Recent reviews by Emperor

5/5 - Best Tornado Simulator with Bonus Explosions!

If you've ever dreamed of experiencing a Category 5 tornado while sniping someone from a skyscraper, Battlefield 2042 has you covered! Sure, sometimes your tank flies through the air like it’s auditioning for Fast & Furious, and yes, occasionally your squadmate will spawn in as a human glitch, but that’s just part of the charm! The chaos is real, the bugs are your new best friends, and who doesn't love parachuting off a rocket in the middle of a desert storm?

Honestly, 2042 isn’t just a game—it’s a disaster movie, and you're the star. 10/10 would get sucked into a weather event and respawn again.

[Made with AI]

Town of Salem 2 is like the sequel to your favorite soap opera, only with more death, deception, and the nagging suspicion that your friends have been secretly plotting against you since the first game. It’s as if the developers took everything you loved about the original and thought, “Let’s add more confusion and make everyone even more suspicious of each other!”

With new roles, new mechanics, and the same delightful chaos, Town of Salem 2 makes you question every alliance and second-guess every vote. The game now features so many roles that even the most seasoned liar might accidentally role-play their way into a loss. And let’s face it, the thrill of being betrayed by your own team never gets old—especially when it’s happening in real-time and you’re furiously typing your defense into the chat.

In summary, if you loved the original Town of Salem and found yourself missing the exquisite pain of trusting the wrong person, Town of Salem 2 has you covered. It’s the perfect blend of strategic deception and over-the-top drama where every game feels like a thrilling betrayal waiting to happen.

10/10 would continue to be an unwitting pawn in the grand scheme of deceit and backstabbing.

[Made with AI]

As an esteemed member of the Adeptus Astartes (or as I like to call myself, "The Emperor's Last Hope"), I dove into Warhammer 40K: Space Marine with the enthusiasm of a Tech-Priest at a servo-skull convention. And let me tell you, it did not disappoint!

Graphics? More glorious than a Golden Throne selfie! The colors pop like a Chaos Space Marine at a paintball match.

Gameplay? Satisfying enough to make my Power Fist tingle! Nothing like smashing Tyranids into paste while shouting, "FOR THE EMPEROR!" to really get the blood pumping. (But seriously, I should probably tone down the yelling; the neighbors are starting to complain...)

Story? It’s about as deep as a puddle on a T'au world, but who cares? I’m here to turn Xenos into sludge and take names! I mean, let's be real: every plot twist just means more enemies to obliterate.

Multiplayer? Oh, the sweet joy of fragging my friends while they scream, "STOP USING THAT POWER FIST!" Sorry, bro! It’s the only way to ensure the Emperor's will is done.

Fun Factor? Off the charts! I laughed so hard my helmet nearly came off. I even tried to do the Space Marine walk in real life. Spoiler: I tripped over my cat.

Overall, if you want to experience the grim darkness of the far future with a side of hilarity and a dash of over-the-top violence, grab this game. Just remember: in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium, there is only war... and memes.

Pro Tip: Always carry a spare bolt gun. You never know when you'll need to shoot a heretic or your buddy during a heated debate about who’s the best Primarch.

FOR THE EMPEROR!

[Made with AI]

- Started the game
- See monke with armor looking at the horizon
- Monke jumps
- Rides a freakin cloud just like Goku
- Stops in front of an army
- Me afraid, monke not afraid
- God gay dude says monke is an idiot
- Monke laughs
- Monke starts to beat the ♥♥♥♥ out of the gay god
- Gay god flees from the fight
- Monke mountain getting destroyed
- Me sad, monke angry
- We bring them to the forest
- We now bird, bird flies
- Gay god now bird too
- Something happens and monke loses his power of bird
- Oh no
- Monke defeated

Ever wondered what it’s like to be an adventurer in a world so rich and detailed, even your bald head has its own backstory? Welcome to Baldur’s Gate 3, where my character’s receding hairline is now a questline I didn’t know I needed!

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve been upstaged by my companions’ epic hairstyles while my poor hero is just trying to get through a dungeon without tripping over his own bald spot. You know you’re in for a treat when you spend more time worrying about your character’s hair than the actual dragons.

The combat is as intense as a soap opera marathon, with plot twists that’ll leave you gasping like you’ve just found out your favorite character’s shampoo is out of stock. The dialogue options are so engaging, I actually spent an hour deciding if my character should be a brooding anti-hero or the kind of person who writes reviews about imaginary haircuts.

In conclusion, if you’re looking for a game where the stakes are as high as your hairline was in 2007, Baldur’s Gate 3 is your jam. Just remember to equip a wig of charisma, because you’ll need it to survive both the game’s challenges and the epic “what the heck happened to my hair?” moments.

10/10 would quest again, preferably with a hat.

[Made with AI]

Outward Definitive Edition is the ultimate test of your survival skills, patience, and ability to remain calm when your character accidentally drops their entire inventory into a pit of despair.

Imagine setting out on a grand adventure, only to discover that every step forward is a step closer to questioning your life choices. The game’s survival mechanics are so relentless, I’ve started considering “finding clean water” as a major accomplishment, right up there with slaying dragons. Spoiler alert: you will spend more time gathering herbs and filling your water skins than you will fighting monsters.

The best part? Your character can starve to death because they forgot to eat a sandwich. It’s like a darkly comedic twist on “How To Not Survive 101.” And don’t even get me started on the cold weather system. I once spent a whole night shivering in a cave because I didn’t pack a coat. Who knew adventuring required a wardrobe?

Despite all this, Outward is a delightfully punishing experience. You’ll learn to love the thrill of tracking down every scrap of food and treasure, and your sense of achievement will be directly proportional to how many times you’ve respawned.

