I think my cat is sexually harassing me

I don't know why but my cat (m33, in cat years) is always bitting my body. It doesn't make sense, specially for an orange cat but he brushes his head on my face and neck. He doesn't even have balls but still, when he sees me, he always meows like a slut (?) and brushes himself on my legs. When I'm laying down, he goes to me, lays near me just to bite my thighs like a pervert old man... Maybe he has some pervert soul inside him... I mean, I don't judge him since my thighs are very thick. The mf will bite them like it's some chicken menu and I scream, having to push my thighs away from him. I think he does it on purpose.

Why aren't any of the spells in the Bible working?
No matter how many times I try, I can never get them to work! ☹️

I tried that one about the wine and the water on my baby daughter's bottle, and nothing! 😭

I promised 12 local amputees in my neighborhood I could heal them, and when I tried it didn't work either! 😰

Then they started slowly hobbling down the street after me with their old service weapons, so I said "Thou shall not kill" and they still managed to slice off my limbs and connect them to themselves! 😡

Now I'm limbless and without the money I scammed them for, because I paid it all to the church to see if I could renew my Holy spell subscription.

Any advice to get it to work? I keep trying to ring up God on the ol' prayer network but he keeps calling me a doofus 🙄

Congratulations! You won a $10 e-gift card to Rizz Café!!! This gift card is only redeemable if the recipient agrees to have their rights abdicated and their limbs sold for profit, which shall be transferred directly to the proprietors of Rizz Café, LLC. Rizz Café is a subsidary of Skibidi Gyatt Companies Inc. and is not a physical location but rather a business franchise front under Mewing-Streak Industries, a not-for-profit company conglomerate which specializes in the sale, trade, and purchase of physical human organs or, if extremities (i.e. hands, feet), photographic xeroxes of such for profit. All recipients of electronic gift certificates have been selected due to location in tandem with physically appealing feet or hands. text "STOP DADDY" to this number.

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Okay guys, I'm done.

I'd rate the heating pad a 10/10. It had some nice vibration on it but left a mean burn on my testicles. They sitting in a bowl of butter rn. Orgasm was explosive. Thanks if you've made it this far.

i wish block buster was still around so i could ask the man behind the counter which Pinocchio movie will upset my children the Least amount

Like most people, I always believed imperialism was an inherent evil. I understood why the powers of the time thought it was okay due to the times, but I believed it was abhorrent on moral grounds and was inefficient practically. Why spend resources subduing and exploiting a populace when you could uplift them and have them develop the resources themselves? Sure you lose out in the short term but long term the gains are much larger.

As my market dies from lack of raw materials, as my worthless, uncivilized 'allies' develop their industries, further cluttering an already backlogged industrial base, I understand. You don't ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ need those tool factories Ecuador, you don't need steel mills Indonesia. I don't care if your children are eating dirt 3 meals a day. Build ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ plantations and mines. Only direct control can bring prosperity. I will sacrifice the many for the good of the few.

My morality is dead. Hail empire. Thank you Victoria, thank you for freeing me.