Recent reviews by Mad Matt

This game is janky as hell with lots of glitches, graphics that were outdated a decade ago, and crude humor fit for South Park...

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's weird, but it's almost like the jankyness adds to the charm. Like this is what Postal is supposed to be. Unapologeticaly crude, rude, and lewd, and not always intentionally. Like Goat Simulator, it's at its best when things freak the @#$% out.

Just... don't play if you can't stand animal cruelty.

This game is awesome! At it's core it's a classic Zelda clone, and if that is all you want you can play straight through to get the normal (bad) ending. But if you want the whole Tunic experience you're going to have to do some lateral thinking. I'm talking Metal Gear Solid Merill's Codec kind of outside the box thinking to solve all the hidden puzzles.

Simple example without being too spoilery. Throughout the game you collect pages to the games instruction manual. The controls and whatnot are easy enough to figure out, but there are a lot of useful hints and old school scribbled notes in the margins. The main problem is that most of it is in a fictional language you can't translate. What little you can read tends to be vague, but there is repeated mention of a "divine cross" used in a number of puzzles. This cross is nowhere in game... in fact, it's right under your thumb. Your D-pad (or arrow keys for keyboard players).

And that is just the tip of the iceberg. Play this game if you want to give that squishy thing between your ears a good workout.

Oldie but a goodie. Not as many active servers as in its heyday, but still a fun game if you want something a bit more tactical than just running and gunning.

I admit this is game is somewhat of a guilty pleasure of mine...

Adult themes aside, this game can best be described as a virtual pet game with a few survival and crafting elements. While you as the player don't need to eat/sleep/heal your virtual girlfriends do. This means you spend most of the time running around making sure they have enough food or finding crafting ingredients to make medicines or improve your tools so you can find MORE crafting ingredients and do it all again.

Each of the campsites in the game allows you to customize their construction to make your island home. You only need to craft each construction item once, after which you can add as many of that item as you want. At first you only have a small camp site on the beach to work with. Later on you get another small one in the forest, a medium sized one in the ruins, and your own personal island at end game.

You are also able to fine tune your girlfriends personality by giving them presents that alter their stats, and later on can even use special items that give them specific personality quirks.

And now about the adult themes. Think of it as virtual pets with benefits. Along with the typical hunger/exhaustion stats that grow through the day each girl also has a lust stat that determines their willingness to... well, y'know... There is even a sub-set of the aforementioned personality quirks that deals specifically with their behavior in the bedroom... or the bath... or the beach... or the middle of the road OK YES YOU WILL BE DOING IT A LOT. It's an Illusion game. That's their thing. Live with it.

You start with only yourself and one girl on the island (not to mention Shan the *lovable* treasure hunter/merchant). As you continue to explore you can add more girls to the island, up to a total of four. You can create these girls personally or can check the uploads section of the main menu to see what the community has made. Since you can get lost for hours just tweaking the size of her... chin... I would recommend the community content to start.

Finally, I should note that there is a sizable modding community for this game. Some of the characters you see in the uploads section may look cool on their character cards but when downloaded may be missing some or all of the defining items. This is because the uploads section doesn't differentiate between vanilla characters and those with modded items. I would recommend looking in to some of the mods just for the quality of life improvements.

Would I recommend this game? Yes, but only to those of us poor souls who don't already have girlfriends (or are good with hiding stuff like this from them). It's great for the "I'm stuck at home because of this stupid pandemic" blues.