So, if you’re up for a game where “survival” means you’re constantly out of your comfort zone and “definitive” means you’ll never truly master it, dive into Outward. It’s a wild ride where losing your way and your mind is just part of the adventure!

10/10 would freeze, starve, and get lost again.

[Made with AI]

Hunt: Showdown is the game that combines the thrill of monster hunting with the fear of realizing you’re the monster’s next snack, all while trying to navigate the complex social dynamics of a game where your own teammates might betray you. It’s like playing hide and seek, but everyone is armed to the teeth and the seeker is a giant, demonic nightmare.

The game’s tagline should be: “Come for the monster hunting, stay because you’ve accidentally walked into a swamp full of other hunters and have no idea how to escape.” You’ll spend as much time getting lost and trying to find your teammates as you will actually hunting the creature. And let’s be honest, sometimes the scariest part is realizing you’ve wandered into a rival team’s ambush because you thought the sound of gunfire was just someone’s really loud ringtone.

The real horror of Hunt: Showdown is the moment you hear footsteps behind you, only to turn around and see your own team closing in on you with a look that says, “It’s nothing personal, it’s just the game.” Betrayal is as common as finding a monster, and the paranoia is real. You’ll question every noise, every shadow, and every decision, all while trying to figure out if your buddy’s sudden silence means they’re dead or just trying to mess with your head.

So, if you’re up for a game where the monsters are creepy, the hunters are creepier, and your own sanity is always on the line, dive into Hunt: Showdown. It’s a wild, nerve-wracking experience where the only certainty is that you’ll be both terrified and thoroughly entertained.

10/10 would face my own nightmares again, if only to avoid facing my teammates’ betrayal.

[Made with AI]

Town of Salem is the game that lets you live out your wildest fantasies of being both a scheming mastermind and an innocent villager who’s perpetually confused about who’s who. I’ve spent countless hours pretending to be a detective, only to discover that my only real talent is failing to distinguish between a Mafia member and a poorly disguised role-playing game enthusiast.

If you enjoy the thrill of accusing random people and having your friends throw you under the bus with the same enthusiasm as a hyperactive game show host, this is your dream come true. Nothing says “team spirit” like a good old-fashioned witch hunt where everyone’s a suspect and nobody knows who to trust—especially you.

Title: “Town of Salem 2: Now With 100% More Paranoia and Betrayal!”

[Made with AI]

Age of Empires 3 Definitive Edition is the game where you can live out your fantasies of building empires, leading armies, and, most importantly, losing your sanity trying to manage it all. It’s like playing a complex puzzle where the pieces are constantly being moved around by people who think it’s funny to raid your base every five minutes.

The game’s tutorial is less of a helpful guide and more of an elaborate test of your patience and willpower. It’s as if the developers thought, “Let’s make sure they really understand the basics of empire management before we throw them into the chaotic, history-bending mess of warfare and diplomacy.” Spoiler: you’ll probably still have no idea what you’re doing halfway through your first match.

Building your economy in Age of Empires 3 is a lesson in both strategy and futility. You’ll spend hours collecting resources, constructing buildings, and planning your grand strategy, only to have it all fall apart because you forgot to keep an eye on that one sneaky enemy unit who decided to plunder your entire supply of food.

And let’s not forget the thrill of trying to balance your military efforts while maintaining a stable economy. It’s a bit like trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle—except the unicycle is on fire, and the flaming swords are being thrown at you by angry rival civilizations.

In summary, Age of Empires 3 Definitive Edition is the perfect game for anyone who enjoys the challenge of managing a thriving empire while simultaneously dealing with the overwhelming sense of impending doom. It’s a rollercoaster of strategic planning, economic balancing, and the occasional “why did I think this was a good idea?” moment.

10/10 would build a city, raise an army, and then have it all come crashing down again, because clearly, I enjoy medieval chaos.

[Made with AI]

Tomb Raider is the game that finally answers the question, “What if Indiana Jones had a really bad day and couldn’t find a decent chiropractor?” It’s a thrilling adventure where you get to guide Lara Croft through ancient tombs, perilous traps, and the occasional existential crisis—all while wondering if her climbing gear is covered by any sort of warranty.

The game’s climbing mechanics are like a personal fitness trainer for your thumbs. If you’ve ever wanted to experience the joy of repeatedly pressing buttons to ascend a cliff while Lara seems to have a personal vendetta against gravity, this is the game for you. Forget about gym memberships; just play Tomb Raider and you’ll be gripping your controller like it’s the last thing you’ll ever hold.

Lara’s puzzle-solving skills are as impressive as they are infuriating. You’ll spend more time staring at ancient, cryptic symbols and trying to figure out if the solution involves pushing a block, lighting a torch, or using a random item from your inventory that you forgot you had. It’s like an escape room, but with more faceplants and fewer snacks.

And let’s not overlook the combat, which is an exhilarating mix of dodging, shooting, and praying that your aim is slightly better than Lara’s constant bad luck with aiming. Pro tip: If you’re ever feeling down about your skills, remember that Lara has been through more bullets and near-death experiences than a seasoned action hero on a coffee break.

In summary, Tomb Raider is the perfect game for anyone who enjoys a hearty mix of ancient traps, clever puzzles, and a hero who never seems to get a break. It’s a nonstop adventure that will keep you engaged, entertained, and questioning why you didn’t just stay at home and watch a documentary about ancient ruins.

10/10 would navigate ancient ruins and deal with my own thumb cramps again, because clearly, I enjoy a good workout with my gaming.

[Made with AI]