a fashionable human[loadout.tf], or at least a hat-wearing human[loadout.tf].

Originally posted by Stormagedon:

Stormagedon : rotatceps, I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ love your cosmetics lol

Originally posted by go commit die:

*DEAD* go commit die : LMFAO
go commit die : THAT HAT COMBO

Originally posted by crosszy:

crosszy : THE ♥♥♥♥.
rotatcepS =(iD)= : ;]
crosszy : Looking like.
crosszy : Chikachu.

Originally posted by connie kins:

Eww! What is that?!

Originally posted by larry:

"never seen a better pyro loadout"

That '70s Chap

The Dictator and That '70s Chapeau for a hip human[loadout.tf].

Jason Voorhees

https://steamcommunity.com/id/rotatcepS/inventory/#440_2_6555388028He was human, right?[loadout.tf] The W.W.W. really gives realism to the back of the head when wearing the Face of Mercy, and the Horrific Headsplitter drives home the theme.
Plus, only human skin would bleed like that, don't you think?

Oddly enough, neither of those are halloween restricted!

Originally posted by DerpyFurret:

DerpyFurret : woah
DerpyFurret : ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
DerpyFurret : nice set

Originally posted by MS Comic Sans Bold:

MS Comic Sans Bold : ur scary
MS Comic Sans Bold : ><
rotatcepS =(iD)= : it's just the mask ;]
MS Comic Sans Bold : nooo
MS Comic Sans Bold : :c
MS Comic Sans Bold : ur scary

Originally posted by SeanAugh:

*DEAD* [xG]SeanAugh#RemoveRandomCrits : your pyro looks like dead foreskin
rotatcepS =(iD)= : dead foreskin of Jason Vorhees
[xG]SeanAugh#RemoveRandomCrits : it looks good ngl

(not sure if this was sarcastic)

Originally posted by The Last Samurai:

The Last Samurai : that jason pyro is so cool

Give me a thumbs up if you liked this, and comment your ideas below!

Let's make a new race of human Pyros on the battlefield!