[SpongeBob and Patrick are running down the block jumping up and down, disfiguring themselves in the process]
SpongeBob: [hyperactive, in time with Patrick] Alright, we're gonna go to Sandy's house! Yeah! Ha-ha! Keep the tree warm, Sandy, we're on our way to your house! Ha-ha-ha...
Patrick: [hyperactive, in time with SpongeBob] Yay! Yay! Ha-ha! I'm gonna beat you there! I'm gonna... ah, it's gonna be fun! Ah-ha...
[They freeze in mid-run when they see Sandy's treedome is enclosed with metal walls. The two walk up to the door, which has a "Keep Out" sign on it]
SpongeBob: Sandy? [they enter] Hey, Sandy, what's with the sign?
[the two walk up to a TV which shows Sandy in a pink nightgown eating acorns]
Patrick: Look, she's on the Eating Channel.
Sandy: [On TV. Sandy fills her cheeks with acorns and swallows, wincing in pain as the giant mass of acorns passes down her long, thin neck and into her small torso, deforming it as it goes] Howdy! [eats more nuts] If y'all are watching this, that means I'm asleep for the winter. This sleep is called hibernation. ["HIBERNATION" appears on the bottom of the screen. Sandy eats more nuts] During hibernation, animals don't like to be woken up. So do not disturb. [sternly] That means you, SpongeBob.
[Patrick turns the TV off and puts on SpongeBob's water helmet and his own]
Patrick: We better put these on.
SpongeBob: Never mind, Pat. Sandy said not to come in. Let's am-scray.
[Patrick pushes the button, letting all the water drain out of the front foyer]
Patrick: When are you gonna learn, SpongeBob? "No" means "yes"!
SpongeBob: Patrick, listen, how many times do we have to-?
Patrick: SpongeBob, look at this! [snow falls in and covers the bottom of the treedome. SpongeBob gasps and walks in]
SpongeBob: What is this stuff? [pan around the treedome]
Patrick: It's a vast, swirling wonderland of sparkling white pleasure. Let it fill your senses with cascading, fluffy pillows of excitement and comfort as you've never felt before.
SpongeBob: [teary-eyed] Wow, Patrick, that was beautiful.
Patrick: What, I was just reading this candy bar wrapper, see? [he hands SpongeBob the wrapper. SpongeBob gasps]
SpongeBob: Patrick! Put your helmet back on! [Patrick has taken his helmet off and is eating the snowflakes] You know there's no water in Sandy's house!
Patrick: It's okay, SpongeBob. This stuff is water! Look! [Patrick lets a flake land on his tongue and it melts into water]
SpongeBob: I guess you're right. It's okay here!
Patrick: Take it off. No one's looking. [SpongeBob does so and the two cheer and burrow themselves in the snow. They pop back up with noses made of snow. Then, they hear a weird sound] SpongeBob, did you hear that?
SpongeBob: I think it came from Sandy's tree.
Patrick: That is one tired tree.
SpongeBob: Let's check it out. [cut to inside Sandy's tree where SpongeBob and Patrick come in. They both gasp] Look what's in Sandy's bed! [they walk over to the bed, where Sandy is asleep in hibernation form, looking like some weird squirrel-like monster]
Patrick: Looks like an over-inflated Sandy doll!
SpongeBob: I think this thing is Sandy.
Patrick: Hibernation must mean the opposite of beauty sleep.
Sandy: [snoring, talking in sleep] I've had enough of your dastardly deeds, Dirty Dan. I'm gonna get you and your partner, Pinhead Larry or my name ain't Sheriff... Sandy... [snores]
SpongeBob: [giggles] She must be dreaming about Texas outlaws. [the two giggle] Look out, Sandy, I'm Dirty Dan.
Sandy: I'm gonna catch you and throw you in jail at taxpayers' expense.
SpongeBob: Oh, you better run faster, Sandy.
Patrick: Yeah! I'm getting away! Faster! [Sandy moves her arms and legs]
SpongeBob: Hurry, we're getting in a taxi!
Patrick: Faster, faster! [the two giggle]
Sandy: I'll get you two. You're nothing but pure evil! Just like newspaper comics... [snores off to sleep, the two giggle again]
SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick. We shouldn't disturb her anymore.
Patrick: That's not disturbing. This is disturbing! [Patrick struggles to create a talking face that protrudes from his back] Hi there, SpongeBob. My name is Patback.
