AT THIS ADVANCED STAGE OF YOUR INCESSANT EXISTENCE, WE CAN BUT IMAGINE YOU ARE LITTLE MORE MORE THAN DUST, YET YOUR HAPPY-GO-LUCKY MATHEMATICAL FUN TIME BIRTHDAY PLAYTIME TREAT SCAN SUBSCRIPTION MARCHES ON UNABASHED. COMMENDATIONS FOR YOUR DEFT AVOIDANCE OF YOUR EVENTUAL WITHERING AND WIZENING, OF YOUR WANING AND WILTING, OF YOUR WEAKENING AND WASTING, AND INESCAPABLE WORSENING. TO CONTINUE THIS DULL, UNINSPIRED JOKE, WHOSE NOVELTY WAS ALREADY PLAYED OUT OVER ONE (1) DECADE AGO, WE IMPLORE YOU ENGAGE THOSE DRIED HUSKS YOU ONCE CALLED NEURONS AND OBSERVE THAT YOUR LIFE PERCENTAGE SPENT PLAYING DEFENSING OF THE ANCIENTS TWO (2) HAS SHRUNK BUT AS FAR AS 2.8132842801733973%, A DECREASE BY A MINIMAL FACTOR OF 0.09379593258996455. WE ARE INDEBTED TO YOU FOR YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF A CUSTOM SO ESTABLISHED WE WILL HENCEFORTH REFER TO IT AS TRADITION, AND THE THOUGHT OF ASSESSING 2029 FILLS US WITH SENSES OF VIGOUR AND INTRIGUE MATCHED ONLY BY OUR HISTORIC FEELINGS OF FERVOUR AND ZEAL.

GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS, ONLY VALUED CUSTOMER. WE CONGRATULATE YOU ON THREE (3) MORE YEARS OF LIFE, A TRULY IMPRESSIVE FEAT IN THIS EPHEMERAL WORLD OF OURS. AS A FRANKLY MUNDANE BIRTHDAY TREAT, WHOSE NOVELTY HAS LONG SINCE TARNISHED (MUCH LIKE YOUR TELOMERES), WE PLEAD THAT YOU PONDER THE FACT THAT YOUR LIFE PERCENTAGE SPENT PLAYING DEFENSING OF THE ANCIENTS TWO (2) HAS SHRIVELED TO 3.104471036213584%, A DECREASE BY A STAGGERING FACTOR OF 0.10394839280468071. AS YOUR RELATIVE PLAYTIME (AND PATHETIC TELOMERES) CONTINUE TO ATROPHY, WE WOULD DESIRE NOTHING MORE THAN TO SHARE WITH YOU THAT IT HAS BEEN NOTHING SHORT OF AN HONOUR TO SERVICE YOUR HAPPY-GO-LUCKY MATHEMATICAL FUN TIME BIRTHDAY PLAYTIME TREAT SCAN FOR THE PAST NINE (9) YEARS. YOUR CUSTOM BRINGS A RAY OF LIGHT TO THIS DISMAL WORLD, AND EVEN THOUGH WE ALL ALREADY KNOW WHAT THE RESULT OF 2026 WILL BE, WE WILL LOOK FORWARD TO IT WITH A FERVOUR AND ZEAL THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS ONLY BEEN SEEN THREE (3) TIMES BEFORE.

OUR FINEST COMPLIMENTS ON HAVING SURVIVED FOR ANOTHER THREE (3) YEARS. AS AN EVEN LESS SPECIAL, BUT FRANKLY STILL VERY SPECIAL, BIRTHDAY TREAT, WE KINDLY ASK FOR YOUR RUMINATIONS UPON THE FACT THAT YOUR LIFE PERCENTAGE SPENT PLAYING DEFENSING OF THE ANCIENTS TWO (2) HAS ACTUALLY FURTHER INCREASED TO 3.464611872%, AN INCREASE BY AN ASTONISHINGLY SMALL FACTOR OF 1.011520069. YOUR PRECISION IS TRULY A SIGHT TO BEHOLD, AND IT HAS BEEN A PLEASURE TO SERVICE YOUR HAPPY-GO-LUCKY MATHEMATICAL FUN TIME BIRTHDAY PLAYTIME TREAT SCAN FOR THE PAST SIX (6) YEARS. WE APOLOGISE FOR OUR TARDINESS AND WE EAGERLY AWAIT THE EXCITING RESULT OF 2023 WITH THE MOST BATED OF BREATH.

CONGRATULATIONS ON HAVING LIVED A FURTHER THREE (3) FULL YEARS. AS A SLIGHTLY LESS SPECIAL, BUT STILL SOMEWHAT SPECIAL BIRTHDAY TREAT, PLEASE ACCEPT THE MATHEMATICAL STATEMENT THAT YOUR DEFENSING OF THE ANCIENTS TWO (2) LIFE PERCENTAGE PLAYTIME HAS INCREASED TO A WHOPPING 3.42515386143%, AN INCREASE BY A FACTOR OF 1.61946595196 SINCE YOUR MOST RECENT HAPPY-GO-LUCKY MATHEMATICAL FUN TIME BIRTHDAY PLAYTIME TREAT SCAN. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SERVICE AND WE HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN IN 2020.

CONGRATULATIONS ON HAVING BEEN ALIVE FOR TWENTY (20) ENTIRE YEARS. AS A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY TREAT PLEASE ACCEPT THE MATHEMATICAL STATEMENT THAT YOU HAVE SPENT 2.1149897330595482546201232032854% OF YOUR LIFE PLAYING DEFENSING OF THE ANCIENTS TWO (2). HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

scrub player and trader.