Recent reviews by jellobyte

If you enjoy Deus Ex or System Shock or just stealth gameplay in general, there's nothing more masterful than the first two Thief games. The Metal Age is my personal favorite. The first is great but I always could've done without the more supernatural elements. They really mastered the level design with this one, too. Standout moments that I can recall included walking across ceiling beams with oblivious enemies below to steal artifacts from an artist's mansion, breaking into a government official's house to blackmail him, and my favorite of sneaking across city rooftops to infiltrate a prestigious private party for the ruling class. I could've done without a few of the levels in the first game, but I found myself endlessly enjoying every level offered here. With one exception...
The final level is such a pain and a slog to get through; it is needlessly long and massive. It doesn't offer many ways of achieving its objectives or navigating the map itself. It's littered with hard-to-evade/hard-to-kill enemies, and it just straight up isn't a fun level to play. It's kind of jarring to be having a total blast for nearly 30 hours and being so excited to see the conclusion to the story, expecting another sprawling level with great opportunity for strategy and creative play, only to be hit by a wall that crushes all of that momentum. It felt especially egregious for it to be the final level, and kind of bummed me out.
Last level aside though, I can't stress enough how fantastic this game is.

DO NOT BUY THIS GAME. PIRATE IT INSTEAD.

Capcom added Russian spyware DRM to this game because they hate you if you buy their games. So don’t!
Pirate or steal their software for free instead. They hate mods so much that they would rather not take your money than let you pay them for a copy of their game to mod.

If they change their mind, there’s nothing stopping them from turning back on their word later and retroactively adding malicious DRM to games you already paid for 10 years later, so just don’t buy Capcom games ever again! Download them cracked online for free (:

DO NOT BUY THIS GAME. PIRATE IT INSTEAD.

Capcom decided to add bottom-of-the-barrel Russian DRM to this and many of their old titles for no reason but to prevent their own paying customers from modding their own copy of these games.
Capcom either really hates mods, or they really love spying on their customers and stealing their data (this DRM is a ring-0 rootkit that hides on your computer).
If there’s one thing for certain though, it’s that Capcom absolutely hates their customers and is punishing them for buying their games. So take their advice: pirate/steal their games for free once they’re cracked instead.
I’d suggest never buying games from Capcom again, because even if they stop adding DRM, this has proven that there’s nothing that will stop them from turning back on their word and adding it retroactively 10 years later anyway.

♥♥♥♥ you, Capcom.

Solid port and remaster of one of the greatest indie games ever made. Keita Takahashi is goated

Possibly the worst official way to play MGS1 as of writing (launch).
This is an emulation of the game running at its original internal resolution and with forced bilinear filtering that you cannot disable.
-There are no graphics options at all.
-This does not support widescreen resolutions.
-There are no scanline filters whatsoever.
-There are noticeable graphical issues and bugs.
-There are definitely noticeable audio issues and bugs related to this emulation.

This port is so featureless in-fact, that there is no way to even quit the game and return to the launcher menu; you just have to Alt+F4.
The GOG release of MGS1's original native PC port came with a fan-created options menu that allowed several graphical enhancements including upscaling internal resolution to 4K, widescreen support, anti-aliasing, texture warping fixes and more. I have been seeing people leave clown emojis on negative reviews for not praising Konami handing people the laziest ports of all time that barely work in exchange for $60.
People defending this have been pointing out that this comes with every regional version of the game, a "master book" and a screenplay of the game. That's nice, yes, but I didn't pay full price for PDFs that I could've downloaded from a forum somewhere. If I'm a clown for not being content with paying for slop, then I'll graciously accept the Steam awards.

tl;dr Just emulate this yourself (for free!) and you'll find FAR greater results than what is given here. If Konami gives a damn about their customers AT ALL, they will fix this immediately, but I have doubts considering they repeatedly have shown just how they view us since 2015.

Massive amounts of slowdown and frame drops. The music in menus and cutscenes will also slow down and start back up and sounds very choppy. But the slowdown during gameplay makes it unplayable. Buy this on GOG or Humble Bundle instead, because those versions are an emulated ROM instead of this native port here, and you will be able to swap out the emulator it's running on to get good performance. This is just a terrible port.

Bethesda really outdid themselves with remastering this.

The most bleak perspective on late capital and modern life ever conveyed in the medium of gaming. Also relentlessly fun and brilliant. One of the best immersive sims ever made, and probably will be game of the decade in my eyes. A true work of high art that wears internet post-irony as a disguise. If it's too oblique for you, I feel sorry for you and hope that it clicks for you one day.

Definitely the most suppish flash games ever made. I appreciate them being on an accessible platform like this for free. I still remember playing these back in 2008, still fantastic.

Dear Strongbad,

Thanks for making the most super awesome fun you could have without a jammed nunchuk gun or a handbucket. The state-of-the-good-graphics were even better than Peasant's Quest! Why don't you put more games on Steam?

With crap,
Timmy