SpongeBob: Ha! That is really disturbing!
[the two laugh uncontrollably. Cut to Sandy, her eye shoots open. A giant shadow looms over SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick stops laughing while SpongeBob continues to laugh]
Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: [stops laughing] Huh?
[Sandy is really mad now, she's steaming and roaring. SpongeBob and Patrick run, but Sandy has them both by the their pants and gives them an extreme wedgie. They run in mid-air anyway.]
Patrick: Faster, SpongeBob! She's gaining on us!
SpongeBob: [Crying from the pain of the wedgie.] Sandy! No! Stop!
Sandy: I warned ya, Dirty Dan! Now, you've just crossed the border into Hurtville!
SpongeBob: Sandy, it's us, your friends! SpongeBob and Patrick!
Patrick: Please, Sandy, I can't afford dry cleaning!
Sandy: Gonna skin y'all and make a pair of size six...boots... [she falls asleep and drops the two. They inch away and see Sandy fall back into her bed]
Patrick: Fun's over.
SpongeBob: Whew, we sure don't want to wake her up again. Too bad we don't have any earplugs to put on her.
Patrick: Yeah, all's I got is this bellybutton lint. [he takes the lint out of its designated area. It somehow forms into the shape of earmuffs]
SpongeBob: All right, Pat! [he takes them and crawls over to the bed. SpongeBob puts the earmuffs on Sandy]
Sandy: I'm gonna rip your arms off and.... flapjacks? [snores]
SpongeBob: Well, that oughta work.
Patrick: [loudly] Hey, Sandy, does it work? [Sponge and Patrick look at each other and raise their eyebrows repeatedly and in symmetry]
SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, if you can't hear us, don't say anything!
Patrick: Hey, Sandy! Don't wake up! [the two giggle, SpongeBob holds a megaphone up to Sandy's head and yells into it]
SpongeBob: See ya later, Sheriff Sandy! [laughs, the two run down to the snowy plains and act like outlaws, with that drawling voice] You're under arrest!
Patrick: You'll never catch me! [he giggles and makes a snowball and throws it at SpongeBob's face. They both laugh. Patrick starts to make another one, but he's hit by a giant mound of snow. SpongeBob stands on a giant snow cannon, laughing] Hey, that's not fair! Cowboys couldn't afford cannons.
SpongeBob: They couldn't afford station wagons either! [A giant snowball shaped like a station wagon lands on Patrick]
Patrick: Nice paneling.
SpongeBob: All right, Pinhead. Your time is up! [cut to Patrick, who looks like a cone-head]
Patrick: Who you calling Pinhead? I want to be Dirty Dan!
SpongeBob: What makes you think you can be Dirty Dan?
Patrick: I'm dirty. [he's hit on the head by a giant "snow" shovel that SpongeBob has]
SpongeBob: I'd say I'm Dirty Dan. [Patrick runs off and returns with a giant bat with a nail in it made of snow]
Patrick: I'd say I'm Dirty Dan! [whacks SpongeBob with it]
SpongeBob: Ow! [whacks Patrick again] I'd say I'm Dirty Dan! Ow!
Patrick: [whacks SpongeBob] I'm Dirty Dan. Ee!
SpongeBob: [whacks Patrick] I'm Dirty Dan! Ow!
Patrick: [whacks SpongeBob] I'm Dirty Dan. Ee!
SpongeBob: [whacks Patrick] I'm Dirty Dan! Oof!
Patrick: [whacks SpongeBob] I'm Dirty Dan. Ee!
SpongeBob: [whacks Patrick] I'm Dirty Dan! D'oh!
[Inside the tree, Sandy blissfully sleeps until the repeated impacts cause the earmuffs to fall off.]
Patrick: [whacks SpongeBob] I'm Dirty Dan. Ee!
SpongeBob: [whacks Patrick] I'm Dirty Dan! Ow!
Patrick: [whacks SpongeBob] I'm Dirty Dan. Ee!
SpongeBob: [whacks Patrick] I'm Dirty Dan! Ow! [Sandy's eyes snap open] [Cut back to outside]
Patrick: [whacks SpongeBob] I'm Dirty Dan. [SpongeBob sees something behind Patrick and screams in terror] Screaming will get you nowh- [Sandy reaches out, grabs the top of Patrick's head and rips it off. Sandy huffs and growls as she stands behind Patrick, towering over him with sharpened teeth bared in a snarl]
Sandy: